


concordia (you said forever)

by dxringred



Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, so here's me repeatedly giving canon the middle finger, the ship might be dead but i am not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 51,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27711604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dxringred/pseuds/dxringred
Summary: an ongoing(?) collection of all my connie/elle fics. varying lengths and quality.jonnie stans don't interact.
Relationships: Connie Beauchamp/Elle Gardner
Kudos: 10





	1. a/n

**1.** these fics have **all** been edited, some more than others, but none have been rewritten in their entirety and are mostly the same as when they were first written/posted.

**2.** a lot of these fics (mostly the later ones) feature my oc, claire. she replaces grace (because i hate her) as connie's biological daughter except she was fathered by donor sperm, **not** sam strachan. heaven forbid. if you don't want to read about her, feel free to skip chapters: **5, 11, 13, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 25,27, 28, 29, 31, 32, 34**.

**3.** jacob/connie is **strictly platonic** here. at best, there's maybe one fic that alludes to them dating. on a similar note, jacob and elle have never slept together nor dated. blake is marc's son and **not** jacob's. canon can go fuck itself in the ass.

**4.** connie/elle is romantic in **all** of these fics. i headcanon elle as bisexual and connie as a lesbian which is how they identify respectively throughout. nothing you can say or do will ever change that so don't even bother. 

**5.** there are **a lot** of aus here, i know, and it's still not all of them. for the most part, all pieces of the same au are within the same chapter. there's only one exception but i'll leave chapter numbers at the bottom of each part directing you to the others. skip if you don't want quickfire premises for the three "big" aus:

  * **role-reversal:** self-explanatory. connie is a new consultant in the ED, jacob is her childhood best friend, elle is clinical lead. 
  * **paramedic:** connie is the newest paramedic, sam(antha) is her best-friend, elle is a consultant. 
  * **medical secrets:** connie and elle met _years_ before canon. connie is still on darwin, elle works in the ED. circa mid-2000s. michael would've come and gone much earlier. 



**6.** i've proofread all of these half a dozen times, but i'm sure there are still mistakes somewhere. for my sanity, please don't point them out. i won't survive the embarrassment. 

**7.** if you say anything homophobic, you **will** be muted/blocked and your comment deleted on sight. this is your only warning. 

**8.**


	2. one

**word count:** 1.3k | 536 | 496

**date written:** 19.8.18 | 30.8.18 | 4.1.19

**verse:** role reversal au 

(included the gifs these are based on)

* * *

it wasn't as though this was the first time connie had been in trouble. she'd overstepped the mark plenty of times in the past; said things she shouldn't have, disobeyed an order, misjudged something. but this was the first time she'd been _nervous_ about being in trouble. in fact, it was the first time she'd been nervous about anything in years. after all, it wasn't a feeling that came naturally to her. she was too used to getting her own way, skilled enough to talk herself out of virtually anything, and made very few mistakes to begin with, of course.

but today, she _had_ made a mistake -- well, more aptly put, she'd lost control -- and she already knew it wasn't one she could talk herself out of; not even with her good looks and charm. no, elle seemed like the kind of woman who would be more forgiving (albeit only slightly) if connie apologized and acknowledged her error. normally, she would rather argue and risk losing her job than even begin to consider doing either of those things. on this occasion, however, she was more than willing to do both, and it had everything to do with how attractive her new boss was.

connie knocked twice on the office door, waiting until she was given permission to enter before she somewhat reluctantly went inside, not daring to venture more than a few feet from the door. elle was sat behind her desk, scribbling away in a file, and when she didn't say anything at her arrival, connie decided it was up to her to make the first move.

"i'm so sorry about what happened today, mrs. gardner," she said, briefly glancing down at the floor in embarrassment (that was a new feeling too, what had gotten into her?) when elle finally looked up at her. "i shouldn't have let things get so out of control."

"but you did," elle said, twirling her pen between her fingers as she curiously admired connie's figure. she was a brilliant doctor -- the best, some might say; it was why elle had offered her the job without even meeting her -- and more than easy on the eyes. but that only made watching her look so uncomfortable all the more satisfying.

connie sighed, pressing her lips together. "i know," she admitted, hoping that nobody would walk by right then and hear her. "i was cocky and i took on too much at once but i can't change what happened." she paused, forcing herself to meet elle's steely gaze. "i can, however, make sure that it doesn't happen again."

elle stared at connie in silence, waiting for her to avert her gaze before quickly realizing that she wasn't going to. unlike the rest of elle's staff, connie apparently didn't have an issue with looking her in the eye. it was a refreshing change, and elle was almost impressed. it seemed as though connie might prove to be a challenge, and there were few things she loved more than one of those. "it better not," she said, turning her attention back to her paperwork. "but, just so you know where you stand, i'm putting you on minors for the next three days."

she expected some kind of outburst in response -- even the doctors who were terrified of her couldn't help groaning in frustration, and connie hardly struck her as someone who would quietly settle for the punishment she was being dealt. less than a second later, however, connie surprised her by doing exactly that. "that's more than reasonable," she said, nodding in agreement. she'd been bracing herself for a far worse fate than three days of being relegated to minor injuries and couldn't help feeling relieved that she wasn't being disciplined as harshly as she'd anticipated. "i'll let you get back to your paperwork now." she turned to leave, planning to track down jacob and tell him the good news, but was stopped before she could even get one foot out the door. 

"oh, and dr. chase?"

connie paused in the doorway, looking back just as elle glanced up from her file, a faint hint of smug amusement in her eyes. "a word of advice: next time you want to impress me, try to avoid letting the entire department devolve into complete chaos. not even an F1 would have done so disastrously today." connie had never felt so mortified in her life, and by the time she managed to find the wherewithal to leave, elle had already started writing again and was paying her no attention.

she hid behind her hair as she made a beeline for her office, willing the red to hurry up and drain from her face. it was only her first week, and she refused to let her reputation of being so formidable and infallible be tarnished _that_ quickly by rumors of her humiliation on top of everything else. luckily, said reputation was still intact enough to keep her colleagues at bay, and she made it to her office without anyone catching sight of her vibrant blush. on a more unfortunate note, jacob was waiting for her when she arrived.

"woah, snowflake, you're redder than a tomato," he said, not even bothering to hide his amusement as he watched connie fall into her chair and immediately disappear behind her arms. "what happened?"

"mrs. gardner just filleted me like a catfish," connie mumbled into her desk. "she knows i fucked up because i was trying to impress her."

"i still don't even get _why_ you were trying to impress her," jacob admitted. "usually you couldn't care less about what people think of you."

"i know but..." connie sighed, shaking the thought away as she sat up. "it doesn't matter. i won't exactly be doing it again in a hurry." _probably_ , she thought. if elle told her to jump, she couldn't say for certain that she wouldn't hesitate to ask how high.

"i hope not," jacob said, getting to his feet. "i don't want to end up walking into another wall because you lost control so badly that someone managed to set a bunch of smoke bombs off in resus." connie groaned, slumping over her desk again. she wanted nothing more than to be able to redo her entire day (or erase it completely) because if there was an award for having the worst first week ever, it would almost definitely have her name on it. "hey, cheer up." jacob leaned against the edge of her desk, giving her a pat on the shoulder that was supposed to be reassuring but did nothing to make connie feel better. "you know what you need? a drink."

that certainly caught connie's attention. "are you buying?" she asked quietly, resting her head on her arm as she looked over at jacob.

"if i say yes, will you stop looking like you're going to cry? it's really freaking me out," jacob said, tactless as ever. after a moment of silence, connie slowly nodded. "then yes, i'm buying."

"in that case, i suppose a few glasses of wine couldn't hurt," connie conceded, rising to her feet and releasing her leather jacket from the back of her chair. she couldn't turn down free drinks, especially when jacob was the one paying for them, and maybe the day's events would hurt a little less in hindsight if she wasn't completely sober.

"that's more like it," jacob said, grinning triumphantly as connie freed her hair from the collar of her jacket and grabbed her bag. "you just need to stop worrying and relax a bit. so forget about what happened today and forget about mrs. gardner." the only problem was that connie didn't think she could forget about her.

* * *

"what did you think you were doing?" elle asked, all but slamming the door behind them as she followed connie into her office. 

"my job," connie said, watching as elle crossed the room and took a seat behind her desk. for a brief moment, she was reminded of two days ago when they'd been in the exact same position; cocky and eager as she was to capture elle's attention, however, she hoped it wouldn't continue to be with her getting reprimanded. 

"your job was to treat minors," elle reminded her, face unreadable. she'd been expecting connie to cross the line again but certainly not so soon; clearly elle had been right in assuming she'd be a challenge.

"my job is to help people," connie corrected. the first time they'd been in this situation, she'd been apologizing, and she hadn't enjoyed it in the slightest, but this was different. she had no intention of apologizing when (in her mind, at least) she hadn't actually done anything wrong. disobeying an order was something she'd bet her entire reputation on elle having done herself in the past. 

"which you were already doing," elle said, her patience already wearing thin. it was remarkable just how quickly connie was able to get under her skin. nobody else had managed it with such little ease before. "three days, dr. chase. that was all i asked of you. the bare minimum. and you _still_ couldn't manage it." 

connie immediately bristled at the implication that she was somehow an incompetent doctor for prioritizing a patient who had needed her more. a middle-aged woman with bad sunburn she really had nobody to blame for but herself hardly deserved connie's time and attention above an emergency. "fine," she snapped, suddenly far beyond caring about staying on elle's good side as her pride got the better of her. "next time, i'll remember to let a patient suffer in resus while i waste my time asking you for permission to do my job." 

elle narrowed her eyes. "i was on my way to treat him," she said, sounding unnervingly calm given connie's outburst. but there was a warning in her tone, advising her to stand down. she didn't listen. 

"yes, on your way," connie echoed. "you weren't actually there. _i_ was." 

"and you were supposed to be treating minors!" elle exclaimed in frustration, dangerously close to shouting. it had been a long time since she'd lost her temper with another senior member of staff but connie was somehow more infuriating and argumentative than all of their colleagues put together -- plus some. 

"if you're so worried about minors, why don't you waste your own time on them and not mine!" connie didn't wait around for elle to retort, storming from the office without so much as a backward glance. it wasn't until the door had slammed shut in her wake a second later that the weight of what had happened -- and what she'd said -- hit her like a tonne of bricks. 

" _fuck_ ," she muttered under her breath, already regretting the entire argument. she had a funny feeling that driving off of a 70ft cliff would be less painful than whatever elle was going to do to her after this. 

* * *

"there you are!" connie huffed, scowling as she crossed the room to place her paper bag on the counter. elle didn't react to her sudden arrival, stood casually at the sink and probably the last place connie ever would have thought to look for her. "so much for not liking the staffroom." 

"the only way to get away from you is to go where you won't look," elle stated, reaching for the nearby dishtowel before finally turning to her. connie couldn't tell whether or not she was joking and averted her gaze when elle studied her, gaze slowly roving over connie's figure as she began to dry her mug. "so why _were_ you looking for me this time, dr. chase?" 

connie stood straighter, suddenly remembering what had led her there in the first place. "i bought you breakfast," she explained, gesturing to the paper bag with her free hand as she adjusted her grip on the stack of folders she'd gathered from reception. 

elle narrowed her eyes, immediately suspicious. "what have you done now?"

"nothing!" connie exclaimed, scowling at the worst being assumed of her. after elle had shouted at her the previous week, she'd made a conscious effort to avoid bending the rules as much. it had been harder than expected when she was so used to being in command and rarely questioned, but she was itching to get on elle's good side. least of all because that would increase her chances of them sharing a torrid midnight rendezvous. 

"then why are you trying to bribe me?" elle asked, briefly inspecting her mug once she was done drying it. she hooked two fingers through the handle and absently threw the dishtowel down next to the sink as she wandered over to join connie by the counter. 

"i'm not!" connie insisted, huffing in annoyance. she might have been trying to get elle to like her -- at least enough to convince her to go out for dinner -- but she wasn't trying to _bribe_ her. they were two definitively different things. "i'm just being nice." 

"hm, is that what they're calling it these days?" elle mused, gently setting her mug down so she could lift the paper bag instead and inspect its contents. she was faintly surprised to find croissants and chocolate cake from her favorite bakery -- hardly cheap. elle quirked an eyebrow, a touch impressed. if connie wasn't bribing her, it was one hell of an olive branch. 

connie scowled, folding her arms. "no, it's not," she said tightly, already bored of having her efforts ruined by elle's rampant cynicism. 

elle rolled her eyes. "alright, i believe you," she relented before things could devolve into an argument -- a staple of their short relationship it seemed. "it's just you being nice." she paused in the middle of resealing the bag as she realized something and looked up at connie with a faint frown, growing suspicious yet again. "how did you know to buy this? let alone where from." 


	3. two

**word count:** 1.5k

**date written:** 19.9.18

**verse:** canon compliant

* * *

considering that she was only throwing a stick, elle was putting an inordinate amount of effort into her current task. but she had a good reason for it.

"i don't know what jacob's doing right now and i don't care," she said, closing one eye as she adjusted the position of her arm, "but he's going to feel this throw in his fucking soul." after he'd mocked her aim the previous day, she'd been determined to improve it, and a game of fetch was the perfect opportunity to do so. never again would an object thrown in jacob's direction miss its target after today. 

elle glanced over at heidi, crouched down in the grass a few feet away, her attention focused on the stick in elle's hand. "you ready for this?" she barked excitedly and, taking that as a yes, elle threw the stick down the field. heidi immediately tore after it and, compared to how long it had taken elle to even throw the thing, came running back with it in just a few seconds.

"last time, okay?" elle said, bending down to retrieve the stick when heidi dropped it at her feet. "then you can carry this home and add it to that ridiculous collection you've got in the garden." heidi barked several times in response, tail wagging madly, and took off like a rocket when elle threw the stick for her once again. without all the effort that had been put into the previous throw, it didn't land quite as far as it had the last time and was perfectly visible in the short grass.

heidi, however, ran right past it, and elle didn't understand why until she spotted the figure in the distance beyond the stick. knowing that heidi wouldn't come back of her own volition now that she'd found someone to befriend, elle reluctantly hurried after her. unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse when she drew close enough to realize just who it was heidi was running towards.

"oh no," she said, immediately quickening her pace. even when she was dressed for a workout, and over thirty feet away, elle had no trouble recognizing connie beauchamp as the poor jogger that heidi was making a beeline for. most people she ran up to didn't mind her excitable antics but connie? elle didn't think she was going to take well _at all_ to being assaulted by a dog the same size as the average child.

"heidi!" she called, already knowing she was never going to catch up. not only had heidi gotten a headstart, she had twice as many legs as her and was therefore twice as fast. "heidi, please! Just run at literally _anyone_ else!" unsurprisingly, elle's pleading fell upon deaf ears, and heidi bounded enthusiastically into connie's path not even a second later. it was sheer luck that connie didn't fall over her, barely managing to find her footing in time to avoid colliding with the concrete face first.

out of breath, and knowing that the damage was already done, elle slowed to a brisk walk as she approached them, wincing when heidi started barking loudly at connie's feet. horrified didn't even cover how she felt right then, and she almost came to a dead stop when connie, searching for heidi's owner, turned and caught sight of her. if ever there had been a time where elle gardner wished she could simply vanish into thin air, it was in that very moment.

"dr. gardner," connie said curtly once elle was within earshot, pausing the music that heidi's constant barking was drowning out and freeing her earphones. "i presume this dog belongs to you."

"yes," elle sighed, briefly crouching down to reattach heidi's leash. luckily, she chose then to stop barking, suddenly much more interested in looking expectantly between the two of them. "i'm really sorry about-" she gestured to the path they were standing on, at a loss for how to describe the collision. "-y'know, _that_. she normally runs alongside joggers, not into them."

"yes, well, if you'd kept her on a leash like you're supposed to, she wouldn't have been able to run into me," connie pointed out, casting heidi an unimpressed look. but, unlike most, heidi wasn't even remotely perturbed by connie's apparent disdain for her.

"oh, come on, it was just an accident -- she was excited! -- and you're not hurt." elle paused, looking connie up and down. "are you?" connie raised a cynical eyebrow, and elle rolled her eyes. "alright, sorry i asked."

connie sighed. "i'm fine. no thanks to you two, of course."

"yeah, yeah," elle said, waving a dismissive hand. "i'm chaotic and undisciplined and have been ever since you met me, i know." she grinned at the faint look of surprise on connie's face -- clearly she hadn't been expecting her to remember that comment, let alone ever quote it back to her. "but if you're sure you're okay then we'll let you get back to your jogging. come on, heidi."

she gave heidi's leash a light tug, expecting her to obediently follow her as she started to walk away. she barely made it two feet, however, before heidi's leash pulled taut and forced her to a standstill. she looked back with a frown, confused when she found heidi still sat at connie's feet, tail wagging happily back and forth as she looked up at her. "heidi?" elle tugged the leash a little harder, trying to get heidi to follow her and leave connie alone. "hey, let's go!"

she wasn't ready for heidi to pull sharply on the leash in retaliation, causing her to career forward without warning. unlike connie, elle wasn't quick enough to catch herself in time and, in an attempt to do so, tripped over her own feet instead. she expected to hit the pavement as a result, and it took her several seconds to register that connie had caught her before she could. 

elle looked up at her in surprise, and her face grew hotter when she realized _just_ how close they suddenly were. it felt like an eternity had passed before she found the wherewithal to breathe, let alone move, and she quickly freed herself from connie's embrace with a nervous laugh.

"i guess we're both falling for each other today," she joked, trying not to wince at her choice of words and wondering if she'd ever said something so painfully embarrassing in her life. probably not. in search of a distraction, she looked to heidi, still sat dutifully at connie's feet. "i, uh, think she's taken a shine to you."

connie reluctantly looked away from her to study heidi instead. "hm, you're rather clever, aren't you?" she said, crouching down to thoughtfully pet heidi's head. elle wasn't sure she'd ever seen her tail wag faster than it did in that moment. "makes me wonder how someone like dr. gardner owns you."

"hey!" elle protested but her annoyance disappeared in a flash when connie glanced up at her with a smirk that almost seemed... playful? elle could feel her face starting to burn once again, and she averted her gaze by looking back at heidi. clever might have been one word to describe her but interfering was another. apparently she did pay attention whenever elle spoke about connie -- at least enough to somehow pick her out from halfway across the park and then pull a 101 dalmatians-esque maneuver on them.

"even so," connie said, getting back to her feet, "you should still keep her on a leash." although she wouldn't admit it, she didn't actually care whether or not heidi was on a leash -- she was only being so persistent because she knew it would wind elle up.

right on cue, elle rolled her eyes in annoyance. "seriously, this again?" connie crossed her arms, staring elle down with the same firm resolve that she always did and silently challenging her to object. elle sighed, knowing that arguing with her was pointless -- connie usually got what she wanted eventually, one way or another. besides, it wasn't as though she would know if elle didn't keep her word. "fine, i'll keep her on a leash when we're near the footpath. satisfied?"

"very," connie said as she replaced her earphones, unable to help sounding smug. "on another note, i hope to see you on time for your shift later."

"aw, you haven't even left yet and you already can't wait to see me again," elle said, eyes twinkling with amusement. connie glanced up from her phone to fix her with a steely look.

"don't push your luck," she warned as she turned her music back on, and she gave heidi's head a brief pat in farewell before she resumed her earlier jog. elle turned to watch her go, suddenly looking forward to work considerably more than she had been before, and when connie finally disappeared from view, she looked down at heidi.

"if i bring you here tomorrow, do you think you can do the same thing again?" she asked, grinning brightly when heidi immediately barked happily in response. 


	4. three

**word count:** 666 (nice)

**date written:** 28.9.18 | 27.12.18

**verse:** beauty & the beast au (excerpts)

* * *

**excerpt #1**

"why have you been undoing everything?" elle asked, more confused than she was annoyed. she didn't care that all of her hardwork had been undone behind her back, she just wanted to know why connie had felt the need to go around undoing it all in the first place. "i'm just trying to be nice! i don't understand why you're so insistent on shutting out any more of the world than you've already been made to." 

"because i want to be left alone!" connie snapped in frustration, failing to realize that she'd contradicted her own claim by letting her entire morning be spent following elle around. "and now that you're here, i can't even have that anymore." 

"it's not like i _want_ to be here," elle reminded her. if she'd known that entering the castle would lead to all of this, she likely would've endured the thunderstorm instead. "but i'm stuck here now, aren't i? so i might as well enjoy myself." 

"fine," connie growled, eyes narrowed. "just enjoy yourself as far away from me as possible; i don't have time for your incessant optimism and naivety." she turned away, fully expecting that to be the end of it, but elle wasn't willing to let her leave so easily. 

"what else could you possibly be doing besides brooding away in that west wing you keep telling me to stay away from?" she countered. connie immediately froze, gown sweeping the carpet as she pivoted to face her again.

"excuse me?" 

elle continued as though she hadn't said anything. "why don't we do something together?" she suggested, eyes brightening. "maybe you'll find that my being here isn't as bad as you seem to think." connie didn't even consider her answer.

"no." 

"look, all i'm asking for is one hour," elle said. she was persistent, connie would give her that. "and if you still hate my company that much by the end of it, i promise i'll never come near you again." 

connie faltered. never was a long time. but it was what she wanted, wasn't it? and if this was all that she had to do to be left alone again... "one hour," she repeated blankly. "but that's it. one hour and then you're done bothering me."

* * *

**excerpt #2**

"if they're guarding the castle," elle started slowly. "then why didn't they attack me when i arrived?" tonight was the first time she'd seen the wolves, dancing in the dark like stars in the sky, and if it hadn't been for connie... well, it would have been the last time too. 

"because they're not there to keep people out," connie told her with a wry smile. "they're there to keep me in." 

elle frowned. "what, like a prisoner?" 

"exactly like a prisoner. i can't even escape this place by dying." connie sighed; not even sitting mere feet from the fireplace was enough to dispel the cold chill that kept creeping through her bones. 

she must have shivered for the next thing elle asked was, "are you cold?"

connie glanced up from the fire, shaking her head slightly. "no." 

in spite of the answer, elle got to her feet and freed the blanket that had been draped over her shoulders. "here," she said, approaching the chair and silently coaxing connie forward so she could wrap it around her instead. "it'll keep you warm." she paused, gaze shifting to the violent claw marks marring connie's cheek. "doesn't that hurt?" 

connie gently touched her fingers to the injury, unfazed by the slight sting that doing so caused. "it's nothing," she decided, lowering her hand again. "they're only shallow." 

elle wasn't convinced. "still, it couldn't hurt to clean them..." she posited. "just to be on the safe side." she hesitated for a brief moment before pressing a soft kiss just above the area. "i'll be right back." lost for words, connie watched her go in silence, the cold chill from earlier suddenly replaced by a pleasant warmth she hadn't felt in a long, long time. 


	5. four

**word count:** 1.4k

 **date written:** 1.1.19

 **verse:** au, set circa. 2006

* * *

it was four in the afternoon and, despite having just been woken up from his nap, luca had only one thing on his mind.

"grape time?" he mumbled as elle carried him downstairs, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. grapes were his latest fixation and he refused to eat almost anything else. up until a few days ago, he'd been the same way with oranges, obsessed with watching connie peel them for him.

"grape time," elle echoed back in agreement, heading for the kitchen. but just as they were about to enter, there was a loud knock at the front door that stopped her dead in her tracks. elle sighed, reluctantly turning around and walking back down the hall to answer it.

"no, grape time!" luca demanded as she changed course, making a grabbing motion over her shoulder in the direction of the kitchen with a displeased little scowl. he undoubtedly wasn't happy about being made to wait for his promised snack break.

"in a moment, sweetheart," elle said, tapping the tip of his nose. "mummy has to see who's at the door first." luca continued to frown but didn't repeat himself, knowing he would only get into trouble if he interrupted elle while she was talking to someone. as far as she was aware, they weren't expecting visitors but when she finally opened the door, she found a man in a gray suit stood on the front step.

"can i help you?" she asked, adjusting her hold of luca as she curiously looked the man up and down. he looked familiar but she couldn't quite figure out how or why.

it took the man a moment to overcome his surprise and find his voice. a woman with a toddler on her hip was the last person he'd expected to open the door. "my name's michael," he said. "i'm, uh, looking for connie beauchamp." although he didn't recognize the woman stood before him, connie's car was parked in the driveway so he knew she had to still be living here.

elle relaxed slightly. "you know connie?" she hadn't met many of connie's colleagues yet and was under the impression that he was simply one of them. while she might have been half-right, she was also very wrong. michael stared at her, confused as to how _she_ knew connie. not to mention what she was doing in their house.

"she's my wife," he explained, not entirely surprised that she didn't seem to know who he was, but his answer finally told elle why he looked so familiar. she'd never expected to meet connie's ex, least of all because he'd still been in prison the last time connie had begrudgingly mentioned him, and now that she was face-to-face with the man himself, elle was at an unusual loss for what to say or do. all she knew was that connie didn't want to talk to him, or see him for that matter.

"right, well she's not actually here at the moment," elle lied, making an effort to sound polite. "maybe you should come back later when-"

"why don't i just wait inside?" michael offered, cutting her off, but his tone made it clear his words were more of a demand than a suggestion. it was apparent that he was used to getting his own way and expected to now as well. unfortunately for him, elle had no intention of backing down.

"i don't think that's such a good idea," she said firmly, taking a step back so that she could close the door on him. she jumped slightly when michael slammed his hand against the wood before she could completely do so, forcing the door to remain half open. "hey, what the hell are you doing?"

"i want to see my wife," michael demanded through gritted teeth, voice considerably louder as he began to lose his temper at the situation. "her car's in the driveway so i know she's here. now let me in!"

elle glared at him, jaw clenched. "no."

"you can't stop me from entering my own house!" michael growled. he'd been trying to contact connie for weeks now, and he wasn't about to miss his first real chance just because of some random woman who seemed to think she owned _his_ house. luca's bottom lip quivered in warning as michael only continued to raise his voice, the volume slowly beginning to scare him. "get out of my way!"

despite her heart feeling as though it would beat right out of her chest at any second, elle stood her ground. "i said no!"

"who the hell do you think you are?!" michael snapped, eyes ablaze with anger, and elle was just about to tell him _exactly_ who she was when luca finally burst into tears. in an instant, telling michael to get lost was the last thing on elle's mind, and she tried her best to console luca without moving from the door -- michael's hand was still planted firmly against it, and she had no doubt that if she moved away for even a second, he would only barge inside uninvited.

"luca, it's alright," she cooed, rubbing circles across his back as she held him tighter. "sh, come on, baby, it's okay. nobody's going to hurt you." if looks could kill, the glare she gave michael in that moment would've left him dead on the spot, and she was just about to order him to leave again when a voice from the stairs stopped her before she could.

"elle? is everything okay?"

almost certain he recognized the voice, michael unsuccessfully tried leaning into the house to see who elle had turned to look at. he needn't have bothered. connie stepped into view a few seconds later, her sleeves rolled up above her elbows and a damp patch on her shirt where she'd been splashed with water. with her short hair pulled back into a ponytail that it was gradually escaping from, she looked so... domesticated that it took michael a moment to realize it was really even her.

"connie?" he asked uncertainly before elle could say anything, and connie immediately turned at the sound of her name. for a brief moment, she looked as though she'd seen a ghost, but her expression quickly settled into something much more unreadable instead.

"elle, go upstairs," she said, still staring at michael. she sounded oddly serious all of a sudden and elle frowned, looking between the two of them as she continued trying to soothe luca. he'd quietened down now that the shouting had stopped and connie had come to the rescue but was still sniffling sadly into elle's shoulder.

"but-"

"please," connie said, finally turning back as she reached out to give elle's arm a reassuring squeeze. her voice had softened again but there was still an odd edge to it that wasn't usually present. she almost sounded desperate. "blake's in our room and he needs drying off." elle glanced over at michael again, reluctant to leave connie alone with him.

"are you sure?" she asked uncertainly. she knew all too well what men could be like, especially when they were in such a volatile state. it had been the leading cause of her own divorce after all.

connie smiled gently, trying to put her at ease. "yes. now go on, before he gets cold and starts moaning."

"alright," elle sighed after a moment's deliberation, knowing connie wouldn't ask her to leave without good reason. besides, if she needed her than she was hardly far away, although elle hoped that whatever this was wouldn't escalate far enough for her presence to be necessary.

"i won't be long," connie said, despite not knowing that would be the case, before leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to elle's cheek. still stood on the doorstep, and having somehow managed to stay silent for longer than seemed capable of him, michael failed miserably to hide his sheer confusion and disbelief at the sight, wondering if his mind was suddenly playing tricks on him.

elle spared him another worried glance, still not entirely convinced that her leaving was a good idea but, trusting that connie could handle him herself, did as she'd been asked and hesitantly turned to make her way upstairs. only when she reached the top of the staircase did she pause to look back, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth as she eyed the pair nervously. several seconds passed before she forced herself to turn away again and connie returned the little wave luca gave her over his mother's shoulder as they disappeared from sight.


	6. five

**word count:** 332 | 481 | 515 | 473 | 496

 **date written:** 3.3.19 | 4.3.19 | 9.3.19 | 14.3.19 | 22.3.19

 **verse:** prompt collection; first appearance of claire

* * *

**prompt:** flowers

she didn't know which flowers to choose. the price was irrelevant but there were too many colors, too many varieties, and all she knew was that they had to be perfect. elle didn't deserve any less. a bouquet of pink roses and white lilies caught her eye, eerily similar to the one elle had gifted her on valentine's day just gone, and her breath caught in her throat. she quickly turned away, forcing herself to peruse the opposite side of the florist's. she wanted something bright. something yellow, and sunny, and wild, that you'd be able to see from a mile away. something like elle herself.

she walked around the store in circles, inspecting bunches of roses and tulips, lilies and carnations, chrysanthemums and daisies, but none of them felt right. they didn't stand out, they didn't make her think of elle, and they certainly weren't perfect. connie sighed, coming to a standstill in the corner of the shop and rubbing tiredly at her forehead. she could feel a headache slowly creeping up on her and the guilt of not being able to find the right flowers was weighing heavy in her heart. or at least what remained of it.

she decided to call it a day. give up, go home, and try again another time. but just as she turned towards the door, the bell jingling overhead as another customer entered, a bouquet on the back shelf distracted her. it was composed of bright yellows, a drop of sunlight that had bloomed into bright sunflowers and lilies that towered over delicate little daisies. it was nothing short of perfect. she took it down from the shelf with the utmost care, stroking a soft flower petal with her finger as she carried it to the counter.

she left the store a few minutes later wearing a faint smile for the first time in weeks. elle had always loved bright things and now her headstone would boast the brightest flowers in the graveyard.

* * *

**prompt:** "i can see you"

it was getting late but connie wasn't in any rush to go home. in the weeks following her attack, her office had felt far safer than her empty house. there, she was alone but here, there was always someone just a few feet away. if her mystery attacker decided to come back, they would have a hard time getting to her. she still glanced up at the thought, however, and immediately panicked when she noticed a flash of dark hair quickly disappear around the edge of the door frame. fortunately, her worry was short-lived, and she sighed when she realized who was almost definitely the culprit.

"give it up, dr. gardner," she said, crossing her arms as she leaned back in her chair. "i can see you." with a disappointed look, elle reluctantly stepped into view of the door, her giveaway curls spilling over her shoulders. connie had thought she'd already gone home. she certainly looked ready to. "what are you still doing here?"

"i could ask you the same thing," elle countered, ignoring the unimpressed look connie gave her in response. "our shift ended over an hour ago. at least i've _been_ home."

"how do you know i haven't as well?" connie asked, turning back to her paperwork. anything to avoid looking at elle as she stepped further into the room, rolling her eyes.

"because i know what you're like," she said, as though the answer was obvious. she glanced back over her shoulder, making sure there was nobody within earshot before she continued. "are you alright? has something happened?" connie had been acting off ever since her attack and elle knew that something wasn't right, no matter how much connie kept trying to claim otherwise.

connie scowled impatiently, lightly tapping the end of her pen against the desk. "i'm fine," she answered, even though they both knew elle didn't believe her. "and while i appreciate your concern, me being swamped with paperwork is hardly cause for it." elle frowned, clearly not thrilled about having her worries dismissed so easily, and connie finally looked back up at her when she didn't say anything. "go home, elle. be with your sons."

that was enough to put a dent in elle's resolve, and connie could practically hear her arguing with herself about whether she should stay or go. eventually, with a groan of frustration, she seemed to reach a decision. "fine," she huffed, and although she glared at connie, her gaze was as soft as ever. "but i hope you know i'm going to call you the _second_ i get there."

connie rolled her eyes, returning to her report once again as she waved elle off with her free hand. "yes, yes, i can't wait to decline it," she teased, a trace of a smile on her face when she glanced up to watch elle leave with a final sigh of defeat.

* * *

**prompt:** "touch it, i dare you."

elle sighed in relief when she opened the cupboard. by some miracle, there was still one muffin left, spared from her sons' bottomless stomachs, and she eyed the container's contents hungrily as she took it down from the shelf. but just as she set it on the counter and cracked it open, a voice stopped her dead before she could reach inside.

"go on," connie said from just behind her. "touch it. i dare you." elle winced, caught red-handed. she hadn't even heard connie come in. trust her not to wear her ridiculous heels at a time like this. a no doubt deliberate (and smart) move.

"why not?" she asked, pivoting on her toes and hiding the container from view as she leaned back against the counter.

connie folded her arms, unrelenting as ever. "because it's mine."

elle frowned, glancing over her shoulder at the muffin on the counter. "funny," she said, turning back to connie. "i don't see your name on it. besides, i'm hungry."

"i don't care," connie huffed. elle was _always_ hungry. "i've been doing paperwork all day. i deserve it." elle rolled her eyes, pushing away from the counter and purposefully forcing connie to back up against the kitchen island. connie immediately glared at her. "do you mind?"

"not at all," elle said, trapping her in place by resting a hand on the counter either side of her. "anyway, you _wanted_ to do paperwork."

"so?" connie said, angling her head away. she knew what elle was trying to do but she had no intention of succumbing to her charm this time. that muffin was hers, end of story. "i've been working all day. that's more than can be said for you."

"hey, i've been shopping!" elle argued, pretending to sulk at connie's accusation. "i even bought that weird fancy yogurt you were whining about the other day!"

"i don't whine," connie muttered, impatiently freeing herself from the confines of elle's embrace. "now let me have-" she cut herself off, frowning at where the muffin had been but no longer was. "... where'd it go?" elle turned to see what she was talking about, gaze sweeping the length of the counter, but the empty plastic container was the only thing in sight.

she groaned, quick to connect the dots. "i think i can guess," she said, already halfway out the kitchen. connie was right behind her as she led the way to the lounge and they walked in to find out she was perfectly correct. claire was sat in the middle of the sofa with a book in her lap and a familiar, now half-eaten muffin nestled in its wrapper beside her.

connie sighed, scrutinizing the crumbs on the sofa cushion. all the times she'd told claire to eat with a plate had clearly been in vain. "well she's certainly your daughter," she said, immediately scowling when elle playfully hit her arm in retaliation. it seemed they'd all had the same idea but while the two of them had been busy bickering, claire had seized her opportunity and managed to prevail yet again.

* * *

**prompt:** "what the fuck was that?"

jacob suppressed a groan as he watched connie inevitably do the antithesis of what he'd told her to, defaulting to workplace issues and reminding elle that her patient was on the verge of breaching instead of following the plan she herself had come up with.

"right, well i was actually about to go and discharge him?" elle explained, gesturing uncertainly over her shoulder towards cubicles before awkwardly walking in that direction with a confused frown when connie only gave her a pointed look in response.

jacob shook his head in defeat, resisting the urge to bang it against the nearby pillar as connie made her way back over to him, tightening her grip on the stack of files in her arms. "what the fuck was that?" he asked when she came to a stop on the opposite side of the counter, setting the files down on its surface.

"i have no idea what you're talking about," she said, thumbing through the topmost folder to avoid meeting jacob's questioning look. he glanced around to make sure they wouldn't be overheard before leaning in closer.

"you were supposed to ask her out for a drink!" he hissed, and connie quickly closed the folder again with a sigh, slumping against the counter.

"alright, so i might have panicked slightly," she admitted, glancing back at where elle had been standing just minutes ago. the second connie had come face-to-face with her, she'd completely forgotten everything she'd planned on saying and been left with no choice but to improvise.

jacob stared at her in disbelief. " _might?!_ "

connie scowled at him, clearly annoyed. "well what if she'd said no?" she pointed out defensively. after over thirty years of denial, to say she was out of her depth here would be a gross understatement. she didn't know the first thing about asking out women, let alone one she genuinely liked, and the thought of being rejected scared her more than she'd ever admit.

"are all lesbians this hopeless or is it just you?" jacob sighed, leaning against the counter and missing the dark look connie shot his way. "just ask her. you won't know how she'll react until you do." it was easy enough for him to say and he failed to realize just how much harder it was for her to do than him.

connie rolled her eyes, roughly gathering her tower of files again. "wow, thanks for the advice, casanova," she said, her tone rife with sarcasm. "tell me, how's your repressed love life doing?" she walked off with a huff before he could answer, leaving him to ruminate about her hopeless crush alone. _so much for that plan_ , he thought. if he wanted to get those two idiots together, he was clearly going to have to come up with something connie couldn't talk her way out of.

* * *

**prompt:** "plastic isn't food"

"there we go, all done," connie said, giving her salad an additional mix for good measure before she set down the fork. claire clapped in response, watching as connie carefully emptied the slew of vegetables into a nearby container for later and moved the empty bowl to one side. she brushed several wrappers out of the way to clear the counter slightly, unearthing the lid from beneath them and securing it in place a moment later with several loud clicks.

she stepped away to open the fridge and couldn't help double-checking that the container was properly sealed before she placed it on the top shelf ready for dinner and closed the door again. tucking her hair behind her ears, she turned back to the counter, but her eyes widened in horror when she was greeted by the sight of claire with the leftover lettuce wrapper hanging out of her mouth. in the few seconds where connie hadn't been paying attention, she'd managed to claim it for herself and was now happily chewing away.

"claire, no!" connie exclaimed, rushing to her side. she gently tilted claire's head upwards and pried her mouth open to free the wrapper before she could inevitably choke on it. "how many times have i told you? plastic isn't food!" she worriedly inspected her mouth for any stray pieces and only let go when she was certain there weren't any, sighing in relief. claire, on the other hand, frowned, clearly unimpressed by what connie had done, and immediately started reaching for the wrapper in her mother's hand. for whatever reason, she wanted it back.

"sweetheart, no," connie said, making a show of throwing it in the bin. "it belongs in the rubbish." she rolled her eyes when claire screeched angrily from behind her. she was acting as though connie had thrown away her favorite toy but flopsy the rabbit was upstairs in her crib, perfectly unharmed and far less of a hazard. "don't be like that. you'd have only choked on it and then what?" claire mumbled something unintelligible but connie knew by her expression alone that she still wasn't happy. before she could say or do anything, however, she was distracted by the sound of the front door opening.

elle appeared in the kitchen doorway a few seconds later, laden down with shopping bags that she didn't hesitate to abandon on the dining table. "god, i need a twelve year nap," she groaned, shrugging off her coat as she returned to the hall. connie shook her head in amusement, turning back to claire with a soft smile.

"come on," she said, gently lifting her off of the counter. "it looks like other mummy could do with a break. why don't we see if she'll make you some mushy bananas, hm?" claire's face brightened instantly at the mention of bananas and she began wriggling excitedly in connie's arms as she carried her out of the kitchen, the lettuce wrapper already long forgotten. 


	7. six

**word count:** 861

 **date written:** 10.3.19

 **verse:** canon

* * *

something was wrong with connie and elle wished she knew what. she had her suspicions, of course, but when she'd tried her best to coax the answer out of connie herself, she'd been as closed off as ever. so elle had used a different approach instead, trying to relieve some of the stress that inevitably came with being clinical lead, but that had only resulted in dirty looks and snide remarks. whatever was wrong with connie, she didn't want elle finding out. not that that had ever deterred her before, and it wouldn't now either. if connie thought she was just going to stand idly by and let her deal with whatever this was on her own then she'd just have to think again. after all, 'challenge' was elle's middle name.

now connie snapping at people was hardly uncommon -- in fact, there was probably more cause for concern when she _wasn't_ doing that -- but connie snapping at her specifically had all but been a non-issue since they'd become friends. so when she'd done it again that morning (and over something so petty), elle's determination to get to the bottom of things had only strengthened.

unfortunately, despite her best efforts, she didn't see her again until the end of their shift when she caught sight of her in the car park just as she was leaving. meeting the others slipped elle's mind in a heartbeat and she immediately hurried in connie's direction instead, catching up to her right as she was opening her car door. elle was quick to reach out and close it before she could disappear inside.

"what the hell do you think you're-?" connie cut herself off the second elle stepped into view, sighing at the sight of her, and crossed her arms impatiently, refusing to step back and give elle any room. she was hoping that their close proximity would prompt her to move instead but there was no such luck. elle stayed right where she was, leaning against the car door to prevent connie from running (or, rather, driving) off. "would you mind moving?"

"yes, quite a lot, actually," elle said, standing her ground. connie's jaw tightened but she didn't ask her again, and elle hesitated slightly before carrying on, knowing she wouldn't get another chance. "look, is everything okay? you've been acting strange ever since, well..." she trailed off, eyes flickering to the half-healed cut plainly visible on connie's forehead. her gaze burned like fire, and connie immediately reached up to flatten her hair across the mark as best as she could.

"i'm perfectly fine," she muttered, now scowling darkly, but, even in the shadow of the night sky, elle could still read her eyes like pages in a book. she was more afraid than she was angry. of what, or even who, however, elle wasn't certain, but she had a good idea. "not that it's any of your business."

elle rolled her eyes, clicking her tongue in annoyance. it was the same answer as always and it had never once been truthful. "you're my friend, connie, and i care about you," she sighed, eyeing her with worry. "of course it's my business." she could see right through connie's facade and she was growing bored. there was no point in her playing pretend if elle didn't buy her performance.

"oh, please," connie scoffed, narrowing her eyes. "i don't need your pity." she loathed the idea of being seen as vulnerable and was wrongly assuming that elle's only interest was using it against her. she couldn't comprehend the possibility of someone genuinely caring about her even now.

"it's not pity," elle told her, tired of connie's constant self-preservation. it was easily one of her least endearing qualities. "all i want to do is help you. if you would just tell me what's wrong instead of shutting me out, i could-"

"there's nothing to tell," connie snapped, sharply interrupting her. elle winced slightly at her tone, knowing she'd reached the threshold of connie's patience. they were back at square one yet again, although she'd be lying if she said she was surprised. every time she pushed connie for an answer, she lashed out in response, scared of what elle might think if she knew the truth or saw the side of her she barely even showed herself. it was inevitable, really, a habit she'd yet to break and likely never would completely, but while it had never made elle give up (and never would), the lack of progress was certainly frustrating.

"connie-"

"get out of my way," connie demanded, completely unwilling to listen further, and elle finally moved away from the car with a sigh. there was no point in arguing. connie was back to hiding in her impenetrable fortress and if elle carried on pushing her now, she knew she only ran the risk of jeopardizing their already fragile friendship further. so she let connie go, stepping to the side as she climbed into her car without so much as a backward glance. but as elle watched her drive off, concern written across her face, she only wanted to find out what was wrong even more than she had before. 


	8. seven

**word count:** 632

**date written:** 9.4.19

**verse:** canon; scene rewrite

* * *

"we can't risk anymore penalties," connie sighed, leaning back in her chair. just when she thought she was on top of everything, it all immediately nosedived. it was starting to feel like trying to pilot a plane she had no control over. "so no breaches, stringent treatment coding-"

"does hanssen know that we're barely functioning as it is?" elle asked, cutting connie off before she could recite her entire action plan for the third time. she herself had been dead on her feet every shift for the past few weeks, even having to forfeit her lunch break most days, so to say they were struggling was an understatement. "why don't we just drag him down here so he can see what we're dealing with for himself? if we time it just right, i might even be able to get someone to puke on those expensive shoes of his."

"elle!"

"i'm joking!" elle assured her, grinning wickedly. "well, mostly."

"look, we just have to keep on top it, okay?" connie said, lacing her fingers together. she trusted elle to try her best, and didn't doubt that she already was, but they had to try even harder now. " _all_ of it."

elle nodded, suddenly serious, before getting to her feet. she'd been trying to relieve some of the pressure on connie as it was, not wanting her to stress over the department's performance after everything that had happened, but it seemed as though her efforts had been in vain for the most part.

"and elle?"

elle stopped at the sound of her name, looking back at connie and frowning when she forced an unconvincing smile. "about the attack..." connie started almost uncertainly, far more animated than was normal for her. elle certainly didn't miss the way she avoided her gaze or the fervent movement of her hands, the ring on her little finger repeatedly catching the light of the lamp behind her. "i really don't need protecting, thank you."

elle paused, letting go of the door handle as she studied connie from across the room. "i know," she said after a moment, reluctant to simply leave despite knowing that was likely what connie wanted judging by the finality of her words. "i know you don't but..." she hesitated, folding her arms. she knew what connie was like when it came to having other people care about her -- she all but loathed it, unwilling to let them see her vulnerable for fear that they'd use it against her or view her as weak -- but elle was tired of keeping her mouth shut. "i'm worried about you."

connie immediately stiffened in her seat, hands hidden in her lap as she forced herself to hold elle's gaze. "why?" she asked, voice slightly strained. "i'm perfectly fine. there isn't anything _to_ worry about."

"that's what you keep saying," elle sighed, having more than expected that to be her response. it was the same one she always gave, as though she was reading from a script. "but you've been acting off for almost a month now, especially with me, so what do you expect me to do?" connie didn't answer, eyeing her blankly, and elle shook her head in defeat. "look, i just didn't want you to think about what happened but if you're sure you're fine then i'll try to let it go." she reached for the door handle again but turned back before she left to offer connie a warm smile. "and if you're not, you know where to find me."

she closed the door gently in her wake, somehow feeling more concerned coming out than she had going in, and left connie alone with her thoughts once more. whether or not that was such a good thing these days, however, she wasn't any closer to knowing. 


	9. eight

**word count:** 598

 **date written:** 14.4.19

 **verse:** canon; scene rewrite

* * *

elle looked warily between them, mere feet from connie's side and wholly prepared to leap to her defense the second bill tried to get any closer. she'd make sure he would have to go through her first. "jade, call security," she ordered without so much as looking at her. she didn't want to risk taking her eyes off of bill, more than aware of how volatile he was and just how violent he could apparently be.

"get someone else to treat her," he immediately growled with a pointed look at jade, still stood dutifully by the bed instead of following elle's instructions.

"mrs. beauchamp, she's not looking-" she started, worriedly eyeing the monitor.

"i know, i know, alright?" connie said, quickly cutting jade off as she turned to face her. it was a mistake. the second she diverted her attention away from him, bill seized his opportunity and suddenly surged forward. but while connie had turned her back on him, elle hadn't. she immediately blocked his path, accidentally pushing connie back slightly, and grimaced when he tightly grabbed her by the wrist a second later. he tugged her sharply towards him but she was quick to pull her hand free before stepping back to shield connie.

"you shouldn't be allowed to practice!" bill snapped, jabbing his finger at connie, watching him wide-eyed from over elle's shoulder as he approached them again. but elle didn't even flinch, let alone move, glaring darkly at him as jade finally rushed from the room to fetch security. "you should be struck off! or someone should-" he cut himself off before he could finish, as though his brain had finally caught up with his mouth and he realized what he'd been about to say.

connie frowned, studying him in confusion from behind elle as he stared back at her, hatred written all over his twisted face. "should what?" she asked, a faint sense of dread washing over her. she knew the answer. she didn't really need him to say it.

"make sure you never work again," bill growled, now stood so close that elle was the only thing separating them. connie's chest tightened, threatening to suffocate her as she realized what he really meant.

"so i was right," she said, voice wavering ever so slightly as she tried to ignore the sound of her own frantic heartbeat hammering in her ears. she wasn't scared. she _wasn't_. "you are the one who attacked me."

"i did it for naomi," bill answered coldly, all but admitting she was right as he glared at them both. "everything is for her." elle's jaw tightened, unadulterated anger bubbling in her chest. "i wish i could say i'm sorry but i'm not." that was the final straw for her, and bill faltered when she suddenly stepped forward, forcing him to move back.

"get out," she demanded through gritted teeth, curling her fingers tightly inwards. she wanted little more than to punch him square in the jaw with every ounce of strength she had and make him feel at least a fraction of what he'd put connie through but she was better than that. she wouldn't stoop to his level, no matter how justified she might be. "now!" he didn't move, his dark expression returning as his surprise dissipated, and elle was more than ready to drag him out herself when security finally marched into resus with jade trailing hesitantly in behind them.

"get rid of him," elle said as they approached, gesturing to bill with poorly masked contempt. "and have someone call the police -- he just confessed to assault." 


	10. nine

**word count:** 744

 **date written:** 17.4.19

 **verse:** canon; scene extension

* * *

"are you sure this isn't just..." elle hesitated, unsure of how to continue without offending connie to some degree. the last thing she wanted was to sound as though she was accusing her of something but she'd been a doctor long enough to know how people reacted after trauma. she needed to know that connie was certain about this and that it wasn't just her way of coping -- of trying to regain some semblance of control regarding what had happened. "... your paranoia talking?"

connie stared at her in disbelief, wondering if she'd heard her right. "what?!" she exclaimed, her chest tightening uncomfortably. out of everyone she knew, she'd expected at least elle to believe her. the possibility that she wouldn't hadn't even crossed connie's mind. not that it had had any reason to. elle had always tried to look out for her, even when she actively made it all but impossible for her to do so. elle shifted uncomfortably where she stood, twisting her fingers nervously.

"well it's just..." she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. conversations like this were never easy and even worse with connie. she was volatile and hotheaded and loathed it when people questioned her. unfortunately, elle did that quite a lot. "you said yourself that you don't remember what happened or who attacked you so how would you even know it's him?" connie frowned, folding her arms, and elle watched worriedly as she began pacing slightly behind her desk, clearly agitated. "maybe you just want it to be so you can have some sort of closure."

she knew the identity of connie's attacker was still plaguing her even now, months after the fact, and apparently more than she'd been letting on. she was under the impression that knowing would finally put her mind at ease and allow her to move on but elle wasn't so sure it would have the desired effect. "no, it was him," connie insisted after a quiet moment, turning back to her as she came to a standstill. "elle, i _know_ it was." her eyes were wide and filled with far more emotion than usual, almost pleading with elle to believe her. "he's the one who attacked me." she scowled impatiently at the floor. she wasn't being paranoid, not this time at least. she knew it was him -- everything made too much sense for it not to be.

"hey, it's okay," elle reassured her gently, rounding the edge of the desk to join her on the other side. "i believe you." connie's arms were no longer crossed now, wrapped tightly around her waist instead. elle had long since come to recognize it as the stance she made when she felt especially vulnerable, almost as though she was trying to hold herself together and stop anyone from realizing that something was wrong. elle had seen through it a long time ago, however. she'd been able to read connie like a book from the day they'd met and now wasn't any different. "look, why don't i join you in resus? keep an eye on him."

connie leaned back against the edge of her desk, suddenly feeling even smaller than usual next to elle. "i don't need protecting, elle," she reminded her quietly. it was self-preservation at its finest, an unfortunate vice she'd tried to shake to no avail. in truth, all she really wanted was for elle to protect her from this mess. she knew far too well that having nobody in your corner was lonely as all hell and made fighting any battle ten times harder than could possibly be worth it. with elle around, she'd at least come to learn that didn't have to be the case.

"i know," elle said, voice soft. she knew it was a lie. it always was. connie liked to trick the world into thinking she was invincible because it was the only way she could make herself believe it too. this was just another one of her walls, thrown up hastily in a last ditch effort to save face. "but if it really is him, i want to make sure he doesn't try anything."

"fine," connie relented with a sigh, pushing away from her desk and turning to settle elle with a withering look that was more playful than genuine. although she would never say it aloud, she felt far safer going back in there knowing elle would be nearby the entire time. "i suppose you can assist." 


	11. ten

**word count:** 897

 **date written:** 22.4.19

 **verse:** unspecified au

* * *

connie took a deep breath before she knocked on the front door, straightening her coat while she patiently waited for an answer. although it was unlike her to be nervous, first impressions were important and she was filling in for elle today. it was usually her who picked luca up from his various play-dates but, after agreeing to stay behind at work that afternoon, the task had been passed onto connie and she was determined not to let her down.

she gave her best imitation of elle's contagious smile when the door eventually opened to reveal a lanky blonde woman. "hi," connie said, trying to sound friendly. "you must be mrs. johnson. i'm here to collect luca." mrs. johnson eyed her almost skeptically before opening the door wider and moving aside so she could enter. connie relaxed slightly at the silent invite, stepping inside and thanking her as she passed by. it was a rather nice house -- very neat and organized with a largely cream color palette -- and connie hovered by the base of the stairs, not entirely sure what to do.

mrs. johnson strolled past her a moment later after closing the door, leaning through into the first room on the right. "luca!" she called sweetly, and connie immediately heard movement from beyond the doorway. "it's time to go!" there was a rush of hurried footsteps and, a few seconds later, luca appeared around mrs. johnson's figure, grinning when he noticed connie.

"where's mum?" he asked curiously, standing on his tiptoes to collect his coat and backpack from where he'd dumped them on the chest under the stairs.

"she's at work, sweetheart," connie explained, kneeling down to tie his shoes when he shuffled over to her with them on to avoid tripping. "so it's my turn today. that's alright with you, isn't it?" luca nodded slowly, holding his arms out when connie finished tying his laces and took his coat.

mrs. johnson stared at them in bewilderment, features narrowed as she watched connie help luca into his coat. although he seemed completely at ease, she didn't recognize connie whatsoever and was faintly concerned. "excuse me," she finally said, catching connie's attention. "but who exactly are you?"

connie frowned slightly, slowly zipping up luca's coat as she looked over his head at the other woman. "his mother?" she answered, equally as confused. she'd thought that was rather obvious even if she and mrs. johnson had never met but perhaps she'd mistaken her for some sort of babysitter. naturally she was far more than that.

"i don't think so," mrs. johnson argued, suddenly wearing a smirk. "see, i've met luca's mother and you look _nothing_ like her." she sounded just as smug as she looked, under the impression that she'd cleverly managed to catch connie in the middle of a lie, but that was far from the case.

connie sighed, trying her best to be patient -- as elle so often reminded her to. "i'm his _other_ mother," she clarified firmly, straightening out the collar of luca's coat. he giggled slightly when the fur on the inside of the hood tickled his neck. mrs. johnson scoffed.

"no you're not," she said scornfully, looking at connie with a mix of disapproval and disgust that made her skin crawl. "he can't have more than one." connie paused, barely managing to suppress her usual scowl.

"and why's that?" she asked, picking luca up as she got to her feet and balanced him on her hip. her tone was a clear warning in itself, stiff and sharp, but mrs. johnson either didn't notice or simply didn't care.

"because it's not _normal_ ," she told her, sounding grossly pleased with herself. judging by the sneer on her face, there was no denying that she felt nothing but disdain for connie's relationship. connie immediately tensed, suddenly feeling nauseous as her chest tightened uncomfortably and her stomach twisted itself into a knot. she couldn't believe the audacity of this woman, or the words that had left her mouth, and it took connie longer than she would've liked to find her own voice and respond.

"i think it's about time we left," she growled, holding luca tightly. she wondered if he could sense her anger, or feel her shaking, and immediately tried her best to calm down. it didn't work very well. trying to relax only made her angrier -- why should she have to be the one to try and keep things peaceful? it wasn't her who was in the wrong. "i'm not going to stand here and let you speak about my wife and i like that in front our son."

with a final glare, and her head held high, she turned and left before mrs. johnson could even think to retaliate with more senseless vitriol. the door slammed shut in her wake but as she made her way down the driveway in complete silence, connie's facade started to crumble. there were tears stinging in her eyes before she'd even reached the sidewalk, and she blinked them back stubbornly as she fumbled with her car keys. she'd long since tried to prepare herself for encounters like today's but only after experiencing it firsthand was she realizing that even knowing what to expect, and telling yourself you didn't care what others thought, didn't make them hurt any less. 


	12. eleven

**word count:** 819

 **date written:** 29.4.19

 **verse:** unspecified au

* * *

elle lifted the last plate from the soapy water, giving it a final wipe down with the sponge before she placed it gently on the draining board to join the others. with the washing up finally ticked off her to-do list, she dried her hands with the nearby dishcloth and turned back to claire. only to find a whole other issue waiting for her. the almost empty plastic bowl of mushy bananas that had been on her highchair was now turned on its side and what remained of its contents were all over claire's face. upon being spotted, she immediately waved her unused spoon at her mother, beaming brightly.

"oh my god," elle said, trying not to laugh but failing miserably. she threw the dishcloth back on the counter as she retrieved her sponge from the sink, squeezing the water out of it before approaching claire. "i can't leave you alone for five minutes, can i?" she reached out to angle claire's head up towards the light and gently began cleaning her face with the damp sponge, much to her chagrin. she quickly began to fidget and whine in protest, turning her head away to try and escape elle's grasp. "hey, stop that." elle wiped banana from her cheeks with a grin. "you know other mummy will kill me if she comes home to find you looking like this."

claire begrudgingly did as she was told and elle stepped back a moment later to inspect her face for any banana smears she might've missed. finding none, she dabbed the sponge against the tip of claire's nose one last time -- making her scrunch it up in response -- and turned to toss it back into the sink. she then stretched over to grab the dishcloth again and patted claire's clean face dry while she played with the empty bowl in front of her.

"there we go," elle said, draping the dishcloth over her shoulder. "good as new." she gently ruffled claire's short hair, making her squeal, before bending down to retrieve her stuffed rabbit from where it had fallen to the floor. fortunately, flopsy had escaped its owner's experimental banana painting unscathed and elle handed the stuffed animal back to claire, who immediately started squishing it between her little hands.

with the mess resolved, elle turned to the kettle with a sigh. she needed a nice hot cup of coffee before she did anything else, end of story. having spent her morning running around after three young boys (and one cheeky little baby), she more than deserved a chance to put her feet up for five minutes.

kalen entered the room just as she was filling up the kettle but, with his footsteps muffled by his socks, elle didn't realize he was even there until she turned back from the sink. he watched her curiously for a moment, resting his chin on the edge of the kitchen island, before finally piping up. "is mama on the plane?" he said out of nowhere just as elle placed the kettle back on its base.

"what plane, sweetheart?" she asked, leaving the water to boil as she turned to the cupboard overhead and reached inside for the coffee on the bottom shelf -- low enough, of course, for connie to reach without needing to drag a chair across the room.

"the one on tv," kalen answered, having expected her to already know. elle frowned, looking over at him in confusion, and he blinked back innocently, still waiting for an answer to his initial question. elle sighed slightly, at a total loss for what he was referring to.

"show me," she said, setting the jar of coffee on the counter before walking over to lift claire out of her highchair. she'd only begin to whine if she was left unattended in the kitchen so elle carried her into the hall after kalen as he guided them to the lounge. elle wasn't entirely sure what she was expecting but it certainly wasn't the news report he had playing and her frown only deepened as she approached the tv, holding claire tightly while kalen sat back down in front of it. aerial footage of a fiery wreckage was being played onscreen and elle's blood ran cold as she moved close enough to catch what the reporter was saying.

"british airways flight 149 crashed just ten miles short of the runway as it attempted to make an emergency landing in holby. as we speak, emergency services are..." the rest of his sentence devolved into white noise as his words sank in and elle stared wide-eyed at the scene on the tv. the entire world around her had suddenly gone numb and she could taste bile in the back of her throat as she watched the camera pan over the folded tail of what remained of the plane.

crashed ten miles from the runway.

british airways flight 149.

 _connie's plane_. 


	13. twelve

**word count:** 1.9k

 **date written:** 21.5.19

 **verse:** ice-skating au

* * *

"so, we doing junk food and video games tonight?" jacob asked as they fought their way out of the building with the rest of the student body. despite being the first to leave their classroom at the sound of the bell, they'd still managed to get caught up in the end-of-day rush. "'cause i can't wait to kick your ass this time."

"i can't today, sorry," elle said, shooting him an apologetic look as they passed through the front gates. "i'm going to the rink." if he'd asked her that morning instead, she might have reconsidered, but now she was looking forward to going too much to change her mind.

"again?" jacob said, eyeing her suspiciously as he adjusted the straps of his backpack. "but you can't even skate!" they'd only been together a few times in the past, much to his disdain since he vastly preferred to keep his feet on solid ground, but it was enough for him to know that elle was even clumsier on the ice than she was off of it.

"well that's why i need to go, right? so i can practice," elle claimed, nudging him playfully with her elbow as they reached a fork in the path. she turned on her heel to face him when they slowed to a stop a moment later. "look, i'll make it up to you, yeah? see if i can squeeze a pizza out of mum when you sleep over on friday." jacob's eyes instantly lit up at the mention of pizza.

"alright, you're on," he acceded, gently punching her arm in a move that was synonymous with affection for them. "text me later, yeah?" he grinned, already backing down the left path away from her. "i want to know how many times you fall flat on your face." elle scowled, giving him the middle finger, but he only laughed before turning away with a final wave. shaking her head in amusement, elle started down the opposite path, picking up the pace considerably now that she was alone. the ice rink was a good ten minute walk away and she was already slightly behind schedule.

fortunately, she knew enough shortcuts to make up the time, and rounded into the first alley that would save her a few seconds. her weaving through the streets paid off soon enough, and she arrived at the rink only a minute or so later than usual, crossing the street with bright eyes. the building towered above her as she approached, making a beeline for the entrance, and she freed a hand to let herself inside the moment she was within reach. reception was just as quiet as it always was at that time, with public skating still unavailable for over another hour, and even colder than the outside.

recognizing the woman behind the front desk, elle waved politely to her as she passed, and the temperature only continued to drop as she drew closer to the rink itself. it was eerily silent and elle couldn't help but shiver slightly on her way to the stands, her breath clouding in front of her face as she climbed the stairs. when she reached her usual seat in the third row, she'd already shrugged off her backpack, and stopped to unearth her coat from where she'd crammed it inside that morning before school. by the time she'd pulled it on and sat down, the rink below her was no longer vacant.

a short girl around her age was skating warm-up laps across the ice, her dark hair pulled back into a stubby ponytail to keep it out of her face. elle leaned forward at the sight of her, resting her arms on the chair in front of her own as she watched the other girl in awe. there was something ethereal about her that captivated elle like nothing else and it had been that way ever since she'd first laid eyes on her, skating effortlessly back and forth like a swan gliding across water.

elle had returned to the rink almost every day since just to watch her, hiding away in the same corner of the stands for an hour or so. the other girl always arrived at 3:15pm on the dot with her coach, a stout man with gray curls who observed her from behind the barrier. elle rarely heard what he was saying let alone understood it, since skating terms were like a foreign language to her, but she had at least managed to glean one important fact from him: the girl's name.

 _connie_.

she was aiming for the olympics, which elle couldn't quite comprehend. she'd barely even given university a thought and yet connie was aiming to participate in one of the biggest competitions internationally. still, she seemed like an overachiever. elle had watched her stubbornly repeat jumps and spins until she executed them flawlessly. it never failed to impress elle, least of all because she could barely even skate in a straight line herself.

she watched attentively as connie glided across the ice before performing what elle had heard her coach previously call a double axel. she'd been quick to google it afterwards but still couldn't quite wrap her head around how it was performed; not even after watching connie pull it off several more times. apparently she was working on perfecting the triple axel, which elle's late night research had taught her was not only an incredibly difficult move to begin with but one that had been performed successfully just a handful of times during international competitions. aiming high clearly seemed to be what connie did best, never satisfied until she'd achieved perfection.

elle gasped quietly when connie stumbled slightly upon landing and was relieved when she managed to regain her balance a moment later, skating the error off with a frustrated scowl. although she clearly wasn't pleased with the mistake, elle was conversely impressed by what she'd done. she'd read that competitive figure skating was a tough field that left little room for error but, as someone with no skill or experience, even connie's smallest feats were nothing short of incredible in her eyes.

she leaned on the back of the other chair with a soft smile, following connie across the ice as she twirled and leaped through the air. much like always, time flew by without her ever noticing, and it seemed far too soon when connie's coach called out to her, warning that the rink would open to the public shortly.

elle sat up, knowing that was her cue to leave as well, and watched as connie made her way to the gate at the side of the rink where her coach was waiting. just as she was stepping off of the ice, however, she glanced up towards the stands, and elle quickly ducked out of sight, banging her knee against the floor in her haste to hide. only after staying crouched for several minutes, listening carefully as she rubbed her throbbing knee with a faint scowl, did she hesitantly get to her feet again, peering down at the rink below. she breathed a sigh when she found it empty once more, connie and her coach having retreated to the locker rooms.

she shrugged off her coat and grabbed her bag by one of its straps, trying to shove the ball of thick material back inside between her books on her way down the stairs. it wasn't until she was halfway across reception that she finally managed to make it fit, briefly pausing to hold the bag between her knees and zip it shut. she threw it on as she left the building, opening the door with her elbow, but didn't make it very far across the courtyard before a voice brought her to a halt.

"well, well, well, if it isn't my biggest fan."

elle whipped around at the comment and immediately froze when she found herself face-to-face with none other than connie, her hair now free from its ponytail and with sandals on her feet instead of skates. elle swallowed thickly, her throat suddenly dry. she'd only ever been able to see connie from a distance until now and she was somehow even more gorgeous up close.

"uh... are you talking to me?" elle said despite knowing there was nobody else around for connie to address. she awkwardly cleared her throat, gripping the straps of her backpack tighter.

"obviously!" connie snapped, and elle couldn't help but panic slightly when she started walking towards her. she immediately backed in the opposite direction, almost tripping over her own loose shoelaces, and only stopped when the brick wall lining half of the courtyard forced her to. she held her breath as connie came to a standstill directly in front of her before reaching out to rest a hand against the wall beside elle's arm. this was significantly closer than elle had ever expected to get to her. "did you really think i hadn't noticed you spying on me every day for the last two weeks?" elle's stomach sank; had she really known this entire time? "what is it? are you working for jackie? taking notes on how well i'm doing?" although she was a good head taller than her, elle felt smaller than ever under connie's wrath and she struggled to get out an answer.

"n-no," she stammered, trying to hold connie's gaze instead of letting her eyes wander lower to admire the rest of her. "i um... i just... i like watching you skate!" no sooner had the words left her mouth did elle wince in embarrassment. so much for lying. connie narrowed her eyes, leaning forward slightly.

"like i believe that," she said, clearly unconvinced. she looked elle up and down, scrutinizing everything from her wild curls to her colorful backpack, before jabbing sharply at her chest with her forefinger. "i could have you done for harassment y'know."

elle's eyes immediately widened in horror. "what?! but i really do just like watching you skate!" she insisted, unable to tell whether or not connie was serious. "you're really talented and pretty and... uh..." she trailed off, her face growing hot again as she averted her gaze. "yeah..." connie stared at her in silence for a moment before reluctantly lowering her arm and stepping back.

"fine, i believe you," she said, sounding unimpressed as she folded her arms. although she was still skeptical of elle's story, she'd decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. largely because if she _had_ been spying on her this entire time, she'd done an incredibly lousy job of it. "but it's not _my_ fault your favorite past time is stalking me."

elle scowled, pulling her bag on properly as she moved away from the wall. "i wasn't stalking you," she muttered, still embarrassed about being caught. "i was just... curious." she thought she'd done well to avoid detection, especially with all the close calls she'd had, but it seemed connie had known about her presence from the very beginning. she just hadn't had a chance to confront her about it until now. a horn honking in the distance made them both look towards the road and connie sighed.

"that'll be my ride," she said, looking over at elle who nodded absently, scuffing the toe of her trainer against the pavement. "y'know, if you're going to watch me skate again tomorrow you should at least come and sit rink-side." elle stared at her in surprise, unable to form a response as she watched her walk away, and her stomach fluttered when connie glanced back at her with a smirk. "it'll make you look like less of a creep." 


	14. thirteen

**word count:** 809

**date written:** 25.5.19

**verse:** unspecified au

* * *

on her way back from the sink, connie paused to turn down the radio slightly as the station cut to an ad break. while preparing lunch for the boys, she'd only been half-listening to it anyway, and now that they'd run off to pester their other mother she had a clamoring baby to deal with instead.

"i know, i know, i haven't forgotten," she sighed, gently tapping the tip of claire's nose as she reached for the fruit bowl further along the counter. "it's just that your brothers are like bottomless pits." she didn't doubt that they got it from elle. connie had watched that ungodly woman devour an entire pizza in minutes without any help. claire clapped the plastic cup she was holding against the counter with a giggle, eyes widening when connie pulled a banana into view.

"nananum," she mumbled to herself, gripping the cup with both hands as she watched connie begin to peel the fruit. she almost seemed hypnotized and connie smiled slightly as she placed the banana on the chopping board, beginning to cut it into thin slices. there was currently very little claire would eat beyond squashed bananas, turning her nose up at the majority of the baby food they'd been trying to feed her. the scrunched up little face she made whenever they did said plenty and she was even less impressed when they eventually managed to convince her to eat it.

"that's right, darling," connie said, gathering the slices and dropping them into a nearby bowl. "it's a banana." claire giggled again, attention moving to the bowl as she placed the handle of her cup into her mouth. connie rolled her eyes, quick to gently stop her from sucking on the plastic. "what have i told you, hm? just because you _can_ put something in your mouth doesn't mean you _should_."

"what's she trying to eat this time?"

connie looked up as elle entered the kitchen, stained overalls hanging off of one shoulder and her curls spilling free from the rushed bun they'd been twisted into earlier. in the short time she'd been gone, she'd managed to wind up with a bright blue streak of paint on her cheek and a slightly smaller yellow one on her forehead. connie shook her head in amusement. "someone's been busy making a mess i see," she said, stepping forward to meet her.

elle shrugged, wrapping her arms around connie's waist. "the boys are more interested in painting on each other than the paper," she admitted, although it wasn't entirely true. blake had been happy to paint quietly away while his brothers ran loudly around him attacking each other with their paintbrushes. "it's a good thing i put down some sheets otherwise we'd probably need to replace the carpet."

"if they're making that much of a mess, why have you left them unsupervised?" connie asked, stifling a laugh when elle immediately scowled down at her.

"give me some credit. they got bored and-" she cut herself off without warning, suddenly more interested in something over connie's shoulder, and a bright grin immediately began to form on her face. "speaking of unsupervised..."

connie frowned, turning to see what she was looking at, and immediately freed herself from elle's embrace when she discovered claire with the leftover banana peel now hanging out of her mouth. "claire, no!" she chided, unsuccessfully trying to take it back when claire clamped her mouth shut around it, whining in protest. "come on, let go! you can't eat that!" she shot elle a dirty look when she laughed loudly at the sight of them. "oh i'm glad you think this is funny."

elle rolled her eyes, struggling not to laugh further as she joined her at the counter. "here, watch and learn," she said, gently nudging connie out of the way so she could take over. connie sighed, folding her arms as she watched elle grab the banana peel with one hand and then use the other to start tickling claire's stomach. right on cue, claire burst into shrill laughter and the banana peel fell out of her mouth with ease as she flailed around, trying to stop the tickling. elle laughed with her, dropping the banana peel on the chopping board before she lifted her into the air and turned back to connie. "ta-da!"

connie scowled at them for a moment, pretending to be unimpressed, until claire started reaching for her from elle's arms. "you two are just as bad as each other," she muttered, reaching out to let claire grip her finger and shake her hand as she mumbled incoherently to herself. connie was convinced she heard something along the lines of _banana_.

"and that's why you love us," elle said brightly, ruffling claire's short curls. but while she might have been right, connie stubbornly refused to tell her that. 


	15. fourteen

**word count:** 1.8k

 **date written:** 25.5.19

 **verse:** canon-divergence; fix-it

* * *

elle gripped the steering wheel tighter, casting a look at the envelope sitting innocently beside her in the passenger seat before she slumped forward with a groan, resting her head against the top of the wheel. it was dumb luck that she'd even found the card, unearthing it from the depths of the bin after spying her name on the front in perfect cursive, and it had raised more questions than answers ever since. which explained why she was parked on the side of the road outside connie's house at 10PM, trying to convince herself to go over there and confront her about what she'd read.

elle sighed, curls falling away from her face as she lifted her head again. she didn't have anything to lose if she went through with it; she'd already quit her job and the one that was supposed to replace it. best case scenario, she came away from this knowing just as little as she had earlier. worst case... well, that was almost impossible to predict with connie. realizing she wouldn't know unless she tried, elle reached over to retrieve the envelope and reluctantly climbed out onto the sidewalk. the wind had picked up considerably since she'd left home and it battered away at her as she locked the car, just as turbulent as hers and connie's relationship currently was.

she pulled her jacket tighter around herself in a vain attempt to keep out the cold, holding the envelope close to her chest as she made her way up the street. by the time she turned into connie's driveway, she was already having second thoughts, and likely would've turned around had she not known the letter would haunt her forever if she did. she came to a stop on the doorstep, brushing her hair out of her face, but the wind almost immediately blew it free again as she rocked on her heels. with a deep breath, elle lifted her hand and knocked loudly.

it wasn't long before she heard footsteps from inside, followed shortly by the sound of the lock turning and the chain being pulled back. connie opened the door with an unimpressed frown moments later, several choice words already in mind for her unexpected guest, but nothing could've prepared her for the sight of elle outside. she faltered, eyes widening in surprise as they swept elle's disheveled figure, but immediately tried to close the door when she came to her senses a second later. elle was quick to react, shoving her foot in the door's path before it could close all the way, and connie glared at her through the unwanted gap. after today, all she'd wanted to do was forget elle had ever even existed but that was impossible to achieve when she was stood right in front of her as though she had any right to be there.

"we need to talk," elle told her, only removing her foot when connie reluctantly reopened the door. as much as she wanted elle gone, connie knew she wouldn't leave until she'd gotten whatever it was she wanted and turned away without a word, walking off down the hall. elle stepped inside behind her, brushing her curls back now that she was finally out of the wind.

"there's nothing to talk about," connie called over her shoulder as she disappeared into the kitchen and elle sighed, closing the door gently in their wake before following after her. she entered the room to her leaning against the counter, a half-full glass of wine inches from her hand, and in the bright light of the kitchen, it was clear that she'd been crying. even though she was trying to hide it by looking anywhere other than at her, elle could still see the telltale redness around her eyes.

"are you sure?" she asked quietly, crossing the room to join her. she stopped at the end of the counter, just several feet away, before setting down the envelope she'd been holding onto the entire time. connie's heart stopped, her eyes growing wide. she'd never expected to see it again after throwing it out just hours earlier, surfeited with trying to put her ever complicated feelings into words.

"where did you get that?" she whispered, still staring at the envelope in disbelief. she knew she should've shredded it but she'd been too distracted, trying to avoid elle while simultaneously proving to her that she was perfectly fine when they both knew she wasn't. something she suspected elle had known long before today.

"the garbage," elle explained quietly, watching as connie's icy exterior began to melt at the edges. try as she might, not even she could hold herself together forever, and least of all in front of her. they'd been through too much. "and before you ask, yes, i have read it." she reached out to retrieve it but connie was quicker, whisking the envelope away before she could so much as touch it. little did she know that elle already had the contents memorized, having reread them over and over in the last several hours. it had been a rare glimpse into connie's head -- a jumbled mess of words that served as both an apology and a confession.

"you had no right," connie hissed, gripping the envelope tight and accidentally crumpling the edges between her fingers. she trembled slightly as she stared down at it, nauseated by the sight. this wasn't supposed to have happened. elle was never meant to have read what she'd written in that godforsaken card.

"it has my name on it!" elle protested, wishing connie would just be honest with her for once. they didn't even have to see each other again after tonight if that was what she wanted but elle couldn't just leave here without answers. not after what she'd read.

"and i threw it out!" connie snapped back, eyes wet with tears, but when she looked up at elle she was immediately reminded of what she'd written and the same emotions she'd attempted to describe in the letter resurfaced with a vengeance. she could ignore them when she was alone, curled up doing paperwork and pretending they didn't exist, but under elle's concerned gaze there was no running away from them. her voice shook, quieter. "i threw it out..."

elle sighed, running a hand tiredly through her hair. "connie, why didn't you just tell me all of this before?" she asked, watching her sadly. she'd always had her suspicions. connie was nowhere near as subtle as she thought and elle had stopped being oblivious to all the staring and yearning looks a long time ago. she knew attraction when she saw it even if she had neglected to confront connie about any of it before now. just like she'd neglected to confront her about her behavior after the attack, naively hoping connie trusted her enough to tell her if something was wrong. unfortunately, it seemed she was still too afraid to ask for help even in spite of elle trying to coax her into being more honest with her. "you know i would've been there for you. i always am, aren't i?"

when connie didn't answer, back to staring blankly at the crumpled envelope in her hands, elle stepped around the edge of the counter towards her. connie looked up as soon as she moved, however, and immediately pulled away when elle tried to take her hand.

"don't touch me," she whispered, heart pounding as they stared at each other, but the demand fell upon deaf ears. even if her wet eyes and unsteady voice hadn't betrayed her, elle knew her better than anyone. she knew connie would lie and put up a front until the bitter end to protect her pride. her protest was even weaker the second time. "please..." elle didn't listen, clearing the space between them and wordlessly pulling her into a tight hug. connie's resolve crumbled in an instant and she finally burst into tears when elle cradled her close, unable to contain them any longer. the envelope slipped between her fingers, falling silently through the air before coming to rest on the floor between them.

for a while, elle didn't say anything, quietly shushing her as she continued to cry. months spent bottling everything up were suddenly coming undone in an unbroken rush and connie clutched the back of elle's jacket as she cried into her shoulder. "it's alright," elle assured her, holding her tight. "i've got you. i'm not going anywhere." she never should have tried to in the first place and the way she'd acted today alone filled her with shame. only one of them was a bad friend and it wasn't connie. despite what had been said, she _had_ tried, and elle... all she'd done was throw a business card at her as though she wasn't worth the hassle.

it was a long time before connie answered, when her sobbing had mostly devolved into quiet sniffles and she was gradually beginning to calm down. "i'm sorry," she breathed, voice thick. she'd done so much wrong recently, hurting not only herself in the process but elle. shutting her out had ultimately become a punishment as she'd clung desperately onto her pride and it had cost her nearly everything.

elle heart sank. "don't be," she said, stroking her hair. "if anyone should apologize, it's me." she knew connie's response to trauma was to lash out and push people away. no matter how close they were, she would always default to doing what she knew best. but despite knowing connie as well as she did, and watching her treat everyone else around them the same, elle had still taken her behavior personally and she knew she'd lost nearly all of connie's trust in her when she'd let a job offer mean more than connie always had. for that, she had nobody to blame but herself, and she reached up to cup connie's face as she pulled back from the hug. "come on, it's been a long day. i think you should get some rest."

connie's breath caught in her throat. "you're leaving?" she whispered, chest tightening in panic. she didn't want to be left alone again, not after everything that had happened. elle might have her figured out but that didn't mean she was any less afraid. if elle went now, connie would have to endure another sleepless night spent being tortured by what-ifs, and she suspected that her thoughts would only be crueler than usual in the knowledge that when she walked into work tomorrow, she wouldn't find elle anywhere. no matter how hard she looked.

elle shook her head. "no," she said, offering her a reassuring smile. connie immediately relaxed, shoulders falling in relief. "the boys are with their dad this weekend so you're stuck with me, i'm afraid." she wrapped an arm around connie's waist, gently guiding her towards the door, and the envelope lay forgotten on the floor where they'd been stood. "now why don't we see if you have anything i can substitute for pyjamas. my rehiring can wait until tomorrow." 


	16. fifteen

**word count:** 825

 **date written:** 26.5.19

 **verse:** canon-divergence; fix-it

* * *

_"elle!" she called after her, voice cracking, desperate to be heard. she didn't want her to leave. but if elle heard her, she wasn't interested, and connie fell to her knees as she watched elle continue walking until she was out of sight. she hadn't reacted. hadn't even looked back. hadn't-_

connie jerked awake in a cold sweat, bolting upright as her heart hammered violently in a panic. she struggled to catch her breath, brushing hair hastily out of her eyes, and it took a moment for her to realize she was back in her bedroom. none of it had been real. she'd been dreaming. and yet... she looked over as elle stirred beside her, her own slumber interrupted by connie's rude awakening.

"connie?" she mumbled through a yawn, propping herself up with an elbow as most of her curls fell away to unveil her face. she groaned, resting her head in her hand. "what happened? you alright?" connie nodded, shoulders falling in relief as she watched elle struggle to keep her own eyes open.

"yeah," she breathed, chest still aching painfully. "yeah, i just..." she sighed, averting her gaze to the far corner of the room. she didn't want to bother elle with this. not again. "it was nothing. you can go back to sleep." elle frowned, suddenly wide awake as she sat up fully. she knew better than to take _nothing_ as an answer from connie. with her, it always meant something. elle reached out to rest a hand on connie's thigh, making her jump slightly as she turned back.

"bad dream?" elle asked with a faint smile. connie returned it weakly before looking down at her lap, picking at the skin around her nails. of course elle knew. she'd read her like a book on the very day they'd met and been memorizing the pages ever since. "same as last time?"

"similar," connie admitted quietly, leaning into elle's touch when she reached out to brush connie's hair back behind her ear. "i thought... i just... it was..." she groaned in frustration, doubling over as she disappeared behind her hands. "it's stupid." elle rolled her eyes, shuffling closer to wrap her arms around connie's waist and rest her chin on her shoulder.

"well _i_ dreamt that the hospital had been invaded by lizards disguising themselves as people," she revealed, and connie snorted in disbelief, lowering her hands as she turned to shoot her a playfully judgmental look. elle stuck her tongue out in response before giving her a gentle nudge. "come on. you know you can tell me anything."

connie's amusement immediately faded and she lowered her gaze again, threading her fingers tightly together. "you left..." she explained quietly after a brief silence, squeezing her eyes shut as she took a deep breath for courage. "and when i called after you, you just kept walking... like you didn't care. you left me and there was nothing i could do about it." she swallowed thickly, trying to keep her voice steady. "i was all alone again."

elle's heart sank. although she'd been expecting an answer along those lines, that didn't make hearing it hurt any less. even months later, that particular shift had come back to haunt connie in her dreams several times. she'd refused to talk about it at first, embarrassed that she was still being affected, and it had taken a lot of persistence on elle's behalf to finally convince her to open up. even now, there were still a lot of details she didn't know about, and she held connie tighter, pressing a gentle kiss to her neck.

"it's alright," she told her. "i'm not going anywhere." connie sighed, leaning back against her. she knew elle wouldn't just leave her but after decades of people doing exactly that, there was still a large part of her that struggled to believe it was true. everyone left her sooner or later, sometimes even in spite of promising otherwise, and while elle had proven herself to be different to those before her, connie couldn't help worrying that she was destined to follow in their footsteps.

"i told you it was stupid," she said, scowling at the wall opposite them, and elle rolled her eyes again before pulling her back down onto the bed without a word of warning. connie rolled over when her head hit the pillow, tangled in elle's embrace, and bit back a laugh when she found her trying to blow her curls out of her face. after watching her struggle for a moment, she reached out to brush them aside for her, uncovering her bright eyes and toothy grin.

"you're stuck with me, y'know," elle vowed, pulling her closer. connie immediately relaxed in her arms, nestling her head in the crook of elle's neck, and smiled tiredly when she pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "i'm going to be annoying you until we're old and gray. i promise." 


	17. sixteen

**word count:** 1.4k

 **date written:** 10.6.19

 **verse:** horse-riding au

* * *

elle paused abruptly, eyes widening as she spied something shining amidst the tall grass lining the path up ahead. she immediately hurried forward, wondering what it was, but her breath caught in her throat when she stopped beside the object and realized just what it might be. her grip on the horses' reigns loosened, and she released them altogether when she crouched down to get a better look. connie's silver charm bracelet was sitting in the grass, marred with dried mud and reflecting the little sunlight that was filtering through the dense trees. elle reached out to retrieve it, fingers trembling as she slipped them under the chain and carefully lifted the bracelet up. thankfully, it wasn't broken, and she tried to remove some of the dirt with her thumb to no avail. it wouldn't budge, hardened onto the metal.

she rose to her feet, worriedly glancing around before placing the bracelet gently inside her front pocket for safekeeping. she'd heard connie boast that it was pure silver countless times in the past and wanted to be able to return it to her in one piece. wherever she was. elle recollected claire's and pancake's reigns, winding them around her hand as she continued to lead them all slowly along the path.

despite her best efforts, she couldn't help feeling more concerned now than ever before. losing track of claire _and_ her bracelet was wildly unlike connie, and elle was struggling not to think the worst. she scanned the forest as she walked, scrutinizing every shrub and tree for clues, but it was only a few minutes after her first discovery that she stumbled upon something else.

elle came to a dead stop without warning, panic building in her chest as she stared up the trail in horror. several feet ahead of her, connie's bag lay burst open in the middle of the path where her raincoat had spilled out onto the dirt, its sleeve reaching for a lone apple that had rolled off. the sight and state of her belongings, however, wasn't the main issue. just beyond the bag, barely visible among the crushed undergrowth, elle could see someone's leg.

"connie..."

stunned by what she was faced with, it took elle a moment to react, and her body moved without instruction as she frantically shook the horses' reigns free of her hand. she sprinted up the path, narrowly avoiding connie's bag, and only slowed down when she neared the body in the bushes. despite her suspicions, she still felt sick when the rest of the figure came into view. "connie!" she tried not to catch her feet on the tangled foliage as she maneuvered through it to connie's side, falling to her knees once she reached her. elle's hands hovered uncertainly over her limp body, visibly shaking as she tried to assess the situation.

connie was out cold and although her helmet was still on her head, albeit slightly askew, there was a noticeable dent closer to the back of it. elle's gaze flickered briefly to the large stone beside her head, peering out of the tall grass, before she inspected the rest of her for further injuries. her clothes were torn in places, the ripped fabric shadowing a number of cuts -- some far more serious than others -- and her left leg was bent at an awkward angle.

elle knew without a doubt that it was broken and quickly withdrew her hands, too scared to touch her friend. although she had hopes of becoming a doctor in the future, she was leagues out of her depth right now. holding her breath, she reached out and pressed her fingers against connie's neck, searching anxiously for a pulse. she exhaled in relief when she felt one, faint as it was, and quickly fumbled in her coat pocket for her phone.

her heart sank when the screen lit up and told her the bad news: there was no cell service. for a brief moment, she'd forgotten she was in the middle of a forest where the signal was notoriously weak. so much so that riders were frequently warned of it before going in. elle stumbled to her feet, reluctantly leaving connie behind as she held her phone in the air and desperately tried to locate some sort of signal.

"come on," she hissed, wandering back down the path in search of it. she lowered her phone, hitting the side of it as though that would make any difference, and hurried past the horses to try again. her eyes lit up when she discovered that her phone had managed to find a connection and immediately dialed 999 before it was too late. she held the phone up to her ear, trying not to move so much as even a muscle for fear that the signal would dip back out right when she needed it most.

she held her breath, waiting for someone to pick up. "999, what's your emergency?" came the cool female voice a moment later. elle didn't even know where to start.

"i, um..." she swallowed thickly, trying to gather herself. "i think my friend fell off her horse. her leg's broken and she might have a head injury. please, i need an ambulance as soon as possible." she heard the faint tapping of a keyboard from the other end of the phone before the woman spoke again.

"alright, sweetheart, where are you?"

elle faltered. she hadn't thought about that. she was in the middle of the woods on a hillside only accessible by trail. how was an ambulance ever going to reach them? "we're in the woods," she answered, only to immediately shake her head. no, that was useless. it wasn't even remotely enough to help anyone. "bluebell woods, just off the road from cedar's grove. y'know, the stables at the edge of town? there's a trail on the right that leads up the hillside and we're, i don't know, five minutes into the woods?"

there was more tapping followed by a brief pause. "alright, i've sent someone your way but it could be 20 minutes or so before they arrive," the operator warned. elle tensed. twenty minutes was a long time. too long in a lot of cases although hopefully not hers. but evening was quickly approaching and if they took any longer... she barely caught the rest of the woman's sentence. "-stay on the line with you."

elle frowned. "what? no, i can't," she explained, turning back to face the horses. "the connection up here's really spotty and-" elle cut herself off when she heard the familiar beeping of a dead line right on cue and lowered her phone with a sigh. stuffing it hastily back in her pocket, she returned to where pancake and claire were patiently waiting, unfazed by the situation. elle gathered their reigns before guiding them to the edge of the path and tying the leather around a nearby tree trunk. although she doubted they would run off, as they hadn't thus far, it might not stay that way when help arrived, and she secured the reigns in place with a double knot. she couldn't afford missing horses on top of everything else.

she stroked pancake's muzzle before moving away, pausing again when she reached connie's bag and bending down to retrieve her coat. elle dusted it off slightly as she returned to the other girl, picking her way through the foliage much quicker the second time and kneeling down beside her once again.

"don't worry, connie," she said quietly, draping the coat over connie's figure. "help's coming, i promise." she tucked the fabric in at the edges to keep her warm before reaching out and gently brushing the hair from her face. elle grimaced at the large scrape on her forehead that had been hidden behind it, streaked with dirt, before glancing over at connie's twisted leg instead. she knew she had to consider the possibility that she'd need to carry connie back to the stables herself but she had no idea how she was going to manage it if the situation arose. there were too many variables at play: the horses, the long trek back, her own strength, the time, connie's leg itself and the fact that she could have a spinal injury elle was none the wiser to. elle inhaled shakily, nervously picking at the hem of her jacket. she had to remember that help was coming but could only hope that it would find them. 


	18. seventeen

**word count:** 497

 **date written:** 13.6.19

 **verse:** alt-canon; scene rewrite

* * *

"are you alright?" elle asked when connie didn't immediately get to her feet, still kneeling on the concrete. she'd expected her to be one of the first out, hot on her patient's heels, but she'd barely moved. connie looked up, shooting her a glare before she fumbled with her jacket, struggling to gather it into her arms along with everything else. "here, let me help you." elle stepped forward as she finally got to her feet, reaching out to take something from her. 

"it's fine, i can manage," connie muttered, blowing hair out of her eyes as she brushed past her. elle frowned, watching as she crossed the room. not that it was much of one anymore. 

"why are you being like this?" she asked, and connie instantly turned around to face her again. her expression was unreadable but not, for once, because it was blank. instead, her face was a myriad of emotions, displaying an unusual mix of concern, outrage and hurt. 

"what are you even doing here, elle?" she snapped, gesturing to the dilapidated building they were currently in. "running away from the ED like this?" she wasn't any better. she'd assigned elle to cubicles specifically to avoid seeing her all day and yet, as soon as she'd heard elle had left with the paramedics, she'd gone running after her like a lost puppy -- even against protocol. 

"i wasn't running away!" elle protested, stepping closer. despite her best efforts, she couldn't help feeling frustrated. they'd gone from a one night stand to a casual fling in only a few short weeks but the second it had started to turn into something more, connie had shut her out and pushed her away without warning. "i was taking a step back just like _you_ asked me to." 

connie faltered, falling silent. she knew elle was right. she was the one who'd insisted they stop seeing each other. who'd claimed that she needed space and was no longer interested. in reality, she'd just been so scared of commitment and the possibility of forever that she'd defaulted to cutting elle off altogether. 

for a moment, they simply stared at each other, and when connie didn't respond, elle shook her head in disbelief. "what? do you really think i wouldn't rather be with you than out here?" she asked quietly. this wasn't running away, it was a distraction. the thrill and the danger and the unadulterated risk of it all was what kept her from thinking about where everything had gone wrong between them. 

she wasn't sure which of them leaned in first, when the silence became so think that nothing could've touched them. elle edged forward, and connie tilted her head to meet her as the gap between them slowly closed. for a blissful fraction of time, they were all that existed, oblivious to anything beyond each other, and the last thing elle felt before the floor abruptly gave out beneath their feet was connie's breath against her lips. 


	19. eighteen

**word count:** 1.1k

 **date written:** 14.6.19

 **verse:** alt-canon; scene rewrite

* * *

claire clutched her mother's car keys tight, pressing the button repeatedly and watching as the car's tail lights flashed in response to her locking and unlocking it. she could sense elle approaching her from across the courtyard but tried to ignore her as she drew closer, hoping she'd simply take the hint and go away. she didn't, unfortunately, stopping beside the bench, and claire was quick to make it known that she wasn't welcome. "can't you just leave me alone?" she muttered, glancing up at her in annoyance. elle shrugged innocently, hands hidden in the pockets of her work jacket, and sat down beside claire on the bench when she simply rolled her eyes and looked away.

elle watched as she continued to press the car keys in a specific rhythm, muttering something indistinct under her breath. it was blustery out and elle was surprised she wasn't cold in just her sheer cardigan and summer dress. "you aren't very strong, are you?" elle asked when claire only continued to ignore her. claire scowled.

"so what?" she snapped, angling her body away from elle as she tried to focus on the car instead. she didn't _have_ to be strong, least of all with a brain like hers. besides, she couldn't help it if everyone else was bigger than her. despite her clear unwillingness to talk, elle wasn't ready to give up trying. 

"so sarah's scratch marks had bruises alongside them," she revealed, leaning forward. "which means whoever hurt her had to be strong enough to leave them behind after they grabbed her." she noticed claire falter from the corner of her eye, shoulders falling a fraction as she gripped the car keys tighter, digging the metal into the palm of her hand. "can you explain that?" she smiled in wry amusement when claire stayed silent, stubbornly continuing to stare at the car instead. she really was just like connie. "you know, your mum talks about you a lot." 

"i bet you wish she'd shut up," claire said quietly, curling her legs further under the bench. she didn't see why anyone would enjoy hearing about her any more than they had to. elle laughed, brushing a loose curl behind her ear when the wind blew it free. 

"well she says that you're kind," elle told her gently, shuffling closer and clearing the small gap claire had put between them. "determined. _very_ smart. and painfully stubborn." claire eyed her doubtfully. she didn't want to like elle, scared of what it might mean, but her resolve was gradually starting to crumble under the weight of her friendliness. "if i was in your position, i would do whatever it took to protect my friend." she neglected to mention that she _had_ been in that position before not too long ago; when she'd allowed herself to be ostracized by the entire hospital all to protect connie's job. 

claire immediately tensed, her hands falling still. "she's not my friend," she admitted, shaking her head. elle frowned, unsurprisingly confused. as far as she, and everyone else, was aware, they _were_ friends. she had no idea why claire would claim otherwise but decided not to address it, worried that she would go silent again if confronted. 

"claire, i know you didn't hurt her," elle said softly, reaching out to gently rest a hand on her arm. claire jumped slightly, gaze briefly flickering over to her. "but it's our job to help her and we can't do that until we know exactly what happened." claire pressed her legs together, looking down at the car keys in her lap as she resumed pressing them. she didn't know how much she could trust elle, especially with a secret like hers, but keeping it to herself had already started to hurt more than she could cope with. 

she squeezed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath as she counted silently in time with the car locking and unlocking. when she reached fifty, she reluctantly opened them again, only they were now brimming with tears. "she's not my friend," claire repeated, voice almost a whisper, and her lower lip trembled slightly as she turned to face elle for the first time. "she... she picks on me. at school." elle's heart immediately sank. "we're supposed to be doing a science project and... she made me be her partner because i'm the smartest person in school." elle swallowed thickly, resting her hands on top of claire's, closed around the car keys.

"how did she get the bruises, claire?" she asked quietly. claire took a shaky breath, closing her eyes again as she tried to find the courage to tell the truth. it wasn't as easy to do as people had made out and her head had been aching ever since she'd woken up that morning. as the day had progressed, and things had taken a wrong turn, it had only gotten worse. 

"she's scared of her mum," she eventually whispered, gripping the car keys impossibly tight as she continued to press the button. locked, unlocked, locked, unlocked, locked. "i'm scared of her too. she... makes sarah feel bad about herself. i've _heard_ her. but sarah said... she said that if anyone ever found out then i had to take the blame." she sniffled, her eyes fluttering open as tears began to fall. "i didn't want to! but she said that if i didn't then she'd ruin my life!" she freed one of her hands to dry her eyes with and elle didn't hesitate to pull her into a hug. "i was just scared! she's already mean enough..." elle sighed, gently stroking her hair. she suspected connie was just as oblivious to the situation as she had been up until a second ago. elle knew she'd never let her daughter spend time with the girl who was terrorizing her. it would've been dealt with a long time ago. 

"please... you can't tell anyone," claire mumbled into elle's chest, voice muffled against the fabric of her jacket. "i don't want to get in trouble." the first time she'd accidentally caught sarah's mother hurting her, she'd run off with every intention of phoning her own and exposing what she'd seen. unfortunately, sarah had caught up to her before she could and twisted her arm until she'd promised to keep quiet, turning into a miniature version of her mother in the process. 

afraid of what else she might do, claire had tearfully obliged and reluctantly kept the truth to herself for weeks. telling someone was a huge weight lifted from her shoulders but now the repercussions of doing so were making her feel sick instead of the guilt that had been eating away at her for keeping the secret to begin with. whether or not she'd continued to, however, didn't seem to have mattered; the outcome was unpleasant either way. 


	20. nineteen

**word count:** 1k

 **date written:** 15.6.19

 **verse:** alt-canon

* * *

"i don't have to go home tonight, do i?" claire asked curiously as she finished coloring in the hearts she'd drawn on the inside of her card. she glanced up when she was done, watching connie try and fail to turn to the next page in her book with only one free hand. she promptly gave up with a sigh, looking over at her.

"no, sweetheart, you can stay here," she said, retrieving her phone from the bedside table instead. after narrowly escaping being buried alive just a few short hours ago, and fearing she might never see her daughter again, connie had no intention of letting claire leave her side any time soon. if they wanted to keep her in overnight for observation -- _"it's just a precaution; you could have a head injury that hasn't presented itself yet."_ \-- then claire was going to stay right here with her. 

claire grinned, turning back to her card as she signed her name beneath the message inside, followed by a row of near-identical perfect x's. she'd worried that connie might send her home with the babysitter, much like she usually did if she had to go somewhere overnight, but being away from her was the last thing claire wanted after today. aside from the fact that she would likely have nightmares about everything that had happened, she couldn't help fearing that she might never see connie again if they were separated for too long. she'd much rather sleep on the hospital floor than go home without her. 

"um... can i go to the toilet?" she asked, setting her pen down as she finally closed her card, running her hand along the edge to make sure it was folded tightly. connie frowned slightly, glancing up from her phone. 

"do you know where they are?" she asked, already putting it down and sitting up. "i can-" 

"it's okay, i know the way," claire said, interrupting her as she got to her feet. she hid the card behind her back, smiling brightly, and connie reluctantly relaxed back against her pillows. 

"alright, just don't wander off," she warned, only turning back to her phone when claire had disappeared from the room. out of her mother's sight, claire moved the card back into view and held it close as she made her way along the corridor. truth be told, she didn't need the toilet at all but she'd suspected that connie wouldn't let her do what she was planning to if she knew about it. after overhearing her impatiently question a nurse an hour ago and learning that elle had also been a victim of the earlier building collapse, claire was on a mission to track her down and pass on the handmade get-well-soon card.

according to the nurse, she too was being held in overnight for observation 'just down the corridor' and that's where claire was heading. the directions were more than vague and the hospital incredibly big but neither difficulty had been enough to put her off for when claire wanted to do something, there was very little that could deter her. 

she wandered through the corridors in silence, smiling politely at the people she passed and pausing to peer curiously around every door. she wasn't entirely sure how long she'd been walking for -- certainly longer than it took to go to the toilet -- but ventured on regardless, counting her steps as she went. 

it wasn't until she'd passed over half a dozen more doors that she found who she was looking for. elle was sat up in a hospital bed, leg bound in plaster, and surrounded by three boys that made claire hang by the entrance of the ward. she was too intimidated to venture much closer while they were there and held her card closer to her chest, trying to think of something to say as she watched them apprehensively. she didn't get much of a chance, caught by elle herself when she turned away from one of the boys and noticed her lurking in the doorway. 

"claire?" she called with a frown, using her hand to prop herself up further in bed. claire gasped quietly, shrinking back slightly when the three boys turned to look in her direction, appearing even more confused by her appearance than their mother. claire's eyes darted between them. they were all much older and much bigger than her. when she didn't answer, elle immediately grew concerned, assuming the worst. "what's wrong? is it your mum? is she alright?" 

claire's eyes widened in panic at the misunderstanding and she nodded furiously, making the room spin slightly when she stopped. "yes, she's fine," she confirmed quietly before hesitantly beginning to approach her. "i, um... actually just came to give you this..." she tiptoed beside the bed, stretching to reach over the railing and place the card squarely in elle's lap before she fell back, rocking on her heels. she offered elle a weak smile. "i, uh... hope you're okay." there was an awkward pause before, at a loss for what else to do or say, she abruptly blurted out, "bye!" and hurried back to the doorway, briefly stopping to glance over her shoulder at them before disappearing completely. 

elle shook her head slightly, bemused for a reaction, and picked up the card as the boys shared a look of confusion. it was handmade, folded carefully out of thick paper, and featured a brightly colored drawing of herself and claire holding hands, surrounded by balloons and what appeared to be a cake. she smiled before gently thumbing it open and finding claire's loopy handwriting inside, not all that dissimilar to her mother's own perfect cursive. 

"mum, who was that?" kalen finally asked when she didn't offer them an explanation herself, but she was too preoccupied with reading claire's message to hear him. he rolled his eyes, waving a hand in front of her face. "hello, earth to mum?" she looked up with a frown.

"what?" 

"who was that kid?" kalen repeated, gesturing to where claire had been standing just seconds ago. he'd never seen her before. 

"oh, that's claire," elle told him offhandedly, returning her attention to the card. "she's connie's daughter." kalen matched her expression, knowing he'd heard her say the second name before.

"connie..." he echoed just as he remembered the context she'd used it in. "isn't she that doctor you've been seeing?" elle sighed, carefully folding the card shut and running her hand over the drawing on the front. 

"it's complicated." 


	21. twenty

**word count:** 1.3k

 **date written:** 16.6.19

 **verse:** alt-canon; scene rewrite(s)

* * *

elle looked up at the sound of heels, watching in silence as connie approached her from the other end of the corridor. they hadn't seen each other since earlier, when connie had taken kieran upstairs and elle had been left handcuffed to a pipe in the basement while security tried to locate a pair of bolt-cutters. her wrists were still aching even now and she could only hope they wouldn't bruise -- as if she needed rumors circulating about why she had handcuff marks on them. connie took a seat beside her on the steps and their eyes met for a split second before she looked away again, struggling for words.

"what on earth did you think you were doing?" she asked after a moment, finally turning to look at her. elle frowned, tilting her head slightly as she searched connie's face in confusion.

"what?" 

"you should've waited," connie told her, and elle snorted in amusement as she realized what connie was referring to. she didn't know what else she'd expected, really, or if this was any better to receiving no reaction at all. 

"i think that might just be the worst thank you i've ever heard," she chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief. "you know, most people would-" she immediately cut herself off when connie reached out to lightly brush her bottom lip with the edge of her thumb. 

"shut up," she whispered, moving her hand to gently cup elle's face before she leaned forward and caught her lips in a soft kiss. it lasted only for a second, maybe less, but it still sent a shiver racing down elle's spine and she unwittingly leaned forward when connie pulled away, clearly wanting more. connie smiled at her with pure adoration, unable to hide it as she stroked a finger across elle's cheek. "so what are you doing later?"

elle frowned, almost wondering if she'd misheard her. "you mean...?" connie's smile only grew brighter and she nodded slightly as she ran the back of her hand along the curve of elle's jaw. "oh." without pause, elle wound an arm around connie's waist and pulled her closer, kissing her with the same fierceness that she'd used to. when they'd shared breathless moments in supply closets and secret kisses around corners when they thought nobody was nearby. 

connie hummed approvingly when elle's lips moved down to her neck, but abruptly tensed just seconds later when her eyes fluttered open and she noticed claire watching them from the other end of the corridor with wide eyes. without warning, connie sharply rose to her feet, accidentally making elle jump in the process, but claire was quick to run off when she realized she'd been caught. elle barely turned in time to see her bright hair disappear around the corner. connie sighed, falling back onto the steps beside elle, and ran a hand tiredly across her forehead. 

"i'm sorry," elle said quietly, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "we don't have to take this any further." connie turned to look at her, face only half-visible behind her hair. 

"i shouldn't have to choose between the two of you," she mumbled sadly, smiling faintly and leaning into elle's touch when she reached out to brush her hair back. 

"i know," she said, standing up and stretching her arms above her head. "but claire should always come first." she turned back to connie, holding a hand out and helping her up when she took it. connie sighed, intertwining their fingers as elle led them down the corridor. "she's just a little girl who's scared she's going to be replaced." they stopped a few feet short of the staffroom, turning to face each other. "give her a bit of time, alright?" connie nodded slightly and leaned forward to press a parting kiss to elle's cheek before she reluctantly let their hands fall apart.

* * *

connie sighed, standing idly at the entrance before she folded her arms tightly and hesitantly approached her car. she didn't know what to expect but she didn't know what she wanted to happen either and she opened the car door without a word, bracing herself for the worst but receiving no reaction at all. claire stayed quiet, resting her head against the passenger window as she stared outside at nothing in particular. connie closed the door with a faint grimace, turning to watch her for a moment before sadly lowering her gaze. this was somehow worse than being shouted out and while she knew she deserved it, that didn't make it hurt any less. she searched for something to say as the silence grew so thick she thought it might suffocate her. 

"i was about to tell you..." she explained quietly, forcing herself to look over at claire again. she knew there was no excuse for her cowardice. she'd been planning to tell her for weeks now but repeatedly bottled it at the last minute, afraid of claire's judgement. selfish as it was, she hadn't wanted to give elle up if claire turned out to disapprove. 

"you said it would always be just me and you," claire mumbled after a moment, turning to meet her mother's gaze. connie immediately wished she hadn't and struggled to hold it even more than usual, heartbroken by her despondent expression and teary eyes. "how long have you been seeing her?" connie held her breath, floundering for an answer, and could only scoff in nervous disbelief as words failed her. claire turned away again, sliding further down her seat. "you're unbelievable..." 

"i don't understand," connie said, shaking her head in mild exasperation. "you get along great with elle!" the two had become fast friends since meeting. elle was great with kids -- no doubt because she had three of her own -- and claire had taken to her in a heartbeat. on some days, they were impossible to even separate. 

claire pulled her legs up onto the edge of her seat, wrapping her arms around them and hugging them against her chest. "what if... what if you don't have enough time for both of us?" she asked quietly, eyes stinging as she struggled not to cry again. she knew connie's job was important -- that it paid for their house, their food, her school, and everything in between. she didn't blame her for the long hours, knowing they were beyond her control, and never had, but she couldn't see how connie was going to find time for everything when she already had so little of it. claire couldn't help worrying that one thing would have to be sacrificed in favor of the other two and she was terrified it would be her. "i can't be the one you forget about. i can't be..." she sniffled slightly before hiding her face in her arms, crying against her knees. she didn't have anyone else if that happened. it had always been just her and connie. 

"oh, claire," connie whispered, unable to stop tears forming in her own eyes as she leaned over to pull claire into a tight hug. claire shuffled closer, hastily drying her eyes with her sleeve before resting her head against connie's chest. "that's not going to happen, sweetheart. i could never forget about you.

"you promise?" claire sobbed, wrapping her arms tightly around connie's waist. connie sighed, rubbing circles across her back in an effort to soothe her. this wasn't remotely close to even the worst reactions she'd been picturing and it made her heart ache inexplicably to know claire had spent all this time fearing she would be abandoned. if connie had to give something up, she would, but it was never going to be claire. no matter what happened.

"i promise." 


	22. twenty one

**word count:** 1.9k

 **date written:** 5.7.19

 **verse:** unspecified au

* * *

"claire, slow down," elle sighed, bending over to catch claire in her arms before she could run headlong into the kitchen table. she'd been up at the crack of dawn and hadn't stopped for a single second since, running and jumping around the house like her life depended on it. claire looked up at her with bright eyes. 

"but i'm excited, mum!" she said, fidgeting eagerly in elle's arms. elle shook her head, amused but exasperated, and picked her up before pulling out a chair with her foot and placing claire into it. luca looked up when she started tapping her hands happily against the table, frowning at her in confusion. 

"you're so _weird_ ," he muttered, returning to his cereal. 

"oi," elle warned, lightly smacking his arm as she passed him on the way to the toaster. he shot her an annoyed look, letting his spoon fall back into the bowl as he turned slightly in his chair to face her.

"well it's true!" he exclaimed, glancing back at claire. "who gets excited about _school?"_

"i do!" claire said, grinning brightly at him as she swung her legs back and forth beneath the table. luca rolled his eyes, turning back to his DS as elle brought claire's toast over, setting it down gently in front of her. claire didn't waste any time on digging in. "and this school's new so it's like a big surprise! there'll be new rooms, new books, new teachers, new lessons, new-"

"-kids?" luca finished for her, sheepishly looking down at his cereal when elle glared at him over claire's head. claire slowly lowered her half-eaten slice of toast, eyes wide. 

"new kids?" she echoed quietly, staring down at her plate. she hadn't thought about that. she'd been so busy thinking about the library and the playground and the reading corner that she hadn't spared even a moment's thought for the other students. 

"claire?" elle placed a hand on the back of her chair, crouching down beside her. it was the first time she'd gone quiet all morning. claire turned to look at her uncertainly. 

"i, uh..." she coughed loudly, covering her mouth with her hand. "i don't feel well." suddenly, going to school sounded like the worst idea in the world. she turned in her chair, holding the edge of the table as she hopped off of it onto the floor. "i need to get some rest." elle watched in concern as she wandered out of the room before turning to glower at luca. he immediately sank further in his own seat.

"well done," she scolded, tucking claire's vacant chair back under the table before picking up her unfinished plate of toast. as a doctor, she knew full well that claire was faking it. as a mother, she knew claire wasn't going to give up the charade without a fight. if she gave it up at all. elle sighed, placing the plate on the counter near the sink before she went to find where claire had run off to. luca didn't say anything as she left, pushing his cheerios around the bowl and avoiding her gaze altogether when she passed.

having heard her stumble upstairs, elle already knew where to look first. she tiredly climbed the steps, bypassing claire's room altogether, and turned into her own when she reached the first floor landing. connie was sat on the edge of their bed when she entered and, just like elle had suspected might be, there was a claire-sized lump under the duvet beside her. 

"there you are," connie said, scowling slightly as she got to her feet and joined her by the door. "what were you thinking, saying she can have the day off without asking me first? she most likely only has a slight cold and-" 

"i didn't say she can have the day off," elle corrected, interrupting her. connie always had been a stickler about attendance and while she trusted elle fully, she liked to be consulted about decisions before they were made -- especially where claire was concerned. connie frowned, shoulders falling slightly. 

"you didn't?" she asked. elle shook her head and connie immediately turned back to the bed. "claire!" right on cue, and with a muffled squeak, the claire-sized lump moved to the opposite side of the bed away from them, growing in size slightly as claire wrapped herself up further in the material. 

"claire, don't," elle warned, hurrying over to where she'd ended up. "you'll suffocate if you keep doing that." she tried to untangle her from the duvet but claire kicked back at her, scurrying in the opposite direction towards the pillows where she stopped and curled back into a ball. 

"you can't make me go!" she shouted, voice muted under the thick fabric and followed by a bout of fake coughing. "i'm sick!" connie shot elle a look of confusion from the other side of the bed, failing to understand where claire's sudden desire to stay home had come from. the last time connie had seen her, she'd been dancing out of the room and babbling about sitting at the 'top table' in class. 

"luca brought up 'new kids'," elle said and connie sighed. claire had never been keen on meeting new people, especially not in large numbers, and after what had happened at her old school... it was clear why she suddenly didn't want to go. 

"claire, come on," connie cooed, crouching down beside the bed where claire was huddled beneath the duvet. "come out." at first, neither of them thought she as going to answer let alone do as she'd been asked, and elle walked around the bed to join connie. no sooner had she kneeled down beside her, however, did the duvet shift. claire peered out from beneath it, blinking tearfully at them. "oh sweetheart... why don't you want to go to school, hm? you were excited earlier!" 

"what if nobody likes me?" claire whispered, sitting up and pulling the duvet tightly around herself to mimic a cocoon. it was why she'd had to move schools in the first place. none of the children at the last one had liked her, teasing her relentlessly for being 'freakishly' smart. it had gotten so bad she would make herself sick to avoid going altogether, and she didn't want to relive the experience. she'd much rather just never go to any sort of school ever again. 

"well you won't know that until you go, darling," connie said, standing up to sit on the edge of the bed beside her instead. claire hugged her legs closer to her chest.

"i don't _want_ to know," she mumbled quietly against her knees. normally, she wanted to know everything about anything and connie grimaced, looking to elle for help. loath as she was to admit it, cheering up their children wasn't her strongest forte as a mother. that was usually left up to elle, who seemed to exude happiness purely by existing. 

elle joined them on the bed, crossing her legs. "but what if they _do_ like you?" she pointed out, leaning forward so she could see claire's face around the bulk of the duvet. "you won't know that either unless you go." claire paused, staring at the floor with a frown. that was true. she hadn't thought about it that way. what if someone did like her? what if they wanted to be her _friend?_ she'd never had a friend outside of her brothers before. then again, was it really worth the possibility that the opposite might be true? 

"no, it's too risky," claire mumbled, shaking her head firmly before disappearing back beneath the duvet, letting it conceal her completely once more. elle rolled her eyes in amusement, moving back to lift away the duvet and unearth her again. claire scowled up at her, folding her arms indignantly. 

"what if the benefits outweigh the risk?" elle asked slowly, shuffling closer to her. claire blinked back, unable to hide her curiosity. "if you give school a go, we'll take you whereeeeeeeever you want this weekend." claire's lips parted in surprise. 

"wherever?" she echoed in awe, eyes wide. elle glanced at connie over claire's head, smirking in triumph. 

"did you have somewhere in mind?" she asked, knowing full well that claire did. ever since last month she'd been badgering them non-stop about going to-

"the in-depth criminology pop-up exhibit at the museum!" she squealed, cupping her face. "can we?" she bounced excitedly where she was sat, shaking the bed slightly. "can we, can we, can we?" 

"we can," connie said, long having caught onto elle's plan. " _if_ you go to school today. just to see what it's like." claire immediately went still again, shifting to look over at her.

"mummy that's blackmail," she gasped, eyes wide. connie had to fight not to laugh at how scandalized she sounded. 

"no," elle corrected, reaching out to tap the tip of claire's nose when she turned back to her. "it's a trade. you do something for us, we do something for you." 

"no," claire countered, copying elle by stretching upwards to tap her mother's nose. "it's a _bribe_. you're trying to make me do something for you by teasing me with a reward!" elle rolled her eyes, folding her arms. 

"do you want to go to the exhibit or not?" she asked. 

"now it's a threat!" claire whined, falling forward into elle's lap in defeat. connie pressed her lips together, still trying to contain her amusement. claire pouted, rolling over to look at elle who stuck her tongue out at her. claire did the same back before sighing, picking at the hem of her school cardigan in thought. 

"do you _promise_ you'll take me?" she asked quietly after a moment, avoiding her mothers' gazes. connie and elle shared a triumphant look. 

"pinkie promise," connie said, inching closer and offering claire her little finger. "and if we don't, you're welcome to call us clowns until we do." it had been claire's latest favorite insult ever since she'd heard kalen shout it at his xbox the previous week, but the pure vigor she said it with made it adorable more than anything. claire eyed connie's hand skeptically before reluctantly reaching up to curl her own pinkie around her mother's. 

"you too, mum," claire insisted, pulling her hand free so she could offer her finger to elle instead. she didn't hesitate to take it. 

"cross my heart and hope to die, stick a scalpel in my eye," she recited, shaking their intertwined fingers with each word before letting go. claire narrowed her eyes, looking up at her in suspicion before deciding that elle was being genuine and sitting up. 

"alright, i'll go," she relented with a sigh, hanging her legs over the edge of the bed. she'd much rather take the risk of a disastrous first day at school than the risk of not being able to go to the exclusive criminology exhibit before it finished. 

"good girl," connie said, stroking the top of her head before she got to her feet. "you know we wouldn't make you go unless it was important, don't you?" claire nodded slightly, taking elle's hand as she slid off of the bed after her. 

"i know," she answered, following them out of the room. they'd never made her do anything she really didn't want to unless it was important she at least tried first. they were halfway down the stairs when she suddenly perked up again, swinging her and elle's conjoined hands. "can i get ice-cream when we go to the museum?"

"we'll see," connie said without looking back, smiling at claire's immediate quiet 'yes' of excitement. 


	23. twenty two

**word count:** 922

**date written:** 2.8.19

**verse:** medical secrets au

* * *

"but sometimes, when she looked into the mirror, she was sure she could still see the shadow of a unicorn looking back at her," elle finished, turning to the next story and bookmarking the page before she gently closed the book. she yawned, craning her stiff neck, but claire had other ideas and loudly tapped the front cover of the book. 

"more," she demanded quietly, wriggling impatiently in elle's lap when she didn't immediately reopen it. it wasn't uncommon for elle to read to her until she fell asleep, but while she'd started to drift off midway through the last story, she was wide awake now that it was over. 

"more?" elle echoed in disbelief. they'd already gone through two entire stories and they were hardly short -- full novels, almost, compared to the mr. men books from months prior. 

"more," claire mumbled again, yawning slightly as she leaned back against elle and lazily tapped the book a second time. elle rolled her eyes fondly, repositioning her legs and letting the book slide onto the floor. 

"i think we've read enough for one night," she said, nudging the book farther away with her foot as she laid down on her back. claire huffed as she was dragged along, trapped behind elle's arms. she rolled herself over once they were still again, wriggling up elle's body and resting her chin on her collarbone. 

"i am displeased!" she announced with a frown that reflected her claim. elle laughed, lifting her head to look at her. it wasn't unlike claire to come out with 'too big' words, usually picked up from other people, but elle hadn't heard this one yet. 

"displeased, huh?" she said, grinning at claire's expression. she was certainly using it in the right context. "where'd you get that one from?"

"mummy," claire giggled, hugging elle's figure as she nuzzled her cheek against her shirt. "she shouted at mr. stretchan." elle bit back an amused snort at her mispronunciation of his surname, deciding it was too genius to correct. "and he look like this." claire sat up slightly before pulling a ridiculous face that immediately sent elle into a meltdown. her head fell back against the carpet as she burst into laughter that claire was quick to join in on, falling against elle's chest. 

neither of them heard the bedroom door open -- not that it had been closed properly in the first place -- and were unaware that the amount of noise they were making had attracted outside attention until connie came to a stop beside them, clearing her throat. "since when was playtime at 6PM?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow when the pair looked up at her with matching smiles. "not that it even is 6PM anymore." elle angled her head back to look at the clock and groaned when she discovered it was 6:50pm. 

"it's her fault," she said, gesturing down at claire as she pulled herself into a sitting position. claire slid into her lap, curling up into a slight ball as she hugged elle's thigh. 

"wrong," she mumbled, failing to suppress a yawn as she nestled her head into the back of elle's knee. now that she'd fallen still again, she was struggling to keep her eyes open. "mama stopped the reading." 

"because you were tired, muffin," elle pointed out, running her fingers through claire's short curls. "come on, why don't we get you into bed now?" claire freed a hand as she rolled over to look up at them, tiredly rubbing one eye. 

"okay," she mumbled, clinging onto elle's shirt when she gently lifted her up a moment later. she carried her over to the bed on the other side of the room where connie was already waiting with the sheets drawn back and carefully set her down on the mattress. no sooner had her head hit the pillow did connie cover claire with the duvet, tucking her in. 

"good girl," she said, taking her stuffed rabbit from the end of the bed and passing it to her. "mummys have the morning shift tomorrow so we have to get up a little earlier, alright?" claire nodded tiredly, disappearing partly behind her rabbit as she cuddled it against her face. connie smiled, running the back of her hand along the length of claire's arm before leaning over to press a soft kiss to her cheek. "goodnight, darling." 

"don't let the butterflies bite," elle added, and claire giggled slightly when elle bent down to kiss her forehead after connie had stepped back.

"night, mummys," she mumbled, closing her eyes and wriggling further under the duvet as she made herself comfortable. connie and elle watched her until she fell still again before they switched off the light and stepped outside, gently closing the door behind them. it wasn't until they were halfway down the hall that they spoke again. 

"how was work?" elle asked quietly, casting connie a faint look of worry. she'd been meaning to ask her ever since she'd gotten home but with four children on the loose, and dinner yet to even be started, she hadn't had the opportunity. connie shrugged, pausing at the top of the stairs. "is he still bothering you?" 

"not anymore," connie sighed, leaning back against the wall. part of her couldn't help wishing that elle wouldn't ask; this wasn't something she should have to deal with as well. "he moved wards today so..." she looked up, summoning a half-hearted smile as she forced herself to meet elle's questioning gaze. "hopefully that's the end of it." 

* * *

**continues in:** 23


	24. twenty three

**word count:** 947

**date written:** 3.8.19

**verse:** medical secrets au

* * *

claire sat back on her heels, still clutching her blue crayon as she watched connie cross the room and collect her bag from where it was hanging by the door. "lunch now?" she asked, abandoning her unfinished drawing as she awkwardly pulled herself to her feet.

"that's right, darling," connie said, freeing her hair from under the strap of her bag as claire wandered over with her hand outstretched. "it's lunchtime." connie happily took her hand the moment she was within reach, guiding her out of the office. 

"mummy coming?" claire asked instead, looking up at connie as she gently closed the door behind them. the few times she'd had lunch at the hospital, elle had always joined them, and she was expecting her to be there this time as well. 

"yes, mummy will be there," connie confirmed gently, steering them down the corridor in the direction of the cafeteria. usually she just brought her own lunch to work, but claire had developed an almost odd taste for hospital food and clamored for it every time she was in the building. 

"i have banana?" claire questioned further as they turned the corner, skipping slightly to match connie's longer strides. connie nodded somewhat absently, sparing a polite smile for another doctor as they passed by. 

"yes, you can have a banana," she said. the cafeteria always had baskets of fruit available as a healthy alternative to dessert, and claire never failed to take a banana. she was so set on having one each time that connie even had a backup hidden in her bag to avoid a repeat of the last time the cafeteria hadn't had any available. claire smiled brightly at her answer, dancing slightly as they continued to walk, but her delight was shortlived.

"there you are." 

connie froze halfway down the corridor, gripping claire's hand tighter as she turned around and forced her to come to an abrupt stop. she looked over in confusion and immediately shrank back slightly when she discovered a familiar man approaching them. she still didn't know his name yet but what she did know was that he wasn't a very nice person. 

greg came to a stop in front of them, cocky as always, and if he could sense connie's warranted hostility, he blatantly ignored it. instead, he smiled when he spotted claire and crouched down to match her level. "and if it isn't darwin's little rising star," he said, reaching out to ruffle her curls. connie snapped into action before he could manage to, pulling claire back. 

"don't touch her," she hissed, tightening her hold of claire's hand and stepping in front of her, putting herself between them. greg smiled wryly before slowly rising to his feet again and returned his hands to his pockets as he looked her up and down. 

"you're making this harder than it needs to be, connie," he told her blankly. claire peered around connie's leg, blinking up at him with wide eyes. she'd been in the car the last time he'd appeared, barely able to see him through the window, and had missed most of the conversation. she wished she was in the car now too. 

"i think you'll find you're doing that on your own," connie retorted, glaring back at him. she knew what he was after but she had no intention of bending to his will. while he might have been able to convince her to cover his ass once upon a time, it wouldn't work anymore. not when she had so much more of value to lose if things went horribly wrong. "it's not _my_ fault that you're incapable of taking 'no' for an answer." 

greg shook his head in amusement. "i never lose, connie," he reminded her firmly, "and i don't plan to start now so either you help me like a good little girl or regret refusing to." 

"how dare you threaten me," connie growled. she stepped towards him but immediately faltered when claire clung onto her hand. greg smirked. 

"i wouldn't call it a threat," he said innocently even though they both knew he was anything but. "more like a warning. you're not the only one with connections, connie." his gaze flickered down to where claire was still watching him from behind her mother's leg. "but you are the only one with weaknesses."

connie's jaw tightened, and she curled her free hand into a fist. "my answer is still no," she told him through gritted teeth, stubbornly holding his gaze with dark eyes. "and no amount of pathetic intimidation attempts or empty threats is going to change that." 

greg grinned, showing his teeth, and claire gasped quietly, reminding of a shark as she hid behind connie. "is that so," he said balefully, and although connie tensed slightly, she otherwise hid her unease. 

"my wife's waiting for us," she revealed tightly, ignoring his response. someone was expecting them. she knew he wouldn't risk holding them up for much longer in that knowledge. 

after a moment, greg reluctantly turned away. "clock's ticking, connie," he warned as he walked off, back the way he'd come. connie's eyes fluttered shut in relief when he eventually disappeared from view. no matter how hard she tried to avoid him, he always seemed to find her. something had to be done -- she had to strike before he could. she opened her eyes again when claire tugged firmly on her hand, bringing her back to reality.

"hungry," she said, pointing in the direction they'd been heading before greg's arrival. "go see mummy." connie sighed, forcing herself to smile, and she gave claire's hand a reassuring squeeze as they finally resumed their walk to the cafeteria. 

* * *

**continues in:** 25

**previously in:** 22


	25. twenty four

**word count:** 2.5k

 **date written:** 5.8.19

 **verse:** canon-divergence; fix-it

* * *

she'd been backed into the very recesses of a corner, pressed against the wall with no way out and no choice but to swallow her pride. things were falling apart quicker than connie could ever hope to salvage them, and she was playing fire with time as it ran between her fingers like sand. she needed help, and there was only one person left for her to turn to.

or so she'd thought. 

stood at the end of elle's street, she wasn't quite so sure anymore. after the things she'd said and done to her, why would elle help her now? she had more of a right than anyone to slam the door in her face, but connie knew that if she was ever going to come out of this mess with even a shred of life left in her, she at least had to try. 

so she took a deep breath, swallowed her nerves and pride and everything else that was fighting to convince her to turn around, and walked up the path to elle's house. 

she didn't know what she was expecting. or what she was hoping for, really. if elle turned her away, connie knew it would be the final straw. the thread she'd been hanging on by would break even quicker than her heart, and she wasn't sure what she might do when she truly had nothing left to lose. 

she paused at the edge of the driveway, feeling even smaller than usual in the shadow of elle's house. it had been weeks since she'd last seen her -- maybe even a month, she hadn't been able to keep track -- but the last real thing she'd to elle was still scored fresh into her memory. 

_"in what twisted little universe are you and i friends?"_

she grimaced, forcing herself to approach the front door despite wanting nothing more than to walk away. she almost felt lost when she stopped on elle's doorstep, even though it was exactly where she needed to be, and raised a trembling hand. she shook her head when she hesitated and knocked several times before she could change her mind. panic settled in immediately -- she hadn't thought she'd get this far -- and when the door opened, her heart stopped dead. 

elle was the same as ever, wild curls and dark lips, unchanged from weeks gone by except she now looked as though she'd seen a ghost. connie had missed her when she'd gone, slowly descending into despair and self-destructing beyond control in her absence, but it was only now they were face-to-face again that she realized just how much. 

"i'm sorry," she blurted out before elle could slam the door in her face, staring up at her with wide eyes. she'd always gone to great lengths to hide her vulnerability in the past, but it had finally broken free of its shackles. if anybody was ever going to see her like this, it was always going to be elle. "for what i said. what i did. i-" she cut herself off when her breath caught in her chest, already able to feel the familiar sting of tears forming in her eyes as the emotions she'd spent months bottling up suddenly descended upon her like a kettle of hungry vultures. 

she closed her eyes, trying to steady her breathing before she panicked completely, but jumped sharply when elle placed a hand on her arm without warning a moment later. she immediately withdrew it, looking guilty, and wordlessly held out her hand instead. it was an open invite, free of judgement, and connie knew it was more than she ever deserved. it was only natural that she hesitated, nervously pausing several times before she finally took elle's hand. 

it wasn't an immediate fix. nor did it right any of the wrongs she'd made in the last few weeks. but it was a relief; a weight off her shoulders; a chance. and those were just as important right now.

elle wrapped her fingers gently over connie's, offering her a faint smile as she slowly led her out of the cold. the moment connie was through the door, she was enveloped in a pleasant warmth that made her shiver. it convinced her that nothing bad could ever happen here, and she immediately felt far safer than she had in what might as well have been forever.

she kept quiet as elle guided her through the house, counting the number of framed photos they passed in an attempt to distract herself. it worked somewhat, and she felt a touch calmer by the time they stepped into the kitchen. 

it wasn't quite what she'd expected -- endearingly cluttered with fairy lights strung across the top of the stove -- but she didn't know how it could ever look any other way now she'd seen it. she didn't realize elle had let go of her until she heard her pull out a chair, and she wandered over on autopilot to occupy it as elle turned to the counter. 

for a long time, the room stayed completely silent, save for the kettle boiling and the sound of clinking porcelain when elle removed two mugs from the overhead cupboard, but there was nothing uncomfortable about it. there usually never was when it came to just the two of them. connie was glad that, at least, hadn't changed. 

the smell of coffee soon filled the air, and connie finally shrugged off her coat, twisting her hands together in her lap. now that she was sat still, her nerves were starting to resurface. she'd made it through the door just fine, and elle hadn't snapped at her just yet, but would it stay that way when she slowly began to learn what connie had done in her absence? 

a lavender mug was abruptly placed on the table by her hand, and elle said nothing as she took a seat opposite her, cradling her own coffee. she looked down into her drink, warming her fingers against the mug, but connie couldn't take the waiting for any longer than she already had. 

"i'm sorry," she said, echoing her earlier words as she reached out to pull her drink closer. elle glanced up, tilting her head slightly. "what i did... what i _said_..." connie sighed. "i was scared and worried about being found out. about _you_ finding out." she shook her head. "but it's no excuse."

"i'm sorry, too," elle said after a quiet pause, smiling slightly in amusement when connie's eyes widened with surprise. she'd had a lot of time to think since leaving, and it had told her she'd been wrong. pushing connie until she'd snapped and then blaming it on her had highlighted a side of herself she never wanted to see again. "i never should've left you in that state on your own." 

"i don't blame you," connie said quietly. "god knows i deserved it." elle had seen connie look lost on few occasions but it had always been too many and, right now, she looked even worse than all of them combined. 

"you didn't come here just to apologize, did you?" elle asked after a brief silence, raising her mug to her lips. she had the privilege of knowing connie better than anyone else, and so she knew that she wouldn't have come here unless she felt she had no other choice. connie gripped her mug tighter, staring down at her untouched coffee.

"you have every right to throw me out for only coming to you now." she paused, closing her eyes. "when i'm like this... but i didn't know what else to do. you're the only one left." she squeezed her eyes shut tighter, taking a deep breath. "elle, i've... dug myself a hole, and i don't know how to get out of it. the things i've done..." she trailed off, unable to think of the right word to describe her recent actions. terrible seemed too tame. 

"tell me." 

connie looked up sharply, eyes flashing open again as she studied elle from across the table. she was half expecting to see anger, or disappointment, but elle's expression was completely free of judgement. if anything, she almost looked sad. connie sighed, pulling her mug closer. she wasn't entirely sure where to start, but she supposed the beginning was as good a place as any. the first rung on the ladder to her own undoing.

"after you left," she started slowly, staring into her coffee again, "i kept going back into resus." she tensed slightly, gripping her mug tighter. "i didn't want anyone else to figure things out like you had. i thought i could handle it." she closed her eyes for a moment, already struggling. "i was wrong." she could remember the incident like it was yesterday, reminded of it every time she caught ciaran watching her from the shadows like a tiger stalking its prey, waiting until she cracked under the pressure and admitted to what she'd done. 

"a woman had just given birth and she needed surgery but theater was backed up. i intubated and it caused a massive bleed. we managed to get it under control but..." she took a deep breath, bracing herself for elle's inevitable disgust. "with you gone, my job is all i have left. i panicked, and... i blamed the mistake on archie." 

"oh, connie..." elle breathed, face falling. 

"once i'd said it, i couldn't take it back," connie said. "i was..." too proud and too scared. there hadn't been anyone to turn to anymore. going with the lie had seemed like the only option left. she'd never intended for it to get this far, and it should've stopped there, but in her desperation to hold onto some semblance of normality, connie hadn't let it. she swallowed thickly before forcing herself to continue. 

"last week, i was in there again," she revealed quietly, sounding even smaller than before. "i couldn't admit that i needed help. i thought that if i could just prove my mistake had been a fluke, everything would be fine." she paused, preparing herself for what was coming. "i was on my own, trying to treat two patients. one needed saline, the other needed pain relief. i had both syringes ready when duffy brought someone else in. she wasn't supposed to be working, but we were overcrowded and understaffed, and i-" she inhaled shakily, pushing her mug away as she cradled her head in her hands instead, an unwelcome stinging behind her eyes. 

"i didn't label them." her voice shook slightly, and the grooves in the table blurred together beneath her. "i told her to pass me the saline, and when she asked which one it was, i said the one nearest to her." elle grimaced. she knew where this was going. "it wasn't. i administered the wrong fluid and-" connie stopped to breathe, chest uncomfortably tight. it felt like she was being crushed. knowing what she'd done was one thing. admitting it out loud was another. elle frowned, leaning forward slightly.

"connie?"

"it was all my fault," connie said, fighting to keep her voice level. "i'm the one who forgot to label the syringes, and i'm the one who told duffy to grab the wrong one." she blinked, and a cluster of tears fell to the table, pooling on its surface. there was no coming back from her next words. elle was going to hate her just like everyone else did, and connie couldn't even fault her for it. "but instead of owning up to it, i lied." elle's heart ached inexplicably when connie looked up at her.

"i manipulated an elderly woman with dementia into thinking it was her fault," she admitted before finally dissolving into tears, unable to fight them any longer. she shook her head in shame, caught between a sob and an empty laugh. "what the hell is wrong with me?"

she disappeared behind her hands just as elle got to her feet, rounding the table to kneel beside her chair in one fluid movement. connie didn't even realize she was there until she pulled her into a wordless hug, holding her close. connie slumped against her, burying her face in the crook of elle's neck and crying into her curls. she couldn't tell if she was dreaming or not, still waiting for the moment elle called her names and walked away. 

she didn't do either. 

"it's alright," she whispered, rubbing her hand across connie's back. although things were far from it, connie believed her. "i've got you." elle couldn't help but shoulder part of the blame. even though it was every day that she'd regretted leaving, she'd never expected her absence to trigger something so extreme. she knew that if she'd stayed, it was likely that none of this ever would've happened. so while connie didn't blame her, she certainly blamed herself. she sighed, reluctantly pulling away, and reached up to cup connie's face. 

"connie, look at me," she ordered gently. it took a few seconds but connie did as she was told, tearfully meeting elle's gaze. "there is _nothing_ wrong with you, alright?" connie's lower lip trembled as fresh tears fell, and elle wiped them away with the edge of her thumb. "but you _are_ ill, and it's been eating away at you all this time." she hung her head. she should've known throwing a card on connie's desk and simply walking out on her would do more harm than good. she should've dragged her to a therapist herself. "it's not all your fault, but enough is enough. you _need_ help." 

connie squeezed her eyes shut, nodding slowly as she tried to control her breathing. she knew elle was right, but she'd been too scared to admit it. she'd associated asking for help with being weak for so long that she couldn't do it alone, and when elle had gone, there had been no-one else left. convincing herself that she was fine, and pretending there was nothing wrong, had seemed like the only course of action after that. 

"what am i going to do?" she whispered, opening her eyes again as her mind wandered back to work and the inevitable career death she'd set in motion. everyone there had turned against her and, after the things she'd done, she didn't know if she'd ever be able to go back. 

"you need to tell the truth," elle said quietly, and connie's eyes immediately widened in panic. she couldn't. the idea alone made her feel sick. no good could come from admitting to what she'd done but, then, no good could come from continuing to lie either. she'd trapped herself in a corner, like a king on a chessboard, and now she was going to lose no matter what move she made. 

"but-" 

"about everything," elle added, cutting her off, and connie jumped slightly when elle took her hands, holding them gently. "your anxiety, the panic attacks, the sleepless nights. they're not your fault. anyone would struggle with what you've been through. you've been spiraling out of control ever since bill was arrested, but it's time to stop." she reached up to brush connie's hair back behind her ear, catching her eye, and the soft smile on her face was more than enough to convince connie that everything would be alright in the end. 

"you can breathe now, connie." 


	26. twenty five

**word count:** 1.2k

 **date written:** 7.8.19

 **verse:** medical secrets au

* * *

to say she was distracted would've been an understatement, and it was mostly claire who guided them to the cafeteria as connie's mind was preoccupied by thoughts of greg instead. she knew what he wanted, but she had no intention of giving it to him, especially not after all the threats he'd made, even if it wasn't in her best interests. crossing greg was a bad idea at the best of times but when he was this obsessive... she didn't want to think about it.

"mama!"

she was jerked back to reality by the sound of claire squealing as she released her hand without warning. connie was ready to panic but immediately breathed a sigh of relief when she realized claire was only running to meet elle, sat on the edge of a table while she waited for them. 

"there you are!" elle said, face lighting up as she returned her phone to her pocket and crouched down to pick claire up, lifting her high into the air much to her delight. connie froze, reminded of when greg had said the exact same words just minutes ago, but gathered herself before either of the others could notice and plastered a smile on her face as she joined them. 

"sorry, we lost track of time," she lied as claire rested her head on elle's shoulder, falling quiet. connie knew it was a safe excuse, having used it as a legitimate reason several times in the past. it wasn't uncommon for her to get distracted by paperwork, ignoring the clock as she worked to finish. 

"typical," elle said, rolling her eyes in fond amusement as she turned away and made a beeline for a nearby table. "come on, i'm starving." connie followed her without a word, smile fading the second elle wasn't looking. she couldn't keep it up for long, not when she had bigger things to worry about.

"want banana," claire said quietly as elle placed her in the chair by the window and tucked her in. making a mess was more of a concern with her brothers, but elle knew from experience that it was better to be safe than sorry. 

"and before that?" she asked, falling into her own seat with a faint sigh. she'd been rushed off her feet all morning and was more than grateful to rest them at last. claire took a few seconds longer than usual to answer, but she still asked for the same thing she always did. 

"beanchee 'tato." 

for the first time all day, connie managed a genuine smile. "i'll order," she said, pausing beside claire's chair to press a kiss against her temple before she walked off. in her absence, elle took the opportunity to check her emails, scrolling down to open the few that had come through during the morning rush. meeting, meeting, reminder, conference. she set her phone down with a sigh but immediately frowned when she looked over at claire. she was sat still in complete silence, staring down blankly at the table instead of fidgeting with everything like she normally would. 

"claire?" elle said gently, leaning towards her. claire looked up but didn't say so much as a word, blinking back at her. concern bubbled in elle's chest. claire wasn't a particularly loud child but this was too quiet even for her. "hey, what's the matter?" claire scowled before looking down at the table again.

"saw mean man," she mumbled, tracing squiggly lines across the wood with her finger. connie wasn't the only one with greg on her mind. elle glanced over to where connie was still scrutinizing the menu before rising to her feet and rounding the corner of the table. she lifted claire out of her chair so that she could occupy it instead, balancing her on her lap . 

"when?" she asked, brushing claire's curls back slightly. 

"when coming," claire said, shifting in elle's embrace to look up at her, eyes wide. "he stop mummy." elle's gaze flickered over to connie again, searching for a sign that something was wrong, but she was as blank a canvas as ever.

"did he say anything?" elle asked, turning her attention back to claire. she nodded, twisting the hem of her shirt around her finger. "like what?" this time, claire shrugged, unable to answer. partly because she didn't remember what he'd said and partly because she didn't know how to repeat most of it. elle frowned, running her bottom lip between her teeth. she'd expected that to be the answer, but she'd at least had to ask. 

"have you seen him before?" she tried instead after a moment's thought. claire nodded, pulling her napkin off of the table. "how many times?" elle shifted claire's weight onto her other leg, watching as she began to fold the napkin as many times as she could. 

"lots," claire said. she didn't remember every time she'd seen greg, but it was hard to forget both him and the way he made connie feel. claire had suffered from more than a few nightmares after the first time she'd encountered him. "in car before."

"you saw him when you were in the car?" elle said, trying to make sure she was following along correctly. claire nodded, now folding in the corners of her napkin instead. 

"he come out," she said, gesturing to the cafeteria's doors in lieu of the hospital's main entrance. "mummy closed the door and they talk." she went quiet for a moment and let her napkin fall flat as she twisted around to look up at elle again. "mama stop him?" 

elle's heart ached at her hopeful tone, and she leaned forward to envelope claire in a tight hug, making her squeal in delight when she pressed a kiss to her cheek. "'course i will," she sighed into claire's curls, resting her chin on her head. although claire hadn't mentioned his name, she had a sinking feeling that she knew who the man being referred to was and watched with faint worry as connie paid for their lunch across the room. he'd been hassling her for a while now -- something about wanting her job? connie hadn't been particularly forthcoming when questioned, much like always, reluctant to discuss it and assuring her that everything was fine. 

elle had tried not to worry at first but after the night connie had come home late from work, visibly shaken, it had been impossible not to. even when she'd continued to insist it was nothing. elle reluctantly got to her feet when connie turned away from the counter and made her way back over to them, gently placing claire in her seat again. she already seemed much happier, pretending her crumpled napkin was a bird and 'flying' it around her head. 

"everything alright?" connie asked once she was within earshot, balancing their lunch on a single tray. elle took it from her as she returned to her seat, setting it down carefully on the table. claire immediately forgot her napkin at the arrival of food, bouncing slightly in her chair as she hungrily eyed the little baked potato she knew was hers. 

"yeah, we were just having some fun," elle lied, smiling across at claire as she reached for her plate without much luck. whatever connie was hiding, it would have to wait until they were alone. they weren't going to have that conversation in front of their daughter.

* * *

**continues in:** 34

 **previously in:** 23


	27. twenty six

**word count:** 2.5k

 **date written:** 9.8.19

 **verse:** canon-divergence; fix-it

* * *

when she'd left, elle hadn't planned on coming back. she'd been frustrated and determined and stupid, although that one had taken a few days for her to realize. when she'd been upset and exhausted, thinking rationally had been harder to do. if it had been any day other than her last, she might've known better than to take connie's words at face value, or push her to breaking point to begin with. but after weeks of being given the cold shoulder and helplessly watching connie struggle in silence, her words had hit harder than either of them likely expected. 

they'd only stung for a day. 

drowning her sorrows in cheap wine had done nothing to weaken the regret that had hit elle the morning after. if anything, it had done the opposite. there was no counting how many times she'd picked up the phone to call connie since then only to change her mind right before she could, too ashamed of her own behavior to go through with it. what was she supposed to say? she'd known something was wrong, and yet she'd still abandoned connie right when she'd needed her most. there was only one bad friend between them, and elle couldn't stand that it was her. 

so she'd decided to stop feeling sorry for herself and do something about it, unintentionally leading herself right back to the ED. interventions with connie were never easy. it was like trying to get an angry cat into its carrier before a vet appointment. a phone call would never do. she'd only ignore it and, even if she didn't, was more than capable of lying through her teeth to protect her pride. elle would have to spring it on her, without warning, when there was nowhere for her to run from it. fortunately, she was well acquainted with the element of surprise. 

walking into reception, she felt like she'd never left. the chaos greeted her like an old friend and she had to resist the urge to stand there and savor the environment. to say she hadn't missed the place would be a blatant lie, but she wasn't there to reminisce. 

elle dodged a young couple as she slipped through the double doors, trying her best to evade being spotted. awkward conversations had never been her favorite thing and that was hardly going to change now. she almost made it to connie's office undetected, about to grab the door handle, when a familiar voice from the neighboring corridor stopped her dead. 

"pancake?" 

elle winced, slowly turning on her heel to face jacob. he'd only just been leaving the staffroom, but her wild curls had always been unmissable and he'd noticed them in a heartbeat. elle cast a wary glance over her shoulder to make sure nobody else had heard him before she hurried down the corridor to where he was still standing, staring at her in bemusement. it might have been a long shift, but not long enough to make him hallucinate. 

"what are you doing here?" he asked, turning on the spot when elle stepped behind him to hide herself from view. he hadn't seen her since she'd left but not for lack of trying. his schedule was crammed with work. 

"i came to see connie," elle said offhandedly, peering around his figure to see the end of the corridor. jacob frowned slightly.

"you sure that's a good idea?" he asked, and elle immediately jerked back to look up at him in faint concern. "she's been a bit off lately." her chest tightened slightly. that was the last thing she'd wanted to hear. 

"off how?" she asked slowly, trying not to sound as worried as she felt. a small part of her had known all along that connie likely wouldn't have taken her departure well, not while she was struggling, but elle had tried to convince herself otherwise. jacob shrugged. 

"she's always sort of on edge," he explained, folding his arms. elle bit the inside of her cheek, frowning at the floor. connie had been like that before she'd left -- jumpy and paranoid -- and it didn't sound like much had changed. "she barely comes out of her office these days. probably because of ciaran. he's been on her case a lot lately." 

"who's ciaran?" elle asked stiffly, bristling slightly. she didn't usually make a habit of pre-judging people but instinct was telling her that she wouldn't like him. 

"some troubleshooter hanssen dropped on us," jacob said somewhat dismissively. "something about budgeting and making sure we're up to standard. he got here the day after you left." 

"right..." elle muttered, unsurprisingly distracted. she couldn't see connie taking his being here well. she would have hated it on a good day, scrutinizing his every move and complaining about him constantly, so elle had no doubt that it was doing more harm than good while she wasn't coping. she tried not to think about it too much. "jacob, look, i'd really appreciate it if you-" 

"-didn't tell anyone you're here?" jacob finished for her, smirking when she scowled up at him in faint amusement. "consider my mouth shut." 

"shame you can't always keep it shut," elle teased, grinning when he slapped her playfully in retaliation. "thank you." he watched her venture back up the corridor before turning away when she reached the end. he was sure she had good reason for whatever she was up to, and it was best to leave her to it. elle brushed a loose curl behind her ear, waiting until she was sure nobody was paying attention before she edged around the corner and disappeared into connie's office unseen. 

it was eerily quiet, and she almost felt nervous as she wandered further inside. nothing had changed, not that she'd thought it would have, and she slowly turned on the spot. a lot had happened in this room. more than she'd ever expected to. there had been arguments and apologies, laughter and a few tears, _"you're even more beautiful now that you're a little less perfect"_ and a kiss they'd sworn to forget. 

elle sighed as she approached the desk, rounding the side to fall into connie's chair -- _her_ chair too in the past. she leaned back, spinning it ever so slightly as she studied the room. it was strange how different it looked from the two separate sides of the desk. she accidentally knocked the edge of a draw with her foot, distracting herself. despite knowing better than to go through connie's things, she couldn't help leaning forward to open it. 

she scanned the contents -- mostly paperwork and complaint files, neatly ordered, and every office supply under the sun -- but paused when she noticed the corner of a blue card visible from between the folders. she reached out to unearth it without thinking and her face fell. 

"oh, connie..." she breathed, turning the therapist's card over in her hand. she'd been naive at the time to think it would change anything. this was the same woman who'd refused medical treatment until she'd nearly lost her arm. elle had hoped that leaving might open her eyes but she should've known that connie would only self-destruct completely once there was nobody around to even try and stop her. elle dropped the card back into the draw, nudging it shut with her knee as she fell back against the chair. 

there had been a time, while tired and tipsy, where connie had asked her how long it would last. "everyone leaves," she'd said, swirling her wine around its glass. "i know you will too." elle had promised she wouldn't but connie had been unconvinced and, in the end, right. just like everyone else before her, elle had walked out when it mattered most, and the guilt she felt was almost all consuming. she groaned, slumping back, but her frustration was cut short when she heard the door open. 

connie didn't notice her at first, absently closing the door behind herself as she rubbed wearily at her forehead. she looked worse now than she had before. exhausted. small. fragile. long gone was the effortlessly put together queen of old. connie's facade was deteriorating and there was nothing she could do about it. she lowered her hand with a sigh but immediately froze when she found elle waiting in her chair, bold as ever. for a moment, connie was convinced that her mind was playing a cruel trick, and her heart hammered almost painfully as she slowly realized that wasn't the case. elle was here and very much real. 

"what are you doing here?" connie whispered when she finally found her voice, throat suddenly dry. she'd never expected to see elle again. she'd _accepted_ that she'd never see elle again. (or so she told herself.)

"i was in the neighborhood," elle said offhandedly, folding her hands together in her lap. connie narrowed her eyes, tensing where she stood. it was too much for her to handle, and she could feel her unstable walls already buckling under the weight of elle's gaze. 

"you have no right to be in here," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. she didn't know what else to say -- what else to do. all she knew was that elle couldn't be here. she couldn't see her like this. after leaving her to struggle alone, she didn't get to. connie wouldn't let her. "get out." 

neither of them moved, staring at each other from opposite ends of the room. two sides of the same coin. elle had no intention of leaving. she didn't break eye contact as she opened the top draw of connie's desk and reached inside to pull out the business card she already knew was in there. she held it up blankly between two fingers a moment later for connie to see. "you didn't go, did you?" 

connie swallowed thickly, digging her nails into the palms of her hands. elle raised an eyebrow when she didn't immediately respond, twisting the card between her fingers and setting it down on the desk's surface. "i tried," connie told her through gritted teeth, making her look up. after elle had left, she'd gone back to her office in tears and found the business card waiting for her; the last thing remaining that proved elle had ever been there. 

she'd thought that if she called and booked an appointment, maybe elle would come back, but she'd still been too afraid to go through with it despite that shred of hope. there had been countless times in the following weeks where she'd come close to doing it, and to calling elle herself, before changing her mind. she hadn't wanted to believe that she couldn't cope. that she was falling apart and grasping for loose threads to hang on by. there weren't any of those left now. she was on the last one and afraid of letting go. 

"but you never went," elle clarified, watching her quietly. 

"why do you even care?" connie snapped, curling her hands tighter as she glared across at her. "it isn't any of your business. you _left_ , remember?" her voice was rife with accusation and betrayal. elle had to fight not to wince at it. 

"i know," she admitted, sitting upright and resting her arms on the edge of the desk. "and i'm sorry." connie faltered at her soft tone, shoulders falling slightly. she meant it. "but i'm not going to make the same mistake twice. you need help, connie."

connie turned away, hugging her waist. "no, i don't," she argued, even though she knew it wasn't true. she'd needed help for a long time now, but there had been nobody to turn to after elle and with ciaran breathing down her neck at every corner, she'd been even more reluctant to admit it than before. this job was the last card in an otherwise empty hand and although she was playing it recklessly, it was the only thing she had left. 

"what's so wrong with needing help?" elle asked, slowly rising to her feet as she leaned against the desk. connie didn't respond, hugging her waist tighter. they both knew the answer. asking for help wasn't the problem, it was the connotations that came with doing so. weakness. fragility. incompetence. imperfection. everything she hated the prospect of being viewed as. very little terrified connie more than her own vulnerability. elle pushed away from the desk, brushing her curls back over her head as she stood up straight.

"none of this is your fault," she said firmly, and connie glanced uncertainly in her direction. "not what happened, not how you're feeling, and not how it's all affected you. you didn't ask for any of it." who would? "but the only person standing in your way right now is yourself. is your pride really that worth it if you won't have any left to protect in the end?" 

connie frowned, turning her gaze back to the floor. elle might have been right but that didn't make admitting the truth any easier to do. she'd upheld the image of an ice queen for so long, well-guarded and untouchable in her ivory tower miles above the masses. only the ivory tower was crumbling and her guards had deserted her. she wasn't so untouchable anymore. 

elle watched in silence for a moment before moving out from behind the desk and slowly approaching her. she was small and fragile, a far cry from the woman elle had first met and fought to befriend, and seeing her like this broke her heart. "connie," she said quietly, gently resting a hand on her arm. connie jumped at her touch, twisting around, but immediately relaxed when she realized who it was. "it's time to stop running." 

"i can't," connie whispered, voice cracking slightly as she looked at her with wet eyes. she knew that running would only make things worse, causing more problems while her old ones gradually began to catch up with her. after all, nobody could run forever. not even her. but it was all she knew how to do. 

elle sighed, and connie's eyes widened in surprise when she pulled her into a wordless hug a moment later. it was enough to snap that final thread she'd been clinging onto, and she buried her face in elle's jacket as tears finally overwhelmed her. elle shushed her quietly, holding her close as her body shook with muffled sobs. it was rare to see connie cry and it never got easy when she did. 

"i know it isn't easy but you _can_ do it," elle eventually said, running her hand across connie's back. "i know you can." connie didn't say anything, blinking back tears as she bunched elle's leather jacket up in her hands, but elle didn't begrudge her for her silence. "and you don't have to do it alone." she smiled faintly. "i need someone to annoy so you're stuck with me, okay?" 

connie laughed slightly between her tears, freeing one hand to dry beneath her eyes slightly. "okay," she whispered, nodding slowly. facing the truth and fighting it head-on had seemed impossible on her own but with elle by her side she was finally hopeful. 


	28. twenty seven

**word count:** 1.6k

 **date written:** 9.11.19

 **verse:** 'claire' canon

* * *

claire watched the clock above reception, slouched down in an armchair by the window. connie was late. even though school had concluded over half an hour ago, she still hadn't appeared, and nobody seemed able to get in touch with her. something claire had learned from eavesdropping on mrs. henderson and the receptionist, listening in as they discussed the situation without her even though _she_ was the one stuck there. she watched the clock's little hand tick along, unable to stop herself from slowly growing more and more worried. 

it wasn't necessarily unusual for connie to be late. sometimes things at the hospital simply got in the way of her schedule, and claire didn't mind, knowing full well that said things were usually beyond her control. but her mum had never been _this_ late before, and she hadn't even called ahead to reassure her or offer an explanation. _maybe she's just busy_ , claire thought hopefully, turning to gaze out of the window. _left her phone in the office again._ she smiled slightly, resting her chin on the edge of her palm. _silly mum._

she was just thinking about how she cold use connie's lateness to get a new book out of her when someone suddenly rounded the corner of the building and caught her attention. it wasn't connie, but it was someone claire recognized. she was quick to slide out of her seat, fumbling slightly with her backpack, but managed to pull it on properly just as elle entered the foyer. claire watched her with a frown, eyebrows furrowed tightly in concern as she hurried over. elle had only shown up at her school on one other occasion before today: when connie had collapsed at work, and she'd appeared unannounced to pull claire out of class. this felt unnervingly like that. 

claire hovered uncertainly by the armchair, reluctant to move even when elle stopped in front of her. "elle?" she leaned to the side slightly, peering around elle's figure, as though she expected to find connie hiding behind her. she didn't. elle was alone. "where's mum?" 

elle grimaced, closing the gap between them to take claire's hand. "i'll explain in the car," she said in lieu of an answer, already coaxing her in the direction of the door. she didn't want to have this conversation in front of others and offered mrs. henderson a strained smile as they passed. she walked so fast that claire had to take two steps for every one of hers just to keep up. 

she tried her best to keep quiet, pressing her lips together as they hurried across the courtyard, but elle was clearly on edge, and it was only making her more nervous. "did something happen?" she finally blurted out just beyond the school gates. elle's car was only meters away, but she couldn't contain her questions any longer. "to mum?" 

elle slowed to a stop, reluctantly turning to her with a quiet sigh, and crouched down to her level before gently taking her hands. there was no easy way to tell her but there was no downplaying it either. claire would only read between the lines. "she was attacked," elle told her slowly, mouth dry. claire gasped faintly, eyes widening in horror, and elle immediately tried to reassure her. "but she's alright! everyone's taking very good care of her." claire didn't answer, tears already gathering in her eyes as the news sunk in. "hey." elle shuffled closer, stroking the edge of claire's hand with her thumb. "try not to worry too much. you know how stubborn your mum is -- she never lets anything keep her down." 

claire's lower lip trembled slightly, but she was quick to nod firmly in agreement. "yeah," she whispered, letting go of elle's hand so she could dry her wet eyes with her sleeve. "mum can do anything!" 

"'course she can," elle affirmed, carefully getting to her feet and offering claire her hand again. claire sniffled loudly, trying to clear her nose, before summoning a brave smile and taking elle's hand. "come on, we'll be with her in no time." elle fumbled in her jacket pocket for her keys, unlocking the car as they approached and releasing claire's hand so she could clamber into the passenger side. she was already buckling herself in when elle joined her a moment later, forcing her keys impatiently into the ignition and starting the car in a single movement. claire stared outside in silence as she waited, swinging her legs slightly, and it wasn't until they were at the end of the road that either of them spoke again. 

"who attacked mum?" she asked without warning, turning away from the window to look at elle instead. elle's grip on the steering wheel tightened slightly. 

"i don't know," she admitted quietly, trying to focus on the road so her mind wouldn't wander back to imagining connie's attack. "she doesn't remember."

claire leaned back in her seat, frowning slightly. "did nobody see?" 

"no." elle sighed, unable to stop the guilt from creeping into her voice. she should've seen. they'd planned on walking to that meeting together. "she was on her own." 

"oh." 

they lapsed into silence as elle drove and claire tried to wrap her head around everything, staring absently at the glove box. the hospital was only twenty minutes away from her school, but the journey felt longer than usual, and claire couldn't help sliding down in her seat slightly when they turned into the car park. as desperate as she was to see her mum, she couldn't help dreading it. very little scared her more than connie in a hospital bed, even if it was a scene she'd had to face far too many times already. 

she glanced out the window as they came finally came to a stop, chest tightening slightly when she found connie's car parked in the space right beside them. elle twisted around to look at her when she didn't move to take off her seat belt. "claire?" 

"how bad is she really?" claire asked quietly, turning to elle with worried eyes. she'd tried not to think about it, knowing she would only picture the worst, but in the shadow of the hospital she couldn't stop herself. elle sighed, offering her a soft smile. 

"not as bad as she looks," she assured her gently. "and she can go home later, okay?" it was to be expected, really. she had no doubt that connie would refuse to stay in overnight even if they wanted her to. 

claire nodded, taking a deep breath. "okay," she sighed, undoing her seat belt. elle retrieved her keys before following her outside, nudging the door shut with her hip and locking it in their wake. 

"come on," she said, and claire scurried over to take her hand when she offered it. much like earlier, reception was still overflowing when they entered, and elle was careful to keep claire close as they navigated through the crowd towards connie's room. they managed to reach it without incident, and elle gladly ushered claire inside, relieved to be free of the chaos for a little while. 

"mum!" 

claire released elle's hand the second they were through the door, rushing across the room to where connie was sitting up in bed. "are you okay?" she asked, gripping the edge of the railing as she studied connie's face. she had a split lip, a gash on her forehead, and half a dozen bruises, but it was nowhere near as devastating as what claire had been imagining. "does it hurt? did you break anything? what did the doctor say?" still hovering by the door, elle bit back a grin at claire's barrage of questions while connie fondly rolled her eyes.

"i'm fine, sweetheart," she insisted, wincing slightly as she moved over to let claire join her on the bed. it was a half truth. her bruises and fractured ribs would heal with time, but she wasn't so sure about her paranoia. she was half-expecting her attacker to come through the door at any minute and finish the job. her gaze flickered over to elle at the thought, standing guard as though she could read her mind, and connie resisted the urge to look away again when their eyes met. "thank you for picking her up." despite the current state of their relationship, she wouldn't have asked or trusted anyone else to go in her place. 

elle didn't say anything, simply offering her a weak smile in response as claire looked between them with a light frown. something was off although she couldn't put her finger on what. it was almost like they were hiding something... she shook her head, deciding she was being silly. they were likely just stressed. adults usually were. 

"i'm hungry," she announced, putting the awkward tension to an end. now that she'd been reunited with connie, and knew she was alright, claire's priorities had shifted elsewhere -- namely to her stomach.

connie sighed. "claire-" 

"i'll get you something," elle said, cutting connie off before she could say anything more. they deserved some time alone together and she could do with a chance to clear her head, even if it was more chaotic outside than in here. once she'd had a breather and managed to relax, perhaps things wouldn't feel quite so uneasy. 

"a sandwich!" claire suggested brightly, her cheeky grin eliciting a more genuine smile from elle as she turned to leave. she didn't need to ask what kind, already familiar with the answer. this wasn't the first time she'd dropped by the shop for claire, and she doubted it would be the last. 

that was, of course, unless connie decided to shut her out for good. 


	29. twenty eight

**word count:** 1k

 **date written:** 11.11.19

 **verse:** canon divergence; 'claire' canon

* * *

she didn't want to stay here. not because she didn't like elle, or her house, or her comfy sofa and warm hugs. no. she didn't want to stay because she missed her mum, and the thought of her laying alone in a stiff bed on a bland ward, seriously ill, made it impossible for claire to get any sleep. she'd tried her best after elle had tucked her in hours ago, but no amount of counting sheep or reciting medical facts in her head had been enough to make her drift off. 

in the end, she'd crept out of bed, tiptoed downstairs, and made herself comfortable on the corner of the sofa. the only light she had was the glow of the tv, turned up just loud enough for her to hear without drawing attention. there was a quiz show playing, which was serving as a good distraction, and she was somewhat comforted by the sound of other people talking even if they were only on a screen. it was better than laying in silence on her own upstairs, listening to the wind as it howled ominously outside her window. 

she wasn't sure how long she was down there for, too busy answering questions correctly and zoning out slightly when the adverts interrupted her. she almost forgot she was in someone else's house entirely until she heard a creak on the stairs that made her jump and forget all about trying to figure out three fifths of forty. 

claire held her breath, peering warily over the back of the sofa as she curled her legs against her chest. when a shadow moved in the hallway, she immediately disappeared beneath the blanket she'd been using to keep her feet warm. 

had she chosen not to hide, however, she would've seen elle enter the room just moments later, frowning at the sight of the tv on. she crossed the room with a yawn to turn it off, but a quivering lump on the sofa distracted her before she could. with only one person in the house around the same size as it, she didn't need to be a neurosurgeon to know who was under the blanket. "claire?" she called quietly, blindly reaching out to turn on the nearby lamp. at the sound of elle's voice, claire reluctantly peeked out from beneath the blanket. 

"elle..." she breathed in relief, letting it fall away from her face. "you scared me." elle grimaced slightly, brushing her loose curls out of her face as she joined claire on the sofa.

"sorry," she mumbled, stifling another yawn as claire shuffled closer to her. "i didn't realize you were down here. did you have a bad dream or something?" claire shook her head, pulling her blanket tighter around her shoulders. 

"i wasn't asleep to have a bad dream," she admitted, staring at the floor. the risk of having one had just been yet another thing that had prevented her from falling asleep. "i wish mum was here..." 

elle sighed, shoulders falling sadly as she reached out to wrap an arm around claire and close the gap between them. "i know," she said, smiling slightly when claire cuddled into her side a moment later. "i do too." she likely should have kept that part to herself but, exhausted and worried after several restless hours of her own, she didn't think to be careful with her words. since connie had been all but entirely removed from her life, very little felt right anymore. 

"i don't want her to die," claire whispered, staring blankly at the tv as the quiz show she'd been watching returned from an ad break. she'd done more than enough research since connie's diagnosis, obsessing over cancer treatments and survival rates. it was doing her head no favors, gradually siphoning away the little hope she had, and she hugged elle's waist tighter. "she can't..."

elle swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath. "and she won't," she said firmly, trying to keep her voice steady. claire squeezed her eyes shut, burying her face in the fabric of elle's dressing gown. 

"but-"

"hey, don't forget how strong your mum is," elle reminded, shifting in her seat so she could pull claire onto her lap. "she isn't going anywhere." she couldn't know that for certain but she was trying to convince herself just as much as she was claire at this point. "she'll get better just like she always does and we'll be there to help her, alright?" claire nodded, rubbing her wet eyes with the back of her hand. 

"mum's superwoman," she said quietly, thinking back to all the other times connie had fought to get better, no matter how long or hard doing so had been. nothing had managed to keep her down yet, and this wouldn't either if they had anything to do with it.

"she really is," elle agreed, absently stroking claire's hair. she cared for them both more than claire likely realized, unaware of how her relationship with connie had evolved during the last several months, and she planned to do all that she could to make sure everything turned out alright for them in the end. elle sighed, glancing at the clock, just able to read it from across the room. 2am. "come on, it's late. you need to get some sleep." 

claire immediately tensed at the mention of going back to bed and quickly shook her head. "i'm not tired," she lied, sitting up straight in elle's arms. she hated it up there. the silence only made her miss connie more. "can't i just stay here?" 

"why don't you come and sleep with me instead?" elle suggested, deciding to see if being with someone else might make it easier for claire to fall asleep. claire faltered slightly, eyes widening in surprise. 

"are you sure?" she asked uncertainly. she didn't want to get in the way any more than she thought she already was by staying in the house to begin with.

"of course," elle said, offering her a reassuring smile. "so long as you don't snore." 

claire scowled, sliding off of elle's lap. "i don't snore," she insisted, watching as elle got up to finally turn off the tv.

"well we'll see, won't we?" elle teased, trying not to trip over the end of claire's blanket as she ushered her towards the door. if luck would have it, maybe claire's company would help her fall asleep at last as well. 


	30. twenty nine

**word count:** 1.3k

 **date written:** 27.11.19

 **verse:** canon divergence

* * *

she generally didn't care what other people thought of her, but that didn't stop connie from sparing a cursory look at herself in the mirror as she returned to the table with a steaming mug of coffee in each hand -- one black and one full of sugar. she passed the latter to elle, who gingerly took it with a smile of thanks. 

"so, you know when you're coming back yet?" she asked, taking a tentative sip of her drink as connie sat down opposite her. she recoiled slightly at the temperature, wrinkling her nose, and set the mug down on the table. connie nodded absently. 

"january 4th," she said quietly, cradling her own mug. although the ceramic burned her palms slightly, leaving them red and irritated, she hardly noticed. nerves were rarely an issue for connie but, deep down, she was privately dreading her return to the department. 

"not for a little while then," elle remarked, tapping her fingers against the rim of her mug. connie finally lifted her own drink to avoid answering, somewhat soothed by the soupçon of pain as it burned the back of her throat. elle lowered her hand, leaning back in her chair. "lucky you, getting to miss all the christmas chaos." connie smiled slightly, gaze flickering over to elle as she lowered her mug. "running the place singlehandedly last year was bad enough _without_ having hanssen on my ass 24/7. i can't imagine this year will be any better." 

"just don't torpedo my department, gardner," connie warned, biting the inside of her cheek to curb her amusement when elle scowled at her in light annoyance. they both knew she was all but perfect for the job, and if connie didn't know that elle wasn't interested in the position long-term, she would've felt threatened. 

"haha, very funny," elle said dryly, leaning forward to rest her arms against the edge of the table. "but i'm clinical lead, remember? not ethan." she grinned in triumph when connie's smirk fell at the reminder of the time she'd foolishly left him in charge. 

"do you _have_ to keep bringing that up?" she muttered, glowering slightly from over her coffee. elle simply laughed, loud and bright as ever, and connie was sure her heart skipped a beat. 

"until the day i die," elle said, mischief twinkling in her eyes as she briefly disappeared behind her own mug again. "seriously, connie, i was _right there_." 

connie sighed, slumping back slightly in her chair, a touch embarrassed. elle would've been the right consultant to choose but she'd had still been nursing a bit of a vendetta against her at the time. elle chuckled slightly, knowing what she was thinking. 

"well you're in charge now, aren't you?" connie grumbled, noiselessly scratching the handle of her mug. elle shook her head slightly in amusement before downing the remainder of her coffee, leaving a sugary taste on her tongue as she got to her feet. without a word, she crossed the room to deposit her mug in the empty sink and stopped directly behind connie's chair when she came back. 

"you sound jealous, mrs. beauchamp," elle said, leaning down slightly as she gripped the back of the chair. connie couldn't help going tense, gripping her mug tightly as she tried to ignore the sensation of elle's curls tickling her neck. 

"of what?" she scoffed, staring intently at the bookshelf in the corner of the room. "someone who has all the grace of a baby giraffe?" elle laughed, right in connie's ear, making her inhale sharply, before releasing the chair and stepping away.

"touché," she said, returning to her own seat. "but at least i can reach the top shelf." connie immediately made a noise of indignation, shooting her a look of disbelief as she floundered for a retort. light footsteps on the stairs distracted them both before she could think of one, and they turned to face the door at the same time just as claire shuffled into the room.

"mummy, i'm dying," she said blankly, wandering over to rest her arms on the table. connie almost choked on her coffee, caught off-guard by claire's casual tone, and just managed to stifle a slight coughing fit as she set her mug down. she rubbed her chest, clearing her throat, and deliberately ignored elle as she laughed under her breath.

"what makes you say that, darling?" connie asked before taking a deep breath and resting her hands against the table. claire shrugged slightly, hooking her foot around the leg of the nearest chair and dragging it across the floor so she could sit down. 

"i'm bored," she explained lamely, resting her head in the crook of her arm. "there's nothing to do." despite the plethora of books, toys and games at her disposal, she'd spent the last twenty minutes flat out on her bed, staring at the ceiling. connie sighed, settling her with a firm look. 

"since when do you get bored, hm?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow. she'd seen claire keep herself entertained with nothing more than a blade of grass before now. for her to be bored, there had to be more to it. 

"since elle ditched me for you," claire huffed, pouting slightly as she regarded them with a frown that made her look adorable more than anything, even in spite of her clear displeasure. "you _friend stealer._ " elle finally lost her composure at that and ducked her head as she tried to muffle her laughter behind her hand. opposite her, connie's lips twitched slightly as she contained her own amusement. to say claire had become fond of elle recently would be an understatement, and she watched elle expectantly when she resurfaced a moment later.

"alright, i get the hint," she sighed, brushing her curls over her head and out of her face. "you can cut the dramatics now." connie frowned slightly, glancing between them, but realization quickly dawned on her when claire brightened at elle's response. _ah_. she'd just been trying to get her own way. 

"so you'll play just dance with me?" claire asked excitedly, any trace of anger or annoyance she might have had already long gone. connie rolled her eyes fondly, lifting her mug to finish what remained of her coffee before it went completely cold. it should have been obvious from the start that claire was only manipulating them -- like mother, like daughter, although connie didn't plan on letting her grow to use the skill as unconscionably as she always had. 

elle briefly pretended to consider her answer, as though she could ever say no, before nodding. claire's face instantly lit up. "finally!" she squealed, bouncing slightly in her seat. evidently pleased with the outcome, she glanced over at connie for a reaction but was instead suddenly distracted by something else altogether. "oh, i almost forgot! do you like mum's new hair, elle?" 

" _claire!_ " connie hissed, mortified by the question. every inch of her had gone rigid in an instant, and she shot claire a reproving look when she turned to face her. 

"what?" she frowned slightly, confused by connie's averse reaction. "it's pretty! right, elle?" connie gritted her teeth, chest tightening uncomfortably when she locked eyes with elle while waiting for her answer. there was a beat of silence and then- 

"she's gorgeous." 

claire grinned triumphantly at connie. "seeeeeee!" she said, pleased as ever about being right. but while she had missed elle's change in pronouns, connie hadn't and was unsurprisingly flustered. "i told you she'd like it!" 

connie pressed her lips together, still trying to regain her composure. "don't gloat, darling," she chastised gently, offering claire a strained smile when she stuck her tongue out in playful defiance. 

"come on, claire," elle said, ending the awkward tension before it could fester, and connie's gaze automatically flickered back to her at the sound of her voice. "why don't we go and set the game up, yeah?" claire nodded excitedly, immediately sliding off of her chair and making a beeline for the other room. elle stood up to go after her but paused in the doorway before leaving to glance back at connie and leave her with a mischievous wink when their eyes met. 


	31. thirty

**word count:** 424 | 422 | 688 | 373

 **date written:** 4.12.19 | 5.12.19 | early 2018 | 5.10.20

 **verse:** paramedic au

(ordered chronologically, not by date)

* * *

she made a start on her drink just as sam finally ordered her own and loosely held the glass as she glanced around the pub. it was almost quaint and nowhere near as rowdy as the one near her old workplace despite the amount of people. she recognized several faces from passing through the ED during her shift but forgot all about them when her gaze picked out a woman she hadn't seen before, sat beside the nurse who had unabashedly flirted with her just a few hours ago -- jacob, if she recalled correctly. 

"hey, sam, who's that?" connie asked, hitting sam's arm and absently setting her drink down dangerously close to the edge of the bar. she gestured subtly to the woman across the room, unable to tear her attention away. she was gorgeous, with wild hair and a bight grin. connie was already taken with her. sam scowled slightly, glancing down at where she'd been struck before looking over her shoulder and following connie's gaze to see who she was referring to.

"oh, that's elle," sam said, briefly watching the other table until she was distracted by the bartender returning with her drink. she thanked him quietly, winding her hands around the base of the glass as she spared connie another look. "she's a consultant." 

connie hummed approvingly, eyes still trained on _elle_. it was a beautiful name and rolled off her tongue almost too easily. perfect. "hey," connie said, reluctantly turning away from elle to address the bartender as he passed. she jerked her head in the direction of elle's table once she had his attention. "the rest of her drinks tonight are on me, got it?" she smirked arrogantly when he nodded in understanding and didn't notice sam's amused expression until several seconds later when she was drinking. connie lowered her glass, licking the taste of wine from her lips. "what?" 

sam shook her head slightly, dismissing the question. "nothing," she said, pausing to take a drink. "so." she rolled her shoulders, shifting slightly on her bar stool. "looks like elle has a secret admirer then." 

"mm, well, i don't plan on staying secret for very long," connie admitted, resting her weight against the bar as she watched elle over the rim of her wine glass, laughing at something connie hadn't been able to hear. she had no interest in lurking in the shadows or being patient. she was far too eager to tangle her fingers in elle's curls and have her legs wrapped tight around her waist for that. 

* * *

**_(highkey NSFW)_ **

she purred, almost like a cat, resting her weight against elle's figure. "now," she started quietly, voice low, breath tickling elle's ear. "you want to repeat that?" 

elle swallowed thickly, heart hammering as she struggled to ignore the swell of connie's breasts pressing into her back. "i said..." she gritted her teeth, trying and failing to free herself from connie's grip. she might have been small but she was much stronger than she looked. "you're just a paramedic and a mediocre one at that." 

connie chuckled, loosening her grip on elle's wrist slightly, but not enough for her to escape. "if that's you trying to flirt, you're doing a terrible job," she breathed into elle's ear, lifting her shirt with her free hand. without warning, she grazed her thumb lightly across the sensitive patch of skin on elle's hip that she'd discovered just days prior when they'd last been in such close proximity. 

elle inhaled sharply, pressing her hand harder against the side of the ambulance. "you're such a-" she paused, biting back a moan when connie stroked her hip again. slower, this time. deliberately teasing. damn it if elle would give her the satisfaction of eliciting a response. "-whore." 

connie hummed approvingly. "and don't you forget it," she whispered, catching elle's earlobe with her teeth and biting down just hard enough to leave a mark without hurting her. well... not too much. she smirked triumphantly when elle went tense beneath her right on cue and dragged her earlobe between her teeth before releasing it. elle exhaled in relief, relaxing slightly.

"is now really the time for this?" she muttered, trying to free her arm a second time. connie immediately tightened her grip again. this was not what elle had been expecting to happen on her way over here but maybe it should've been. especially after the last time... 

"i'm just reminding you who's boss, babe," connie told her, voice soft and laced with an affection that briefly made elle's heart flutter. connie's hand stilled on her hip as she dug her nails into elle's skin slightly and placed a light kiss just behind her ear that made her sigh.

"you could be gentler about it," elle breathed, craning her neck as connie trailed her kisses lower and harder, leaving a path of faint marks in her wake. elle hadn't come here for this -- far from it -- but she was hardly complaining about the turn of events. namely because connie already knew exactly how to push every single one of her buttons. 

* * *

the second elle rounded the corner, connie reached out to wind an arm around her waist and pull her into the corridor. elle almost dropped the file she as carrying, completely caught off-guard, and was more than ready to snap at the person responsible when she realized who it was. "connie!" she exclaimed, face immediately brightening. they hadn't seen each other all shift. 

"how's my favorite doctor?" connie asked, leaning back against the wall and pulling elle closer until there was very little room between them. elle sighed, letting the folder she was holding fall shut as she relaxed in connie's embrace. 

"well i've been rushing around all morning so... tired," she admitted, resisting the sudden urge to yawn. the department was busier than usual, and they were a doctor down, so most of the extra work had fallen on her. 

connie tilted her head to the side slightly. "hm, you are looking a little off-color," she said after a moment.

"hey!" elle scowled, pouting slightly as she averted her gaze, and connie laughed, tightening her grip on elle's waist.

"i'm only joking," she assured her. "you look just as gorgeous as you always do." 

"... thanks," elle mumbled, bowing her head to hide her embarrassment. compliments rarely had this effect on her, but there was something about them coming from connie that made her feel like a schoolgirl again. connie smirked slightly, smug as ever. 

"so," she started, backtracking to the conversation. "treat anyone interesting?" her own morning had been relatively dull, filled with standard cases and a prank call that had seen her jumping a wall twice her own size. it was only their last outing that had verged into the unconventional. 

elle shook her head. "just the usual. broken bones, minor burns, things people really should have just seen their GP about instead," she explained offhandedly. the last one happened far more than it ever should. "i was on my way to grab a new patient when you appeared." 

"perfect!" connie said. her arrival couldn't have been more perfectly timed; fate was clearly on her side today. "consider me your new patient." elle's grin immediately fell, replaced with a concerned frown. that was the last thing she'd expected -- or wanted -- to hear. 

"what happened?" she asked, almost afraid to know the answer. she moved back slightly, eyes roving over connie's body in search of what could be wrong. she _looked_ perfectly fine but elle knew from experience that connie was an expert at downplaying pain -- physical or otherwise. she was too busy to focus on that apparently. 

"don't worry, babe," connie said, sounding far too casual. "it was just some guy with a knife." she spoke as though it was nothing. a mild inconvenience at best. elle vehemently disagreed. 

"you were stabbed?!" she exclaimed, eyes widening as she stepped back, breaking free of connie's embrace. connie scowled slightly, folding her arms now that they were empty. 

"lightly," she clarified. "i was _lightly_ stabbed." elle's jaw tightened at her laid-back response, and she took a deep breath, trying not to lose her temper. 

"where?" she asked, knowing not to expect anything minor. connie always underestimated her injuries and overestimated her abilities. deep down, elle couldn't help worrying that the combination would end with her in resus. connie sighed and begrudgingly rolled up her sleeve until she uncovered her bandaged upper arm. she'd reacted fast enough to avoid any serious (or fatal) damage. sam had said she'd been lucky; a few more inches to the right and the knife would have nicked her brachial artery. of course all connie had heard was that she was perfectly fine. 

"it's really nothing," she insisted at elle's apprehensive expression, a touch agitated by her reaction. she knew elle saw far worse on a daily basis. hell, she'd had people die in her care. this was hardly something worth agonizing about. "i just need a couple of stitches." 

elle's gaze flickered from connie's arm to her face. "right, of course," she said stiffly, already acting more like connie's doctor than her friend. "i'll get you set up in a cubicle. come on." 

* * *

"elle?" connie said, voice barely above a whisper as she gently brushed elle's hair away from her face. "hey, stay with me, okay?" her heart stilled when the ceiling above them groaned ominously, warning of its impending collapse, and she bit her lip as she spared it a worried glance. she knew it could come down at any second -- that it would bury them alive if it didn't crush them to death first -- and that she had to get elle out of there before that, even if doing so came at the cost of her own safety. she was a paramedic after all; saving people was what she did. and if she didn't save elle, what was the point?

"i should've become a dentist like my cousin," elle mumbled, drawing connie's attention away from the deathtrap looming above them. she tried not to laugh -- trust elle to make jokes at a time like this. "nothing bad ever happens to dentists." 

"maybe," connie agreed, absently stroking her thumb along the length of elle's jaw as she scanned the rest of the room for an exit. she could move elle right that second if she wanted to but it would only do more harm than good if she couldn't get her to safety. "but if you'd become a dentist, you never would've met me." 

elle sighed, tiredly leaning into connie's touch -- the only thing in the world distracting her from the painful throbbing in her abdomen, even if only slightly. "that's true," she admitted quietly. "i can't imagine never meeting the great constance chase." 

"what did i tell you about calling me that?" connie asked, turning to look back at her with a faint smile that contradicted her displeased tone. 

"come on, connie," elle laughed, trying not to wince too much at the surge of pain that immediately followed. "i'm at death's door. surely you can make an exception." her grin was unnaturally bright given the circumstances but it started to fade when she noticed connie's somber expression. "what's wrong?" 

connie shook her head. "nothing," she lied. "just..." she paused, gripping elle's arm a little tighter, unable to conjure back even a semblance of her former smile to support her claim. "don't say that, alright?" 


	32. thirty one

**word count:** 5.4k

**date written:** 10.1.20

**verse:** canon divergence; 'claire' canon; fix-it (kinda?)

* * *

she was out of time and out of ideas. elle was still intent on leaving and the only thing claire hadn't done to try and change her mind was turn on the waterworks. she scowled in frustration, vacating her seat on the stairs and setting out towards her mother's office. maybe she'd have better luck convincing elle to stay with her help. she wove her way impatiently through the crowd of doctors and strangers without her usual care, too distracted by what she considered a more pressing matter, and only slowed down when her destination came into view. she frowned, stopping outside the staffroom. connie's office was dark. eerie. far from how it had been earlier. something felt off, and claire hesitantly wandered closer to peer in through the window. 

she'd expected to find the room empty, but it wasn't. connie was sat right where claire had left her, illuminated by the faint glow of the computer screen, and claire's stomach dropped when she realized her mother was crying. _no_. there was only one thing -- one _person_ \-- that had the ability to make connie cry. but elle couldn't have left already. she hadn't even said goodbye to her.

not knowing what else to do, claire turned away from the window and almost tripped as she made a beeline for the hospital entrance. if she was fast enough, and elle had only just left, maybe there was still a chance that she'd be able to catch her in the car park. claire ran like her life depended on it, nearly colliding with a nurse on her way through reception, and didn't stop until she stumbled outside. night had already fallen, and claire started to shiver slightly as the cold hit her. she tried her best to ignore it, wandering away from the building as she searched the car park for elle. when she didn't immediately see her, claire couldn't help thinking she was too late and was all but ready to cry when a second look proved her wrong. 

on the other side of the car park, in the dim glow of a streetlight, elle was offloading the last of her farewell gifts into the back of her car. claire's eyes sparkled in delight at the sight of her, and she completely forgot about the cold as she hurried in elle's direction. "elle!" she shouted loudly, trying to catch her attention on her way across the car park. elle looked up at the sound of her name as she gently closed the car door but frowned in confusion when she spotted claire rushing towards her. it was a short-lived reaction, and her surprise instantly turned to horror instead when she noticed something claire had yet to.

"claire!"

claire turned at the look on elle's face just in time to see the car speeding towards her. she froze, bathed in its headlights. all of a sudden, her legs failed her, stiff as the ground she was stood on. claire fully expected the car to hit her, but something else managed to reach her first, and the breathed was knocked out of her when she was abruptly pushed from the vehicle's path. 

she heard tires skidding, a horn beeping, and a man swearing loudly all before she'd even hit the concrete. 

it took claire a moment to do anything, still reeling from shock as she slowly pulled herself to her knees. her chest was tight and she struggled to breathe, visibly trembling as she looked down at her hands. her palms were shredded, the skin scraped away when she'd broken her fall, and gravel fragments peppered the bloody aftermath. tears gathered in her eyes as the pain finally registered.

"claire?" 

claire jumped violently when a hand touched her shoulder, and jerked around to find elle sat beside her. in her panic, claire had forgotten all about her, but she seemed perfectly fine if not a little dazed. "hey," elle said quietly, shuffling nearer when claire finally dissolved into tears at the sight of her. "hey, it's alright." elle was quick to envelope her in a hug, cradling her close. "i've got you." she sighed, briefly stroking claire's hair before she pulled away slightly to dry her tears. it was only then that a cursory look down revealed the damage done to her palms, and concern immediately blossomed in elle's chest. she reached out to carefully take claire's hands, holding them gently in her own when she didn't yank them away.

"oh, sweetheart," elle breathed, inspecting the deep grazes. "why don't we get you patched up, yeah?" claire nodded slightly, shielding her hands against her chest when they were released. she watched wordlessly as elle got to her feet and slowly tried to do the same. the moment she put weight on her right foot, however, a flash of pain ricocheted through her ankle, and she cried out as she lost her balance. elle managed to catch her before she hit the ground again and was careful to confirm that she was alright before picking her up. 

claire immediately latched onto her, trying not to aggravate her hands any further, and rested her head on elle's shoulder as they approached the entrance. minor injuries were rarely an urgent matter, and elle knew that just as well as the next consultant, but this wasn't an average minor injuries case. it was different and far more personal. this was _claire_. connie's daughter. elle's- well... it was complicated. elle sighed, backing through the double doors. she was too preoccupied to notice the confused looks several staff members gave her as she crossed the department but was still with it enough to hear someone say her name. 

"elle?" david frowned, having looked up just in time to catch her. his gaze flickered over to claire when she looked around at him before quickly hiding her face in the crook of elle's neck again. "what happened? are you alright?" elle nodded, offering him a faint smile. 

"getting there," she said offhandedly, glancing around. the fewer details he knew for now, the better. "any cubicles free?" for a moment, david simply stared at her, mildly stunned. he hadn't expected to see her again so soon, if ever. 

"uh..." he looked over at the monitor, skimming through the list of names. things had started to calm down slightly in the last few hours; they should have several spaces free. "four should be available." 

"thanks dave," elle said before he'd even turned back to them, already walking away. there was nothing at stake here. nothing serious or life threatening. claire was conscious, responsive and still in one piece, but that didn't stop elle from worrying. cases always hit differently when you were personally invested, no matter how severe. claire lifted her head again once they were out of view, silently eyeing the people around them from over elle's shoulder. 

cubicle four was empty just like david had said it would be, and elle was careful to sit claire on the edge of the bed without catching her injured palms or twisted ankle. claire mumbled her thanks, staring down at her lap as elle moved to draw the curtains around them. she knew claire likely wanted the privacy just as much as she did. "right," she sighed, rolling her stiff shoulders. "i just need to go and grab some equipment, alright?" 

claire turned to look up at her. "alright," she said quietly. 

"good girl. i won't be long, i promise." elle offered her a reassuring smile before stepping out of the cubicle and making sure to close the curtains in her wake. if claire had been anyone else, elle would have called someone else to treat her but, feeling responsible for the accident to begin with, she was determined to do it herself. she tried her best to shake the guilt away, following the familiar path to the supply closet. she hadn't expected to travel these halls again, having already said her goodbyes, and now that she was back, she couldn't help somewhat regretting her decision to leave. 

the supply closet was only a short walk away, and she thumbed in the code without even thinking. _1510_. the lock clicked and she stepped inside, grateful for the deathly silence that greeted her. she knew where the tweezers were kept, could've found them with her eyes closed, and her mind wandered elsewhere as she reached for the top tray -- to all the times connie had followed her in here for one reason or another. 

she sighed, pulling a new set of tweezers from the tray before turning to leave. she had more important things to do than reminisce, and she closed the door without a backwards glance. the storage cupboard was only a few halls away. left, right, left again. she input the code, stepped inside, and gathered what she needed with more concise movements than she normally would have. gloves, antiseptic wipes, gauze pads. tightly sealed, just like a certain someone she knew. 

elle balanced it all in one arm, using her free hand to pull the door shut, and the lock clicked back into place behind her. she retraced her steps to get back to claire, trying to focus on getting her better, but walking around the department like she wasn't really going to leave had her feeling conflicted and torn down the middle. she was being pulled in two different directions -- _stay_ or _go_ \-- and it was beginning to hurt. 

cubicle fur came into view not a moment too soon, distracting her from her quandary, and she stepped around the curtain to find claire waiting for her. in elle's absence, she'd managed to maneuver herself onto the bed properly, and seemed a little happier when she looked over at her reappearance. "right then," elle said, shooting her a smile as she rounded the end of the bed and set her supplies on the table next to it. "let's get you sorted, shall we?" 

claire didn't say anything, watching attentively as elle opened the fresh box of gloves and pulled out the first pair. she herself had tried on a pair before, stealing them from the counter when connie had turned her back for all of fives seconds, and they'd practically fallen right off. clearly they weren't designed for little hands, which claire hadn't been too pleased about. (and still wasn't.)

elle didn't register her watching, too busy focusing on the task at hand as she tore open the pack of antiseptic wipes. she used the first to wipe down the tabletop before discarding it and then turned to face claire with the second. claire eyed it warily, seemingly unsure, but didn't hesitate to hold out her hand when elle motioned for her to do so. 

"i'll be honest," elle stated, resting claire's hand flat on the table, palm facing upwards, "this is going to sting." claire maintained her silence, no longer watching. it was already stinging. she tried to brace herself for what was coming but, unlike her mother, she had no pain tolerance to speak of and immediately whined unhappily when elle began to wipe around the edge of her grazed hand. elle grimaced but didn't stop, knowing it had to be done, and the sooner it was, the sooner it would be over. claire squeezed her eyes shut, body tense, and tried to ignore the pain by focusing on something else instead.

"i can't believe you left without saying goodbye," she said through gritted teeth, her voice rife with accusation. she was unsurprisingly hurt, and, given that she might have never seen elle again, thought a proper goodbye was the least of what she deserved. 

"i tried to," elle told her quietly, "but i didn't know where you were." it might have been the truth but it was still a weak excuse and she knew it. claire had every right to be upset with her. 

"so?" claire snapped before whimpering slightly when elle wiped the base of her hand. she inhaled sharply, pressing her weight back against the pillows, and didn't relax again until elle had finished. she released the breath she'd been holding, and her expression turned sad as she finally reopened her eyes. when she continued, her voice was much quieter. "do you really hate us that much?" elle blinked in surprise, glancing over at her as she threw the wipe away.

"i don't hate you," she said, absently freeing the tweezers from their packaging.

"then why are you leaving?" claire asked, turning to look at her. she didn't understand what other reason there could be. elle had always seemed to love it here, and she'd never shown any signs of wanting to leave before -- whether that was for a promotion or something else. now she was more than happy to, and right when connie needed her the most. claire couldn't quite wrap her head around it. was elle tired of them? had they done something wrong? had _she_ done something wrong?

elle sighed. "it's... complicated," she said, gently holding claire's wrist as she began carefully removing the fragments of gravel and dirt from the wound. claire went tense again but didn't make a sound; this didn't hurt as much as the cleaning. 

"that's not a real answer," she muttered, scowling slightly. her mother said it all the time, and she hated it. it was the most frustrating phrase in the universe, even more so than, ' _put your book away, it's bedtime_ '. 

"your mother and i..." elle trailed off, not knowing where to start. there was still so much that she didn't even understand herself. she paused, dropping a splinter of gravel into the dish she'd set out. the last few weeks had been a headache, and today itself had been a heartbreak. connie had sniped and snapped and, as elle had soon learn, shipped her off to somewhere else with seemingly no hesitation. in hindsight, however, elle was slowly realizing two of those were her own doing. "she doesn't want me here." 

claire immediately frowned, scrunching her nose. "what? yes she does!" she argued as elle inspected her hand for any debris that she might've missed. "she doesn't want you to go!" 

"claire-" 

"she cried after you left," claire said, interrupting her. elle froze. that was the last thing she'd expected to hear. claire hung her head, shoulders falling, and her voice dipped to almost a whisper. "mum never cries..." elle didn't say anything, lost for a response, and forced herself to focus on her job instead. she slowly set the tweezers down and reached for the packet of antiseptic wipes, pulling one free. claire wasn't paying any attention, but when elle wiped her hand a moment later, she yelped loudly in response.

"sorry about that," elle said, already tearing open the pack of gauze pads and freeing one from its confines. claire scowled, shuffling to get comfortable on the bed again as elle secured the dressing firmly over the base of her hand.

"mum really does need you," she said after a moment's silence, looking at her feet as she moved the left one from side to side. "i know she doesn't always show it, but..." she knew her mother could be difficult even at the best of times, especially when it came to needing help or expressing her feelings, but she'd started to open up more with elle around. that was until the last few weeks... claire hadn't missed how withdrawn and paranoid she'd become, to the point where she walked her _inside_ school every morning and waited for in the foyer at the end of the day instead of outside like all the other parents. claire was starting to worry about her but she didn't know what to do. there wasn't much she _could_ do. 

elle glanced across at her, pressing down the last piece of tape. "there, all done," she said quietly, finally letting go of claire's hand as she got to her feet. claire looked up, holding her hand at eye level and rotating it as she admired elle's handiwork. "just the other one left and then you'll be good as new." 

"and then you'll leave," claire added solemnly, resting her hand in her lap. elle sighed faintly, deciding it was best not to answer as she carefully wheeled the table to the other side of the bed. she was halfway through relocating her chair to the same place when she heard the sound of someone hurriedly approaching the cubicle and immediately froze. there was only one person extravagant enough to wear the heels making those footsteps, and elle wasn't at all prepared for when the curtain was sharply pulled back a moment later. connie stepped into view only to stop dead the second she saw elle, staring at her as though she'd seen a ghost. elle stared back, mouth bone dry, and was quick to notice the telltale redness around connie's eyes. claire looked over at the noise, and her eyes instantly lit up at the sight of her mother.

"mum!" she exclaimed, beaming brightly. it was the first time elle had seen her smile all day. connie's attention shifted in a heartbeat as she finally released the curtain's edge and rushed to claire's bedside, eyes wide with worry.

"sweetheart, what happened?" she asked, cupping claire's face and scanning it for injuries before giving the rest of her the same frantic once over. elle was careful to keep her distance, setting down her chair and moving to draw the curtain shut again. 

"uh... it's complicated?" claire answered sheepishly, echoing elle's earlier words. connie settled her with a stern look, clearly unamused by the response. 

"claire," she said firmly.

claire sighed, slumping back against the pillows and picking at the hem of her shirt with her good hand. "i... might have run in front of a car," she admitted quietly, wincing at connie's immediate outburst.

"what?!" 

"it didn't hit me!" claire explained quickly, although that did nothing to reassure connie. "elle saved me! but i hurt my hands when i hit the ground." she held her untreated hand up for connie to see, trying to show her that it was nothing serious, but faltered when connie didn't say anything and avoided her gaze instead. she'd been expecting her to shout. "mum?" she jumped slightly when connie suddenly pulled her into a tight hug, barely managing to move her hand out of the way in time. 

"you silly girl," connie chastised half-heartedly before moving back slightly to cup claire's face again. "don't you **_ever_** do something so stupid again. understand me?" claire nodded and connie sighed, tugging her into another hug. 

elle watched them from the corner of her eye as she finished preparing to treat claire's other hand. "claire," she said when she was done, reluctantly interrupting them. claire's head appeared over connie's arm, and she suddenly remembered why she was even there when her eyes flickered from elle to the table at her bedside. 

"oh!" she wriggled out of connie's embrace and made herself comfortable against the pillows again as she offered elle her hand. connie didn't say anything, simply watching in silence as elle took hold of it and effortlessly got to work. she tried to ignore connie staring and did her best to focus on cleaning the edge of claire's wound instead. claire winced but not as much as she had earlier, knowing what to expect this time, and decided to distract herself by regaling connie with the tale of what had happened. 

elle listened as she worked, smiling faintly whenever claire embellished certain details. she'd cheered up considerably since connie had arrived. "she was like superwoman, mum!" claire insisted, eyes bright. connie glanced in elle's direction, a forlorn look in her eyes, but turned away again just as quickly when claire continued talking. "i'd be a pancake right now if she hadn't whooshed in and saved me." connie forced herself to smile in spite of the tight knot in her stomach.

"yes, well, thankfully that isn't the case, is it?" she said, not wanting to think about what might have happened had elle not been there to intervene. claire shook her head, not noticing as elle set down her tweezers and reached for the antiseptic wipes. connie wasn't quite as oblivious, watching from the corner of her eye. 

"nope!" claire affirmed happily. "i'm shipshape!" connie's expression immediately softened at her vibrant smile. _shipshape_ was currently claire's favorite word. so much so that she would randomly say it for no reason other than simply liking the way it sounded. "aren't i, e-?" claire cut herself off with a shriek when elle chose then to wipe her hand with the fresh antiseptic wipe and turned to her with an accusatory look when the sudden pain had passed. "you did that on purpose." 

elle gasped, feigning innocence as she binned the wipe. "me? never," she teased, reaching for a gauze pad. she used both hands to lay it gently over the base of claire's palm and held it firmly in place with her thumb and forefinger until she'd secured it. she released claire's hand with a triumphant smile, leaning back in her seat. "there we go, good as new." 

"thanks, elle!" claire said brightly, cupping her face with her hands as elle got to her feet and began clearing the table. she giggled, gently rubbing her cheeks. "it feels like i'm wearing a pair of gloves." connie rolled her eyes in amusement.

"careful, darling," she warned, reaching out to pull claire's hands away from her face. "you don't want to ruin the dressings, do you?" claire shook her head, quickly lowering her hands to her lap where they were likeliest to stay safe. "good girl." connie rose from her seat on the edge of the bed just as elle drew back the curtains, unveiling the rest of the department. "i'll be back in a moment, alright? you just stay here and rest your poor ankle for me." 

"okie dokie," claire chirped, grateful for the chance to people watch. it was always one of her favorite things to do whenever connie brought her to work. confident that she'd stay put, connie reluctantly turned away and made her way over to elle. she stopped right behind her, hands clasped tightly together, conscious of being overheard.

"could i have a word?" she asked quietly, averting her gaze when elle peeled her gloves off and finally looked over at her. this was exponentially more difficult than she'd hoped it would be.

"sure," elle said, balling up the gloves before she tossed them in the bin. the tension between them was thicker than blood when it clotted, and elle followed connie into a nearby corridor without a word. the second the doors closed in their wake, silence fell, and they were trapped in their own little bubble, completely cut off from the rest of the world.

connie was the first to speak, awkwardly clearing her throat. "thank you," she said, forcing herself to look at elle instead of everywhere else. "for what you did. saving claire, bringing her in, treating her..." she trailed off, running out of words to string onto her sentence. 

"it was nothing," elle said, shrugging absently. she liked to think connie would've done the same had it been one of her own children. "it's my fault she was out there to begin with." connie didn't argue but she didn't agree either. they were both to blame. 

"i suppose you'll be going now," she surmised, standing up straighter. she tried to sound as though she didn't care, and was making just another observation, but it didn't quite work. there was an empty, defeated look in her eyes, and elle had already noticed it. 

"when claire's on her feet again," she clarified, folding her arms as she leaned back against the wall. she might have originally left without saying goodbye, but she wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. not after the damage it had caused the first time, inadvertently or otherwise. connie nodded vaguely, showing that she'd at least heard her, but didn't respond, and they lapsed back into silence. neither made a move to leave, both waiting for the other to take the first step. it was almost as though they were buying time before they inevitably parted ways. anyone would think they didn't really want to. 

it was connie who broke the silence, quick to buckle under the pressure. "you were right," she confessed without warning, unable to stop herself in time. for a brief moment, she looked horrified, but her face fell when she realized the damage was done and already irreparable. she sighed, turning her head away in a vain attempt to hide her embarrassment. when she spoke again, her voice was quieter. "you were right. i'm not okay." 

elle didn't say anything, letting her take her time. it was never easy for anyone to admit that they needed help, but she knew it was even harder for connie. vulnerability was her worst enemy and greatest fear. connie took a deep breath. "i thought i would be after bill was arrested but i wasn't..." she admitted, folding her arms and gripping them tightly. "i couldn't get him out of my head. he was everywhere..." no matter where she was, she never felt safe. even her own home had been tainted by her incessant paranoia. she spent her nights obsessively checking on claire and staring at the ceiling of her own room as sleep eluded her. 

opposite her, elle couldn't help feeling ashamed. she'd always known when something was wrong with connie, and this time had been no different, but instead of trying to help or support her, she'd had the nerve to accuse her of being a useless friend. in reality, the useless friend had turned out to be her. "connie..." she said quietly when connie didn't say anything further, watching her with faint concern. connie looked up at the sound of her name, suddenly appearing to come to her senses.

"sorry," she said, shaking her head slightly. "i don't know why i'm telling you all of this." elle had given her more than enough chances to open up and she'd stubbornly wasted them all, trying to convince herself that she didn't need anyone else's help. now she was too late to ask for it, and she had nobody to blame but herself. "i'll leave you to say goodbye." 

she straightened her back and walked to the door without another word but barely managed to touch it before elle grabbed the crook of her other arm and brought her to a standstill. connie blinked in surprise, looking back at her. "do you really think i'm going to just leave you in this state?" elle asked firmly, loosening her grip on connie's arm slightly.

"what?" connie said, frowning in confusion. she didn't understand. "but... you said you couldn't keep doing this anymore." it was one of the last things elle had said to her before walking out. she'd have difficulty ever forgetting it. elle grimaced, releasing connie's arm completely.

"i know," she sighed as connie turned around to face her. "i said a lot of things i shouldn't have." she'd stepped into the office wanting a reaction. an answer. the truth. for connie to show, just _once_ , that she cared. in the end, they hadn't been any better than each other, but she had even less of an excuse than connie. "i was upset and angry and i wanted to make you realize how much you'd hurt me." she could blame it on the shift, on her exhaustion, and even the betrayal that had sideswiped her at the very last second, but none of that justified what she'd said. 

"i'm sorry," connie said, averting her gaze in shame. "i didn't want anyone to realize i wasn't coping. not when i couldn't even admit it to myself." even today, she'd spent their entire shift trying to convince herself and everyone else that she was fine. now was the first time she'd genuinely acknowledged that she wasn't. "but i knew you'd notice -- you always do -- and because i didn't want to face the truth, i pushed you away before you had the chance to make me." in the end, she'd crossed the line. playing puppeteer with elle's career had been a step too far and it had ultimately cost her. 

"it's not all your fault," elle conceded. she'd played a large part in letting it all get this far. "i should've been there for you." she knew from experience that connie lashed out and pushed everyone away when she felt vulnerable. given how close they'd become recently, it should have been an obvious red flag that something was wrong when connie suddenly changed her attitude out of nowhere. instead of trying to find out what was wrong, however, elle had taken her one-eighty personally, and it had only made things worse. 

connie shook her head. "no, you had- _have_ plenty of reason to be upset," she said. "especially after today. what i said was cruel and trying to get rid of you altogether was... unforgivable." she smiled wryly. "you've every right to hate me." 

"i don't," elle revealed without missing a beat. for a fleeting moment, she might have, but the feeling hadn't lasted. it never did. she couldn't hate connie even if she tried to. connie's eyes briefly widened in surprise before her expression softened, sad. 

"you don't have to stay," she told her quietly. "not after the way i treated you." there was no question that elle deserved better. better than her and better than this. there was an irony, almost, in elle believing the same was true for connie. 

"but i _want_ to," she said, mind already made up. the only thing pushing her elsewhere to begin with had been the prospect of coming into work everyday, seeing connie, and not being able to acknowledge her because there was an irreparable rift between them. that wasn't the case anymore. elle smiled slightly, trying to relieve some of the building tension pressing down on them. "well, assuming my job's still available." 

connie managed a faint smile of her own at the remark. "of course it is," she assured her. things were far from perfect between them still, and she knew there was a long way to go before their relationship returned to normal, but she was comforted by the knowledge that they would get there in the end. "you're a difficult person to replace, dr. gardner." 

elle's expression only brightened. "i like to think so," she said, and connie rolled her eyes fondly in response. "although, if i'm staying, i believe there's a certain someone who'd like to know." connie gave her a knowing look, taking the hint and leading them out of the corridor, back into the heart of the department. they both knew claire would all but faint from excitement once she found out. 

they rounded the corner near cubicle four to find claire right where they'd left her, sat upright in bed as she watched the doctors and nurses walking by her with curious eyes. she only tore her attention away when she heard connie and elle approaching, alerted by the sound of her mother's heels, and looked around. her face fell at the sight of them, dread slowly creeping up on her, and she swallowed thickly when the two stopped beside her bed, throat suddenly dry. 

"you're here to say goodbye, aren't you?" she said quietly, hanging her head and picking at the bed sheet. she'd known it was coming, but she still wasn't ready for it. connie and elle shared a triumphant look. 

"not quite, sweetheart," connie corrected, intertwining her hands. claire looked up sharply, not even daring to breathe as she waited for her mother to continue. she'd had her hopes, far flung as they'd been, wanting to believe that she could convince elle to stay one way or another. she hadn't been able to in the end, but maybe her mother had succeeded where she'd failed. after all, if anyone could achieve the impossible, it was connie. "elle's decided to stay." 

claire's mouth fell open right on cue. "really?!" she asked, eyes flickering excitedly between them. it sounded too good to be true but-

"yes!" elle confirmed, grinning brightly. "you're still stuck with me, i'm afraid." claire's reaction was instantaneous, and connie couldn't help wincing at the volume of her excited squeal. elle, on the other hand, burst into laughter and hurried forward to catch claire in a hug before she could throw herself at her and exacerbate her ankle. connie sighed, watching them softly. beneath the surface, she was still terrified, but now she at least had hope it wouldn't stay that way forever. 


	33. thirty two

**word count:** 2k

 **date written:** 20.3.20

 **verse:** unspecified au

* * *

"you excited, mum?" kalen asked, leaning against the kitchen island. 

"i am!" claire piped up in response, resting her chin on the edge of the counter. she had rainbow paint all over her face and glitter in her hair, but connie didn't have the heart to chastise her for it given the occasion. "i'm super excited!" she twirled away from the counter, dancing across the kitchen. "all the laughing and fun and rainbows and-" she spun into kalen with a light _oof_ before stepping back and beaming brightly up at him. he rolled his eyes, grinning in amusement as she latched onto the counter again, and turned back to connie. 

"don't worry, it'll be a laugh," he assured her when she still didn't respond, and she offered him a weak smile in return. elle immediately clicked her tongue, angling connie's head away from him. 

"stop moving," she chided, frowning in concentration as she continued trying to paint on connie's cheek. while claire had been content with just smearing a dozen different colors all over her face, connie had reluctantly opted for something a little simpler and far less eye-catching. although she'd initially planned to paint the stripes on herself, elle had insisted she do it instead -- something about wanting to keep her dexterity sharp, although connie doubted it was entirely truthful. 

she sighed, doing as she was told, and watched from the corner of her eye as claire started to dance around the room again. "will there be lots of people?" she asked kalen, bouncing excitedly on the spot. "i mean lots and lots. like, um..." she stilled, staring up at the ceiling as she tried to think of an example. "at the carnival!" 

"probably more," kalen said offhandedly, and claire's eyes widened in mild panic. lots of people meant lots of loud noise and she wasn't particularly a fan of either. kalen glanced over at her when she didn't say anything. "hey, don't worry. they're all nice people." claire frowned, sliding over to him in her socks. "and mum would break your hand before she let go of it." connie scowled across at him, but elle immediately moved her head back again. claire giggled, turning to watch elle paint. 

"we can wear the arm-string-thingy again!" she suggested, balancing on her tiptoes so she could rest her arms on the counter. when they'd last gone to the carnival, connie had given her a 'magic' bracelet that had connected to her own matching one, and claire had dragged her all over the place throughout the afternoon. wherever she'd gone, connie had gone too, and vice versa. it had certainly helped her relax in such a crowded environment. 

kalen snorted at the mention of it. he vaguely remembered when connie had tried to do the same thing with luca when he was younger, and he'd refused to even stand up let alone go out anywhere. fortunately, claire wasn't quite as uncooperative as their brother had been at her age. "sounds like a good idea," he agreed when connie didn't say anything, seemingly hyper-focused on the kitchen wall as she waited semi-impatiently for elle to finish what she was doing. claire beamed at kalen's approval, rocking back and forth on her heels as she turned her attention to elle instead.

"are you finished yet, mum?" she asked brightly, holding onto the edge of the counter. elle didn't look up from what she was doing, eyes narrowed as she added a fleeting stroke of paint to connie's cheek.

"almost..." she said after a moment, tilting her head to the side slightly as she scrutinized her work. it just needed a few finishing touches. claire held her breath and her tongue, falling still as she watched elle in silence, waiting. kalen thought elle was taking it a little too seriously, although he understood why, but claire was captivated, reminded of the few times she'd seen elle working. it was almost as though a scalpel and a paintbrush were one in the same thing to her. in some ways, claire supposed they were.

the kitchen was oddly quiet for a few minutes until elle finally moved from her half-crouched position beside connie's chair, standing up straight and leaning back slightly to get a better look at the final product. after a moment, she hummed her approval and set the brush down on the counter. "there," she said, grinning proudly as she stepped around connie to reach the sink. "not bad, even if i do say so myself." 

she turned the tap on, running her hands under the cold water to remove the few paint stains that had managed to accumulate on her skin. behind her, connie absently reached up to touch where the paint was still drying on her face.

"mum!"

connie jumped, hand freezing in mid-air before she could accidentally ruin elle's hardwork, and looked over to find claire staring at her with a scandalized expression. "you can't _touch_ it." claire shook her head as connie sheepishly lowered her hand, slightly baffled by her mother's actions. elle turned back from the sink, completely oblivious as she dried her hands with the dishtowel. her lips soon curled into a smile hen she noticed claire watching her expectantly with wide eyes. 

"don't worry, i haven't forgotten," elle assured her, refolding the dishtowel and draping it over the handle of the closest drawer -- something connie had gotten her into the habit of doing after she'd finally had enough of her leaving it all over the place. "we can do your hair now, alright?" claire squealed excitedly, bouncing on the spot again. she'd been waiting all morning for elle to do her hair, and the rainbow-colored ribbon she'd convinced connie to buy her the previous weekend was already sitting on the sofa waiting to be tied into her curls. 

connie watched on blankly as claire took elle's hand the second she was within reach and immediately began tugging her towards the door. "come on, come on, come on!" she chanted, fighting determinedly against elle's leisurely pace as they disappeared into the hall. even with them no longer in the room, however, connie didn't move from here she was sitting. she almost seemed in a daze, and it wasn't until he spoke that she suddenly remembered kalen was still in the room with her. 

"you alright, mum?" he asked, studying her curiously. she'd been oddly quiet all morning, wearing a constant frown and letting elle shuttle her between rooms without so much as a single complaint. stranger still, she'd let elle handle all of the day's planning despite usually being the one who produced schedules and itineraries for family outings. 

"hm?" connie looked over at him, almost as an afterthought, and it took her a moment to even comprehend what he'd said. she was slow to force an ultimately unconvincing smile. "yes, never better," she lied, turning away again. kalen rolled his eyes at her attempt to save face and crossed the room to join her on the other side of the kitchen island. 

"loads of people get nervous about their first pride, y'know," he told her, leaning back against the table. connie's head jerked up in surprise at the comment, but she quickly sighed, smiling sadly instead. trust kalen to be as good at reading her as his mother was. either she'd lost her touch or some sort of clairvoyance ran in elle's family. 

"that obvious, huh?" she remarked weakly, nervously twisting the gold ring on her little finger. kalen laughed, folding his arms. 

"nah," he assured her. "not really. i only know 'cause i was the same." he'd been a barrel of nerves when going to his first pride event and likely would've bottled it altogether had elle not been the one who'd insisted they go. 

"really?" connie asked. kalen nodded.

"yeah, totally bricked it," he told her with a grin. "thought i'd show mum right up, and i was half-expecting to get hassled by some homophobic assholes-" for once, connie didn't give him a disapproving look for his language. "-but i completely forgot about all that when we arrived." 

"it's more than that though," connie admitted quietly, dropping her gaze to the floor as she frowned in thought. she rarely cared what strangers thought of her, and she'd dealt with more than enough bigots in her lifetime to be unfazed by anything they could throw at her. no, she wasn't really worried about any of those things. "it's-"

"your age?" kalen offered before she could finish, chuckling when she immediately scowled at him. "i don't mean it like that!" connie's lips twitched slightly in amusement. she knew he didn't. "i just meant you think you're too old to go, right?" connie grimaced slightly, leaning back in her chair.

"i suppose that's one way of putting it," she agreed. "ridiculous, hm?" she didn't know why she was so bothered by it. elle certainly wasn't, almost as excited to go as claire, but, then again, she'd been going to pride long before the two of them had ever even met. 

"not really," kalen lamented. it was easy to see why she felt that way. his parents and their relationship were still widely unacknowledged by those outside of their community, and all but non-existent in the media's eyes especially. it seemed people still couldn't comprehend that there was more than one cookie cutter label. they weren't all young, white gay men, and, given the amount of trouble he'd had trying to find a reflection of himself onscreen, kalen had no doubt that the only reflection of herself connie had ever seen was the one in the mirror. "lots of older people go to pride." 

connie blinked in surprise, glancing up at him. "they do?" she asked, only realizing how stupid she sounded after she'd spoken. of course older people went to pride. she was hardly the only middle-aged lesbian in existence, and she certainly wouldn't be the only one going. hell, she probably wasn't even the only middle-aged lesbian going to her _first_ pride.

"yeah!" kalen said, determined to put her mind at ease. "i've seen loads of couples that're the same age as you and mum." he paused, eyes twinkling mischievously. "they love getting out of the retirement home for the day." connie's reaction was instantaneous, her lips parting in disbelief.

"you little-"

she finally vacated her chair, grabbing kalen just before he could make his escape, and he immediately started to struggle against her grip. "mum, no," he laughed, knowing what was coming, and he only grew more hysterical when connie started ruffling his hair fiercely. she'd done it all the time when they'd given her cheek in the past, but it had been so long since kalen had last fallen victim to her antics that connie now had to tiptoe to even reach his head. "mum, come on!" he wheezed, resisting the urge to simply lean forward and pull her off the ground into an unceremonious piggyback. "i'm sorry!" 

she reluctantly let him go at that, falling back onto her heels, and her gaze flickered upwards to kalen's hair when he turned to face her. she forced back a laugh at the state it was in, pressing her fist against her lips to silence herself, and kalen scowled playfully at her. "least you're smiling now," he huffed, reaching up to try and restore some order to his hair with little success. he needed a mirror. 

connie lowered her hand, uncovering said smile. "thank you," she said after a moment of watching in amusement as he fussed over his hair. "for making me feel better about everything." talking about it had managed to alleviate most of her worries and help her relax about the day ahead. she still might not have been as excited as claire and elle were, but at least now she'd be able to enjoy herself to some degree instead of putting a damper on things. 

"hey, that's what family's for," kalen told her offhandedly, giving up on his hair. "according to mum, anyway. she's always coming out with sappy stuff." 

connie laughed under her breath. "and we wouldn't have her any other way," she reminded him, moving to leave the room and prompting him to follow by gently elbowing him as she passed. 


	34. thirty three

**word count:** 1.2k

**date written:** 19.5.20

**verse:** canon divergence

(i admit that i amped up dylan's asshole-ness here)

* * *

she wrinkled her nose at the state of the sofa, covered with creased blankets and what was undoubtedly animal hair. "i see he's had that dog in here again," connie muttered, making a mental note to have it deep-cleaned at least twice before she next sat down. elle grimaced. 

"if it's any consolation, i did tell him not to," she revealed, glancing over at the evidence that had been left behind. "but then he started comparing it to me bringing the boys into work and i realized it was a waste of time." connie rolled her eyes, turning away as she wandered behind her desk. 

"like trying to reason with a gopher," she remarked absently, preoccupied with silently mourning the loss of her once pristine workspace. it was coated in crumbs and screwed up balls of paper, and there were even careless coffee stains on _official_ hospital documents. she couldn't help feeling angry. each time she'd returned after elle had covered her absence, she'd found her office exactly as she'd left it. the filing cabinet had still been in alphabetical order, the draws had still been neat and organized, and her desk had still been free of clutter. while elle had always made an effort to take care of the place, however, dylan appeared to have been using it as his own personal bachelor pad. 

connie forced herself to look away from the mess, turning back to elle. "please tell me the department isn't in this much disarray," she implored despite already knowing that she wouldn't receive the response she wanted. elle hesitated, unsure of what to say, but her silence was a telling enough answer for connie. she sighed. "wonderful..." 

"i'm sorry," elle said, shoulders falling in defeat. she couldn't feeling as though she'd let her down. "i kept trying to help him, but-" 

"no, i know," connie assured her gently before she could put herself down any further. "and i'm grateful, truly, i just... wish you would've let me leave _you_ in charge." she'd been reluctant to give dylan the position, even at elle's suggestion, for while he didn't have as terrible a track record as ethan, he was still far from perfect for the role. 

"me too," elle admitted, equally as disheartened. hindsight was a bitch. before either of them could say anything further, they were the distracted by the office door opening. the two turned in unison to see who had interrupted them unannounced, and connie immediately stood up straighter when dylan stepped into the room. he paused as soon as he noticed them, no choice but to stay by the door as he slowly closed it behind himself. 

"well this is certainly a surprise," he deadpanned, sounding anything but. elle quirked an eyebrow, unamused by the statement. then again, she doubted it was intended to be funny. 

"is it?" connie asked, eyeing dylan with a faint frown. "you knew i was coming back today." 

"that doesn't mean you should be in here," he told her, almost sounding irritated, and elle matched connie's expression as they both stared at him in bewilderment. connie opened her mouth to respond, but elle beat her to it. 

"it's _her_ office," she reminded him firmly, folding her arms. not even when she'd been the one in charge, and her name had been stamped on the door, had that changed in her mind. why it had in dylan's was beyond her. 

" _was_ her office," he corrected curtly, already bored with the discussion. elle's jaw tightened involuntarily at his unwarranted impertinence. 

"no, _is_ ," she countered impatiently, narrowing her eyes. "she's officially been reappointed." her words were stepped in finality, and there was nothing left to contend with, but dylan refused to acquiesce so easily. 

"well i hope you have proof of that," he scoffed, and elle found the response so absurd that she briefly thought she'd misheard him.

"proof?!" she echoed slightly louder than intended. not only had she been over the paperwork herself and attended all the meetings, she'd circled the date of connie's first day on her damn calendar. she didn't _need_ proof. "why don't you check your emails for once, dylan?" 

"i have, thank you," dylan averred, glowering slightly at her disparaging tone. "and there was nothing there about being usurped by a notorious malefactor." connie immediately recoiled at the remark, looking away as her face darkened slightly with shame. 

"what is your problem?" elle snapped in her defense, fixing him with a glare that would've killed if only looks could. she couldn't tell if he was just being difficult, as men so often were, or if the power of clinical lead had gone to his head. either way, he needed a reality check. "you knew this was only a temporary arrangement and you weren't even her first choice for the position!" 

"let me guess," dylan sneered bitterly. "that would be you. her prized personal lackey." elle immediately bristled, rightfully affronted, and curled her hands painfully tight as she moved closer to him. worried she might punch him, connie stopped her before she had the chance, grabbing her by the wrist and silently urging her to stay put. the last thing she wanted was for elle to be reprimanded on her behalf. god knows dylan wasn't anywhere close to worth it. he smirked triumphantly, folding his arms. "well if you were such a shoo in for the job, why didn't you take it?" 

"because unlike the rest of you, i actually give a damn about connie," elle retorted without forethought, "and i wanted to focus on helping her get better!" connie unconsciously released elle's wrist at the answer, staring at her in surprise. when she'd turned down the role of acting clinical lead, her reason had been wanting to spend more time with her sons. _not_ the one she'd just given dylan. 

elle shook her head in chagrin, stepping forward as her anger already started to dissipate. "face it, dylan. you haven't got a leg to stand on," she pointed out flatly, unwilling to deal with him being even more obtuse and uncooperative than usual. "so i suggest you leave. otherwise i'll have no choice but to call security and let them personally escort you instead." the room fell into silence as they stared acrimoniously at one another, waiting until dylan made his next move. elle watched intently when he finally reached behind himself for the door handle.

"don't get too comfortable," he advised darkly, looking between the two of them before he turned and left. elle released a sigh no sooner had the door closed, letting her shoulders fall as her leftover outrage ultimately disappeared with dylan. she had no doubt that he planned to ambush hanssen at the earliest opportunity and hound him about why _he_ deserved to be clinical lead, but she was confident it wouldn't have the affect he desired. 

elle tensed when she heard movement behind her, suddenly remembering connie was there, and immediately turned to apologize profusely for her outburst. "connie, i-" 

she was swiftly cut off, silenced by the press of connie's lips as she kissed her without a word of warning. despite being caught completely off-guard, however, elle was quick to reciprocate with the same fervent desire she'd always wanted to, pulling connie flush against her and barely leaving a whisper of space between them. it was connie who pulled away too soon after, although she didn't go far, breath tickling elle's lips as she cradled her face in her hands. "shut up, elle," she whispered with a wistful smile before eagerly leaning in to kiss her again. 


	35. thirty four

**word count:** 1.6k

**date written:** 25.6.20

**verse:** medical secrets au

* * *

elle exhaled in relief as the front door closed behind her, glad to finally be home after the shift she'd had. an office fire had seen her rushed off her feet for hours on end, and, in hindsight, it was a miracle that she'd ever managed to get away for her lunch break. she groaned, rubbing the back of her neck as she shrugged off her handbag and dumped it on the chest of drawers stood opposite the door. the idea of turning in early to catch up on some well-needed sleep was tempting, and she would've done exactly that had there not been something much more pressing (albeit unpleasant) to be dealt with instead. 

elle sighed, stepping out of her shoes before approaching the lounge and peering inside. she immediately smiled when she discovered claire sat beside the coffee table, crayon in hand as she scribbled away on a piece of paper. most days, she'd come running to greet her at the door, but she seemed too distracted to have even heard her come home. after what elle had learned that afternoon, she wasn't all too surprised. 

"hey, carrot cake," she said, wandering over to join claire at the table and kneeling down beside her. 

"hello," claire mumbled quietly, automatically leaning into elle's touch when she briefly pulled her close to press a kiss against her head. she swapped the crayon in her hand for another, this time dark purple, before continuing with her drawing, and elle watched her as she colored in part of the smallest figure on the page. 

"is this what you told me about at lunch?" she asked after a beat of silence, gesturing to the image. claire nodded, pointing at the stick-man on the right, surrounded by angry, jagged red lines. 

"mean man," she confirmed, retrieving the blue crayon and using it to outline the scene with a wonky border. 

"did you see him again today?" elle said, eyeing the drawing with a faint look of worry as she absently ran her fingers through claire's curls. much to her relief, claire shook her head.

"no," she revealed, setting her crayon down. "only mr. stretchan." 

elle rolled her eyes in annoyance, unsurprised. "and what did he want?" she sighed, resting her elbow on the edge of the table. he was always buzzing around connie like a persistent fly, and they both knew exactly why. claire shuffled around to face her, finally wearing a smile.

"a kissy," she giggled, puckering her little lips and advancing on elle as she made exaggerated kissing noises. "kissy, kissy, mama." elle snorted in amusement, pretending to fend claire off as she climbed onto her before ultimately laying on the floor in defeat. claire immediately leaned forward to press a kiss to the bridge of elle's nose with a loud 'mwah' and continued to do the same all over her face until she was suddenly lifted into the air when elle sat up again. 

"alright, my turn," she announced mischievously, lowering claire into her lap and giving her a taste of her own medicine. she started squealing right on cue, wriggling fiercely in elle's arms as she peppered her face with the same theatrical kisses. elle released her moments later with a bright grin, stifling a laugh when claire stuck her tongue out in retaliation before turning back to the table. 

"hey, i have an idea," elle said, reaching out to grab a blank piece of paper. "why don't you draw lunchtime for me?" claire's eyes instantly lit up at the suggestion, and she excitedly reached for her crayons, unfazed when elle took away the previous unsettling drawing. she smiled, reaching out to gently ruffle claire's curls as she started scribbling away once again. "good girl." elle reluctantly got to her feet, carelessly folding the drawing she was holding in half. "i'll come see how you're getting on in a little bit, alright?" 

claire nodded absently in response, glued to the page, and elle watched her fondly for an additional moment before turning to leave. she made her way to the kitchen, unsurprised when she rounded the doorway to find connie seated at the table, reading through the paperwork she'd brought home. elle sighed, knowing she couldn't put this off for any longer. something had to be done, for claire's sake if nothing else. 

"we need to talk," she said, running the fold of claire's drawing between her nails as she crossed the room and set it gently on the kitchen island.

"what about?" connie asked without even looking up. elle forced herself to turn around, knowing the next words out of her mouth would give her connie's full attention, and leaned back against the counter as she braced herself for the inevitable. 

"greg douglas." 

connie immediately went tense, gripping her pen harder as she turned the page in her folder. "we've already discussed this," she muttered, suddenly sounding more than a touch hostile. it was the reaction elle had expected and one she couldn't blame connie for based on even just the little she knew about his behavior. "i haven't seen him in weeks." 

"really?" elle asked, folding her arms. "not even today?" connie finally looked over at her, jaw tightening at the risk of her lie being unraveled. it wasn't one of her best by any stretch of the imagination, but she'd thought she at least had elle convinced. 

"no," she said after a slight pause, stubbornly holding elle's gaze. "i told you, he transferred to another-"

"enough," elle snapped, cutting her off before she could repeat the same story she'd given before. connie gritted her teeth but stayed quiet, hiding her fear behind a mask of apathy. "i know you've seen him at least twice since that night." when she'd arrived home late, soaked to the bone and shaken in a way that had left elle unnerved. she still didn't know what had happened, and the memory continued to haunt her during late nights spent waiting for connie to come safely through the door. "claire told me." 

connie immediately rolled her eyes, turning back to her paperwork. "and you believed her?" she scoffed, ignoring the slight panic that elle's words had elicited. 

"she's not a liar," elle said, a steely edge to her voice that warned she was losing her temper. 

"but she is only two," connie reminded her, tapping her pen soundlessly against the page beneath it. her words were enough to tip elle over the edge, and she reached behind herself to snatch claire's artwork from where it had been waiting on the counter. 

"and two year olds don't just draw themselves being threatened by middle-aged men," she retorted angrily, haphazardly unfolding the drawing in question as she stormed over to the table. she slammed it down directly in front of connie, making her jump slightly, and her chest was quick to tighten as she studied the image. it was only composed of three different sized stick figures and a plethora of colored scribbles but the sight still made her feel violently sick. there was no denying what claire had drawn, least of all when she herself had recognized the scene in a heartbeat, but that didn't stop her from trying. 

she swallowed thickly. "you don't know that's what this is," she said quietly, unable to look away from the page. it was an attempt to convince herself just as much as it was elle. she didn't want to believe things had gotten so bad with greg that her toddler was drawing almost nightmarish pictures of him. 

elle took a deep breath, trying to steady her temper. she wasn't the type of person to shout, let alone when their daughter was only a room away and their sons were upstairs. "fine," she relented, adopting an uncharacteristically cold tone, before stepping away from the table. "if you won't tell me the truth, i'll just have to ask greg himself, won't i?" 

connie's reaction was instantaneous, and she stood up so fast at the threat that she almost knocked her chair on its back. "no," she objected hoarsely, eyes wide, and she seemed so terrified all of a sudden that elle's anger vanished in an instant. "you can't." connie shook her head, closing the gap between them. "elle, please. don't go anywhere near him." 

elle frowned, her features narrowed in concern. there was very little that scared connie this much. "has he done something to you?" she asked, unable to stop herself from worriedly scanning connie's figure in search of any harm he might have caused. 

"no," connie said, growing more distressed by the second. she had to be sure elle was going to stay away from him. she didn't know what he'd do to her if she got involved, and she didn't want to find out either. "no, he hasn't _touched_ me." it was the answer elle wanted to hear but it did nothing to put her mind at ease. "but it wouldn't matter even if he had. it's not _me_ i'm worried about." 

elle froze, knowing exactly who she meant, and it took her a moment to find her voice again. "alright," she agreed quietly, watching as connie fell into the nearest chair in relief. "i won't go near him." nothing good could come from anything that struck connie with such unadulterated fear, especially so quickly. "but you have _got_ to tell me what's going on. especially if claire might be in danger." 

"okay," connie whispered, turning to elle with fresh tears in her eyes. the gravity of her situation was finally sinking in. she couldn't hide it any longer. "i'll tell you." 

* * *

**continues in:** -

**previously in:** 25


	36. thirty five

**word count:** 869

 **date written:** 24.8.20

 **verse:** alt-canon; scene rewrite

* * *

the second floor was just as dead as ever when she reached it, and her heels echoed ominously as she passed the darkened filing room to reach elle's office on the other side. they'd dropped the habit of knocking a long time, and so she didn't bother when she got there, letting herself inside uninvited. her arrival was ill-timed. she walked right in on elle getting changed, freeing her arms from her scrubs just as the door opened. connie hovered awkwardly on the threshold. 

"sorry," she said when elle looked over at her arrival. "shall i-?" she gestured lamely to the corridor behind her, wordlessly offering to step back outside and wait, but elle only rolled her eyes at the suggestion. 

"don't be silly," she scoffed, throwing her creased shirt haphazardly at her nearby chair and paying no attention to whether or not it landed where intended. "what's up?" connie sighed, closing the door gently behind herself. if elle wasn't fazed by the situation, there was no reason for her to be either, and she cleared her throat as she stepped further into the office. 

"i just finished putting together what i think are the key figures for tomorrow," she said, folding her arms, "and they should be sufficient enough to suggest our overall flow rate, and uh..." she faltered as elle unabashedly removed her white undershirt, exposing her dark skin to the glow of the overhead light. "... performance." connie swallowed thickly. when they'd been at the hotel what felt like forever ago, she'd finished getting changed in the bathroom to discover that elle's 'pyjamas' were nothing but a shirt that was blatantly too short. she'd been lascivious enough back then, and connie was reminded of that now, unable to stop her eyes from wandering up elle's slender figure to her cleavage, black lace running parallel to the visible swell of her breasts.

elle balled up her shirt before tossing it carelessly towards her bag and looking over at connie. she was still visibly in a daze, her mind elsewhere, and undeniably staring, but instead of mentioning it, elle pointed to the fresh shirt folded neatly on the cabinet just behind her. "could you-?" 

still dumbstruck by elle's state of undress, connie almost didn't hear her speak, let alone what she'd said, and it took her a moment to even turn in the direction elle was pointing. "oh. right." she shook her head slightly, finally freeing herself from the depths of her daydream as she moved to collect the shirt. it was faded yellow and soft to the touch but felt inexplicably heavy when she gingerly picked it up and turned back. her gaze automatically rover over elle's body again as she crossed the room, slowly moving higher the more their proximity shrank, and she numbly held out the shirt as soon as she was within reach. elle quirked an eyebrow, taking it from her without so much as a word. 

"anyway," connie continued awkwardly, returning to why she'd come here in the first place, "um, i think we're safe to mention the training stats, but as far as recommendations go, i, uh..." she found herself pausing for a second time, and far too soon after the first, briefly distracted by elle pulling on her shirt and how the muscles in her stomach shifted as she stretched her arms above her head. "i think we should avoid committing ourselves to anything." 

elle pulled her shirt taut, and connie's attention automatically strayed to her crooked collar, a glaring blemish on an otherwise perfect canvas, but while she herself was oblivious to the state it was in, connie instinctively stepped forward to fix it. she closed the gap between them without conscious thought or a warning, and while elle tensed slightly in surprise, she held her tongue as connie only carried on talking. 

"maybe, um... y'know, just not say very much," she said absently, straightening elle's collar and stroking the material between her fingers. "keep a low profile and not make ourselves too big a target..." she trailed off, falling quiet, and her gaze flickered up to meet elle's before she could stop it. heat immediately prickled across her skin, a familiar desire blooming to life in the pit of her stomach as her chest tightened, and elle's collar suddenly felt glued to her fingertips. she couldn't have let go even if she'd wanted to. 

the tension in the room was palpable, with a heartbeat of its own, and time had ground to a knowing halt. there was something unspoken hanging in the air but it was left there to ruminate as they stared at each other in silence, waiting, until elle found the sense to break it. 

"so you think we should stay quiet," she said, voice low, almost as if they were discussing a secret. in reality, they were keeping one but only from each other. connie pressed her lips together, mouth dry.

"it's just for now," she clarified, finding her voice alongside the wherewithal to finally release elle's collar. she stepped back, threading her fingers together as they burned from the invisible scorch marks left behind by the fabric. "until we're on top of things again, that's all." 


End file.
